


Desires

by Mikina



Category: Hakuouki
Genre: Angst, Chizuru bonded with Hijikata, F/M, One Night Stands, Romance, Slow Updates, Unquenched desire, bonded relationship, slight AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2018-06-04 20:44:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 57,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6674872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mikina/pseuds/Mikina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two persons. Two feelings. Two thoughts. Two personalities. Yet the same desire is what they felt toward each other. But, will that desire is enough to get them together, or their stubbornness will be preventing them to be together? Hijikata and Chizuru pairing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hei there! 
> 
> This is my first time writing a story of Hakuoki. But I'm not newbie. You can click profile to see my other works. My recent finished story is a story about Hikaru no Go. But I want to try writing this story now. I guess I will try the angst genre, and of course a romance. I love so much the pairing of Hijikata and Chizuru. For me, Chizuru would always belong to Hijikata, no question about that. So, sorry for the other that ship Chizuru with the other man. It's just my fangirling blood that speak right now.
> 
> So, I don,'t know if I can update regularly. I won't leave any promise. There's 2 more stories that I have to finish, one that I will rewrite and the other one is soon and bound to be finish for crying out loud!
> 
> I'm sooooooo into Hakuoki right now. Not that I haven't for the past four years. But, yeahhhh... You know when you look into the things you have seen and then you suddenly get into it moreee than before. That's it.
> 
> Enough of my ramblings.
> 
> May you enjoy my new story.
> 
> Mikina
> 
> Disclaimer: Hakuouki and the characters is not mine
> 
> **Note: I've done some editing for this chapter on 9/1/2018. I've added and erased some lines from the previous version.**

_'It wasn't supposed to be like this.'_

The thought was flashing in her mind the second she got up and after realizing the situation she had been at the moment, that was the thing that appeared in her mind. Looking at the man beside her that sleep very tightly, not to mention of herself that currently didn't presentable because of her naked body that just covered by a thin sheet which she didn't know and remember from where she had gotten. _Well_ , the man himself was pretty much naked as her.

She bit her lips. _'I bet he would not even remember that he met with me yesterday. He was slightly drunk when we saw each other.'_ A sigh escaped from her lips. _'And the talked that we shared last night... The things that he will never tell me when he is sober and awake.'_ Last night was more than just a night that full of passion. She turned her head to the sleeping man. Her gazed landed on his face. _'Such a handsome face.'_ She stretched her hand to touch his hair, but pulled back again a second later.

The man shifted from his laying position and now was facing her. She looked to the body that had held, hug, embraced her with such passion last night. How lean and sturdy. How safe she felt to be closed to him. Then she moved her eyes to his hands. The long fingers and the callouses on it; it's big, yet that hands had given a wave to her body that she never knew. And she would not allow any other man to give her that kind of feeling again. Not that she had any plans to have another in the near future.

Her gazed back to the face again, but this time she settled on his lips. The mouth that had kissed her with such hunger and passion. He was called an Oni, a demon by everyone. But last night, the demon was not the cold and stoic demon that he was known of. In their heated moment, he said that the demon was a _demon_ that was unleashed because of her. The hungry kisses, the passionate gazed, the heated touches. He had told her that he couldn't hold the _demon_ any longer. And in the end, he _devoured_ her.

The sun hadn't come up yet. The sky outside was still dark. She guessed that she had just asleep for two or three hours before she woke up. She moved her body and her muscles were screaming because of the soreness of her night activity.

 _'We did it twice... I guess.'_ Her cheeks blushed furiously. When she was touched by him, all of rational thoughts were flying out of the windows. Her most treasured assets... she had given it to him. She knew that there's nothing to blame for her action except for her feelings. Without realizing it, she had fallen very deeply that she was certain she couldn't ever ran from it. From the moment she joined the force, many things had happened that in the end made her heart, _gradually_ , belonged to him without she realized about it. And now, he also had her body.

She shook her head lightly to ease her mind from her thoughts of last night. Then, with much difficulty, like she had been running on marathon for hours, she moved and gathered her clothes. She tried to get dress without much noises, hoping beyond everything that the man would not open his eyes yet.

She had come here with a very different intention. The other knew that she was meeting with her fellow and only female friend of her ilk, she had asked a permission to meet with this said friend. But, what they didn't knew was what had transpired in the meeting place after that. Not that she was prepared of this encounter. But... It already happened.

Even though the others would wonder and ask her of why she didn't return to the compound last night, but at least she could give a believable reason to be told. This said friend of her was known to be spontaneous with something unexpected, like to ask her to stay over the night with her. All the captains knew it. So, nobody would suspect anything if she didn't come back. _Nobody_ would ever suspect that last night, after meeting with her friend, that surprisingly asked her to meet her in Shimabara... Well, her connection with one of the maiko sure come in handy. But yeah, no one would ever thought that after meeting with her, she would stumble to a lone figure that she wouldn't ever think in thousand years would drink sake alone, in Shimabara. To come to Shimabara instead of other places just to drink sake was a bit... _unusual_. And it's a **red light district** the he had come to.

She had a suspicion that he came to Shimabara to do that _kind_ of things that man usually came to this kind of place. She had heard it enough from one of the captains to know about what kind of place the red light district was. But she didn't find, if there was, any kind of traces of him being with another woman before she stumbled into his room. Then again, she wanted to know who was dared enough to approach the infamous oni-fukuchou of the Shinsengumi.... 

It just a coincidence that she found him was drinking alone in one room. That night, she was pushed by some other drunk man. She was still dressing as a man, that's why the other man just brushed her off and walked to one of the room in his drunken state. Meanwhile, she fell to a room which happened to be next to the room she was in before. And there..... she found him.

An unexpected encounter that at the end would escalate to such things that she would just dare to dream it before.

 _'He would not remember of meeting with me last night.'_ She assured her thought once again. She had dressed and walked slowly to the door. Before she walked out completely from the room, she turned and glanced to the sleeping man. _'Knowing him, he will try to take responsibility if he knows what have happened.'_ She closed her eyes and felt bitter. _'I won't take any pity from him. He didn't force me last night. I did it on my account. It was my decision.'_ She opened her eyes again and a determination could be seen in them. _'That's why it's better if he doesn't know. I will keep your passion and care for me last night. I'm sure I won't meet the you from last night ever again.'_

She looked to the sleeping man with a wistful smile before she said her parting word.

"Sayonara," she said softly. Then she walked outside the room, leaving the red light district and went straight to the Headquarters. She didn't turn to look back again, afraid that her resolved would crumble if she saw his face again.

And that's why she didn't knew that before she completely exited the room they were sharing last night, the said man had opened his eyes. As somber and awake as he could be.

When he heard her parting word, his eyes fluttered open and he saw her retreating figure exiting the room. Then he felt something was pricking in his chest. What was this weird sensation that he felt pricking at his chest? Was it from hearing her parting word? Or was it because he saw her exiting the room? Or _what_? _  
_

"Tch."

He shifted and laid on his back. It didn't take a smart man to asses his situation. After all, even if he was drunk, his mind would always know of whatever happened when he was in his drunken state. And last night was not an exception. He clenched his hand in a tight fist, closing his eyes. He punched the floor, feeling so helpless for the first time since he became the vice commander of Shinsengumi.

His mind was blank. He uttered what he felt that moment with a defeated tone.

_"Damn it."_

* * *


	2. -I-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya all!
> 
> Thank you far all your responses! 
> 
> For the update, maybe I will post the chapter biweekly or if I can't at least a chapter every month. For the chapters, all that I can tell you is expect it to reach 10 chapters. Maybe more. I have many ideas for this story and the one that will receive my frequent updates. Like I have told you in previous chapter, I'm sooooooooo into Hakuoki right now.
> 
> I won't add any date to the story. And the story maybe a slight AU from the original plot line. The story take time after the incident in Shimabara, after the OVA, the Sekkaroku anime, or after the Zuisurokku story line. I haven't play the story line, just read from some post in the Youtube, but I have watched the anime. If I want to follow the original Hakuoki plot line, I'm afraid I will get stuck, that's why I decide not to follow the original flow in the plot line. Will the rasetsu me be mentioned? Well you have to see and read the story to know. But don't worry, I won't differ much from the original.
> 
> The story will be focus on Hijikata and Chizuru, but the other captain in Shinshengumi will take a part also, and the other oni as well.
> 
> Okay, done with the explanations and ramblings.
> 
> On with the story.
> 
> Hope you enjoy :3
> 
> And don't forget to let me know what do you think.
> 
> Mikina
> 
> Disclaimer: Hakuoki story line and the characters are not mine, but this story is obviously mine.

Looking back at that night, a groan immediately escaped from his mouth. Not too mention a big headache that followed always. Just what in heaven had he thought?

Oh, clearly his brain was asleep or in vacation _or_ went somewhere else. In short, he didn't use his smart and practical-rational-brain the usual way he used to. Still didn't get it? He just simply didn't think and let his instinct that took over his body. Or to be precised, it's his _desire_ that had won over his body at that time.

That night, he had followed her without the others knew. In the afternoon of the same day, she asked him and the chief a permission to go out to meet her friends at night. But, when she asked that permission of meeting the other oni female and her bodyguard in _that_ place, he had this feeling. An uncomfortable one, and he didn't like it at all. Well.... maybe because she mentioned that they would meet at Shimabara. That place was not a usual place to meet.

_'What the hell was that woman thinking to meet in such a place?'_

His thought rejected the idea of her went there. And he showed his disagreement through his scowled and furrowed brows, plus his silence when she had asked the question. If it's just him, never in million years would he agree of the request. But, the chief had said that he permitted her to go. He was only the vice-commander, a second in command. The top authority had agreed. He couldn't say much about it. Well... Not that if he said that he did not want her to go she dared to defy it. He did had a say of it. She was his page, wasn't she? His voiced was counted still.

...But after seeing the bright eyes that lifted up immediately when the chief said that she could go, the answer was sealed. He would be damned if he opened his mouth and said the magic words that would make that sparkle disappeared in an instant. So much for what he felt and thought. As selfish, jerk, or strict the other thought he was, the woman held a soft spot in his heart.

So, he took a decision on his account to follow her, incognito. He could ask the other captains or Yamazaki or Shimada to do this job. But after _mucchhhh_ consideration, it would be better for himself to go alone. It's for his sanity also to know the situation first hand.

Don't bother to ask and wonder about his feeling. For a long time, he had already been asking himself about this question. The answer was obviously glaring straight at him. But, for whatever reason that made him holding back and didn't want to ever touch and acknowledge the matter, it just remain like that. One thing for sure. She was important to him and he sure as hell cared deeply about her that made his mind wondered to her on too many occasion. And he found that many times not in _proper_ times also

That's why he would make sure nothing would happen that would likely harm her. Over his dead body. Samurai or not, his ego and man pride did the talk in here.

But there's one problem. Because of the occasion not to long ago at Shimabara, his face was well known enough now. Almost everyone in that place knew his look. If he wanted to go unknowingly, he had to do something. He had reconsidered to call Yamazaki to help him.

...But again, in the end, he decided not to involve anyone in this. After all he didn't want anyone to know that this thing had bothered him so much. His reputation as the oni-fukuchou was at stake in here. So, after much thought on how he should cover or disguise himself, for the first time ever, he let down his hair and change his usual purple hakama to other clothes. He hoped beyond anything that this get-up was covered enough.

And then there he was. Following her to Shimabara. When he arrived at the place, many geikos and maikos surrounded him immediately. Well, someone had told him that he was attractive enough to be an actor. Not that he cared.

But his attention was focused only on one woman. He followed where she went, upstairs to the second floor. She had met her fellow oni in front of the gate, then she went with them. He brushed the many geikos and maikos, discreetly went to upstairs, followed by the disappointed gaze by the left behind.

They went to one room. They opened the door and it closed with clicked sound. His gaze fell on the room beside them. He went and checked the room. Fortunately, the room beside them was empty. Then he decided to occupied this empty room.

For sometime, he had waited long enough and made sure nothing happened to the occupants of the other room. A laugh and some girly remarks that loud enough to be heard were the proof that everything went well. He also had indulged some sake, had stopped one geiko to bring him 2 or 3 bottles then after the bottles arrived, took it and not even glanced at the geiko that had brought it to him. He's sure enough heard one or two bad remarks from the geiko. _'Whatever.'_

And there he was later, drinking alone. He didn't know how much time had passed of him... When suddenly the person that he'd followed barged into his room. Well, she fell into his room to be exact.

His mind was rather cloudy at the moment. He was startled first when she came to his room. At that moment, he's a bit drunk... No, he was drunk enough of not being alerted of his surrounded for the time being. He's a light drinker. He knew his limit. Every time he went out to drink with the other captains or even just by himself, he never let himself drunk enough for not to recognize and alert of his surrounded. But at that time, his mind was full of something... Someone. And this peaceful time of him just by himself, not to thinking of the matter of Shinshengumi or whatever the Shogunate problem at the moment, just focus on one particular woman... The sake he indulged was more than he should. But he's sobered enough to recognize that it's her. Thanks the Kami for his still functional brain.

But for the life of Shinshengumi, he still couldn't decide whether it's the sake or his desire that he had pressed for a long time but had came up to surface because of his drunk state that the _thing_ had happened...

 _'It's the sake. That's obvious. I wouldn't do that if not of that darn thing. And I had drank it too many to make me forgot why I had come to that place. Until she come to my room. Ugh....!'_ He blamed the sake in the end. But again, he also knew that without the desire that took the big part in his action, it would not ever happened. Sake just gave him a gentle pushed. He was the bigger factor still.

And so, his thought conclude the one thing that he had thought earlier.

_**'Damnit!' ******_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is purely my ramblings. Just skip it if you don't wan to read. It's about Hakuoki Musical or Hakumyu.
> 
> OMG, that show... AWESOMEEEE! I just find it recently and now everyday I just have to watch it. All the characters, especially the first actors, they're so KAKOIII! I've fallen so hard for this myu.
> 
> The one that played Hijiakata, Yazaki Hiroshi... Not a word except he's the so Hijikata. SO HANDSOME and his voice... I'm melting.
> 
> Okita, Saitou, Heisuke, Harada all the casts, the first cast... They portrayed the character like it was them itself. Goodness. How can I not see the show and just see it now?!
> 
> And the Chizuru... Personally, I like Yamamoto Sayaka and Kikuchi Mika. I like Sayaka because she's so sweet and have a good voice, and Mika, maybe because she's the one that play Chizuru on Hijikata route. You do realize that Hijiakata is my favorite character. Yeah, I'm being biased here. But her voice is good to. Match with Hiroshi's voice. But that's just my opinion.
> 
> The Hakumyu LIVE is my favorite, especially the Kakizome part (have watched it in Youtube). Goodness, can't stop laughing about it. And Hiroshi!Hiji is just so damn CUTE when he has to give an explanation about the Kakizome that Daisuke!Okita 'found' in his room. KYAAAA! My fangirl blood is screaming :3
> 
> Yeahhh... Okay that's it


	3. -II-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hei all! Thank you for all your responses! It really made me so happy :)
> 
> On, with the story. In this chapter we get a little insight of the other Shinshengumi member thought about what had happened between our main couple. I won't talk much. Just read and enjoy.
> 
> So, here I present another chapter.
> 
> Mikina
> 
> Disclaimer: Hakuouki and its character, also the story is not mine. That's it.

Several days had passed. Nothing special had happened. The days just full of routine activities; waking up, eat the breakfast, practicing the sword, patrolling, and so on. Really just an ordinary days.

And so how the _two of them_ acted toward each other. He still led the Shinshengumi like an oni-fukuchou that he was. And she still did any chores to help the compound, with the patrolling also. Her routines of delivering the green tea every afternoon to him was the only interaction that directly consisted for them to interact. And that routine also was as normal as ever. She delivered, he accepted. That's it.

For untrained eyes, this was the thing that they saw. Nothing special, just as normal as ever. But for anyone that knew and could feel whatever tension that brew between the two persons...

_'It's hell.'_

They didn't dare to touch the subject or even mention it. They knew something had happened. Whatever it was, and it's not something light that you could just brush it off. Even the jester Okita Souji knew not to joke about it. Shinpachi and Heisuke were the one that could not held the tension... No, Kondou was the one that REALLY could not hold it. If not for Saitou or Sannan or Harada to distract or change the topic, the cat would have been out of the bag since they felt the tension.

And thank the Kami for Saitou always distracting Itou whenever the latter began to talk about this matter. Whatever poison that could come out from his mouth would surely become his last words before _something_ happened to him.

For the record, Okita DID try to make a remark or whatever the words that would come out from his mouth to Chizuru. But before he could voiced his words, he canceled it. For the first time since they knew Chizuru was an Oni, he really realized and acknowledged that she WAS an Oni. The dark and intimidating aura around the young woman was more frightening than Hijikata ever emitted. Not that Okita ever scared of the oni-fukuchou. But for him to be _scared_ , that was really something. He even scared for his life at that moment.

For the past several days, the captains life was what like they mentioned above. Something had to be done. It also for their sanity and health. Not to mention if this situation prolong any longer, they didn't want to imagine what damaged could have happened then, and the situation was dire _enough_. They didn't need it to escalate _more_.

Desperate time called for desperate measure. But the question was, who would they sacrificed to step into this forbidden matter? They still valued their life much, unfortunately. So, they still stuck on this hellish situation.

***

"Hei, how long this hellish situation have been?" Nagakura Shinpachi opened his mouth to the silent room. All of the captains were in the common room, minus Itou and Hijikata. Even Yamazaki and Shimada were also in there.

They just gathered in the common room unconsciously. Kondou and Inoue were already in the room when came Okita and Saitou. They met outside the common room. Okita was looking for Kondou while Saitou wanted to meet with Inoue. They entered and took a seat near the other two.

"Souji, Saitou-kun." Kondou greeted them.

"Eh... Are we interrupting you and Gen-san?" Okita said lightly.

"No, you are not interrupting anything Okita-kun." Inoue assured him.

"What the two of you discuss about if you would tell us." Saitou in his ever polite manner asked the two older man.

Both of them exchanged glances before Kondou cleared his throat and spoke, "We talked about _that_ thing."

_'Oh.'_ Came the same answer in their mind. _That_ was the topic that the other two wanted to talk about also with the two older men. And now after they had met the person they were looking for, they just didn't know where they should start. Silence ensued inside the room.

And while Okita and Saitou busy with their own mind, the fusuma door was sliding open and in came Harada, Heisuke and Shinpachi.

The three earlier was practicing in the dojo. Then out of nowhere Heisuke stopped the sparring that he did with Shinpachi. Harada that watched from the sideline just looked to observe what happened. Then the lad screamed his thought, "I can't take this situation anymore!"

Shinpachi frowned and grumbled his answer, "Like who the hell doesn't feel like ripping his head, huh?" He sighed in the end.

"Speaking of the obvious, aren't we?" Harada snorted.

Then they talked this matter a bit inside the dojo, before they decided to go to the common room to talk in more private. The other members just came not long after they were gone. Good thing they had stopped.

They just came and sat in the corner of the room. They looked to the other occupants. It's as if the previous occupants (Kondou, Inoue, Saitou, Souji) in the common room had a mind reading ability that they knew what was inside the mind of the three newcomers were also the one the occupied their mind. And the three newcomers, judging by the atmosphere that lingering inside the common room, also knew that the said occupants were also thinking the same thing as them. All of them were holding their gazes to each other for a minute. Then Heisuke and Shinpachi sighed, and Harada shook his head. The others turned their head in their previous position.

Sannan came not long after, and just sat silently after that beside Kondou. The other spared a glance to the Rasetsu. Ever since becoming one, Sannan rarely joined them on the day light. So when he came, curiosity stirred inside them. Looks like even the Rasetsu could also feel the 'tension' inside the compound.

And last but not least, Yamazaki and Shimada also join, completing the formation. Rather then wanted to join the conversation, the last two would just observe and be a good listener. But still they wanted to know the update information. That's what their job-desk in the Shinshengumi after all. And so we back to the beginning where Shinpachi asked his question.

"It's about a week and a half. 10 days to be precise." Saitou answered deadpanned.

"Are you sure it's only just 10 days, Saitou? Why I felt that we've been in this situation longer than that?" Harada leaned his body to the wall, to show how exhausted he felt of the situation.

"Goshh! I can't stand this situation anymore!" Heisuke whined his frustation. "We have to do something about this! ASAP! I don't know how long I can stand my sanity in that... th-that... Tension!"

"I agree." Kondou nodded his head. "Someone have to do something. Maybe talk to Toshi or Yukimura-kun and ask them what the problem is. Every time they were in the same room, I swear the degree in the room had risen up from hot to suffocating. And it's not even summer."

"You explain it in splendid way Kondou-san." Souji eyes twinkled and gave a loop sided grin before turned serious, "But, I would suggest not to bother Chizuru-chan of this matter. That is, if you want and still value your life. I have tried and asked her but then, I admit, for the first time since become the captain in the Shinshengumi... I'm afraid of something." Remembering the unusual smile that the female Oni gave to him, made him shivered a bit.

"That must be because you approached her in the wrong way." Heisuke voiced his thought, "What did you do to Chizuru, Souji?"

Okita looked toward Heisuke direction and answer while smirking, "Something that you won't do to her."

"What?!"

"Don't provoke him Souji." Saito reprimanded the jester.

"You are no fun, Hajime-kun." Saitou gave a not approving glance toward the first captain. Then continued to explain.

"I was there when Souji asked Yukimura about this matter. And I assured you it just something general that Souji asked in his way." Translated: He teased her a bit, and in his direct and merciless way asked a very delicate manner like it was nothing, unknowingly. Not knowing that what they asked was a very- _very_ delicate manner, they were flabbergasted when they received the intense aura and chilled smile the only woman in Shinshengumi gave to them. They froze in their spot until the said woman went. Cold sweat dripped in their back.

"Chizuru-chan is really fit to be called an Oni back then. She's lifted-up to what she is. So, I will rather bug Hijikata-san to get the answer." Okita ended with a shrug.

"Then why don't you ask him, Souji? I guess in this room, only you that would dare enough to go ask him. His oni mode is in full mode now and if we bug him now, it just same as commit a seppuku." Shinpachi suggested. Some of them nodded, agree with Shinpachi.

"Don't want to. That's too troublesome and I don't want to receive another piercing glare. Not that I'm afraid of him. But I'm just not in the mood to play and annoy him now." Okita said in dismissed way. He didn't want to deal with an irritated oni-fukuchou.

"You... This is not a game idiot." Shinpachi furrowed his brow and folded his arm in front his chest. "Tch!"

"Then... How can we solve this problem and get out of this hellish situation if there's no one that want to Toshi or Yukimura-kun?" Kondou asked once again.

Suddenly, as if there's a switch, all of them, except one person, turned their head to this one person.

"What? Why all of you are looking at me?" Heisuke, the person that didn't turn his head and the one that received the gazes, asked in confuse. Then as his wheel had turned and his switch was on too, he realized why the others were looking at him with that meaningful gaze. "NO! Definitely no! I won't be the sacrificial lamb of this situation!" He rejected the idea with all his might. "You all really so mean you know." And whining in the end.

"Well, that's just one option-"

"That's hardly an option, Souji!" Heisuke cut Okita. The former gave the latter a nasty look.

"Yeah, whatever." Okita rolled his eyes, "So anyone have a better idea?"

"How about we wait until the end of the month." Sannan voiced out his thought, tried to give an advice. Clearly the others were stuck in this department at the moment. Well, he was usually the brain for them after all.

"But that's still too long Sanan-san." Heisuke whined. "Like I said, my sanity is on the line here."

"Be patient Todou-kun. I have a hunch that whatever happened or transpired between Hijikata-kun and Yukimura-kun is not something that can be solved easily. If they haven't confronted each other of this matter, then we meddling with this will only make it worse. Maybe they still have some thought to consider over of this matter." Sannan gave his insight thought of observing the situation of the past several days.

"... Sannan-kun is right. I haven't thought of this matter like that. The tension just made me dull and can't think straight. I'm ashamed of myself." Kondou rub his back neck and gave sheepish smile.

"That's what my duty to assist you Koundo-san. Don't sweat on it." Sannan smiled a genuine smile, a rare sight since he became a Rasetsu.

"Thank you, Sannan-kun." Kondou smiled his big trademark smile. "Okay, it's decided then. We wait until the end of the month to see what happen."

"I just hope I won't go crazy over of waiting." Heisuke frowned. Shinpachi also let out a low grunt. Clearly he didn't happy had to endure such hellish atmosphere like now.

"Damnit..." He muttered low.

"Don't worry both of you. If by the end of the month the two of them will still be like this, we will do something drastic." Sannan suggested while smiling. And the cryptic and subtle smile was back to his mouth. "The situation also was not healthy for the other member."

The occupants in the room (minus Saitou, Okita, Harada) were shivered a bit of that smile of Sannan. They didn't want to know what the bespectacled man had in mind, of the _drastic_ part he mentioned about.

So they would endured the hellish situation till the end of the month, it's about another 10 days. They just hope before the due date was reach, the matter would be solved. But still... Had to spend days ahead like this was not something they were thrilled to do.

_'It's suck.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my another rambling for Hakumyu. Just skip it if you don't want to read it.
> 
> O..M...G...
> 
> You know what? Since I found that myu, every single day, yes, EVERY DAY, at least I watched one arc. So addicted to it. I have watched from Saito-hen to Kazama-hen. For Heisuke-hen, I will wait for the subtitle, because I don't understand Japanese. Except for Hijikata-hen, I have watched the myu with subtitle. And so far... My favorite is Hijikata-hen. Yeah2, I'm being biased here. But really that arc was sooooo GOOD! Well, maybe because of the actor that played so well also make the musical play worth to be watch. The one that played as Hijikata, Yazaki Hiroshi, I am his fan now! Not only he played so well (like he IS the Hijikata himself), but his voice, I like his voice the most! And also Suzuki Shougo, that played Kazama, he IS really the Kazama. He has the highest pitch between the actor, and really-really sang so well. But still I like Hiroshi-kun the most.
> 
> As I said before, I like Yamamoto Sayaka and Kikuchi Mika as Chizuru. My favorite is Kikuchi Mika-chan. She has a very beautiful voice, not to mention for me, she's the prettiest Chizuru. And when I did my research, she and Hiroshi-kun had played together for sometime. Before they played in Hakumyu Hijikata-hen, they had played also as a lover in Musical Dracula. Anddd... My fangirling blood had screamed once more. What a coincidence! Maybe I will make some story about them as themselves someday. I like seeing them as a couple :3
> 
> I haven't dare to watch other Hakumyu, because the Hiijikata isn't Piroshi (Yazaki Hiroshi) anymore. For me, he is the Hijikata. Afraid that I would asses the other actor that played as him in a bad way. Maybe after I had come down from my fangirling world, I will see it.
> 
> Okay, I had let it out. Going to watch again ;D


	4. -III-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello minna-tachi. Ogenki desuka?
> 
> First of all I want to apologize for the lateness of the update. And I have a valid reason reason for that. Please read my author notes below, because there's something that I want to tell you all and ask you something...
> 
> Just enjoy the story first and please read my AN.
> 
> Mikina
> 
> Disclaimer: Hakuouki isn't mine, It's belong to Idea Factory and Otomate.

He sat on his seat with his usual pose. Back straightened in a perfect pose and his right hand was holding the brush. The paper was ready to be written and so also the ink was ready to be used. In one glance there's nothing wrong with this scene. Nothing's wrong... except the person itself that did _nothing_ and just sat still like statue for the past hours.

In the past two hours, since she delivered the tea for him, Hijikata couldn't continue the letter that he had written for some higher up about some previous accident that month. He couldn't even remember whatever he wanted to write. He had read the content again (the letter that he had written and stopped written it when she came and _that thing_ happened two hours ago) to help him remembered whatever that he wanted to write. But still _**couldn't**_ remember for the life of him. He had torn the paper in annoyed and prepared the new paper to write the new letter. And just that. He stuck. His mind was as white as the blank paper in front of him.

No, that's wrong. Because, his mind was full of something... **someone** from what happened that afternoon.

_'Why of why the hair-bands have to snap at this time? And why am I so lazy not to tie up my hair immediately! Damnit!'_ He's asking and cursing himself at the same time inside his head. _'And why should she came at that time? It's not that I'm asking her to bring that darn tea every day to be delivered at this time.'_

His mind was in chaos and not in the right state. He's blaming everything that he could blame, nonsense or not. To hell with it. Well, if he could think with his usual state of mind, he would realize that if she didn't bring the tea like usual, he would likely be more messed up than his state now... Okay maybe just a 'little' messed up. Her tea was what made his mind always calmed and collected. The taste and scent of her tea, bitter but also mild, he didn't know from where she knew just how he liked to drink his tea. Of course not from the Shinshengumi member, he was sure.

Before, he's been grateful enough for the drinkable tea without had to spit it out. The luxury to drink a nice tea was the thing he could enjoy ever since she took over the kitchen duty. _'And thanks the Kami for that.'_ Gave him a sword, he knew how to handle it. Gave him a kitchen knife? He would rather did seppuku rather than admitted he **really** had no idea how to properly use it.

Back to the tea. Yeahhh... The tea. One of the main things that made _that_ situation happened. The gripped on the brush became tighten. He snapped out of his mind when he heard the cracked sound from the broken brush. Sighing in frustration, he put the broken brush and stood up to get the new brush from the cabinet. He took a step toward the cabinet but felt the dampness on the tatami that he stepped to. The remaining of the previous incident. Then his mind drifted to what happened that afternoon.

***

_"Excuse me, Hijikata-san. I bring your tea." She announced her presence to him._

_"Come in."And he gave her the permission to enter the room._

_She slid the fusuma door slowly, picked up the tray and stood from her kneeling position. But when she entered the room and look to the room occupant's where about, she stood froze. In fact, she almost slipped and dropped the tray._

_There, sat in front of his table work, was the man that she_ **met** _a month ago in Shimabara. The usual tied black long hair, that in her opinion was so beautiful and once made her jealous of how he could maintain such long hair, was now released from its usual bundle._

**Why** _did she have to stand from her kneeling position? She could just move a little from where she knelt and put the tea in the floor! She berated herself inside her head._

_But lately, she felt a little restless of anything, especially if she was neared him. Her foot always fidgeting nonstop if he was nearby. The problem was, she could_ _**feel**_ _him_ _**everywhere**._ _It's not weird considering they lived in the same place. But still..._

_His voice, his foot-step, his move... it's just everything about him, she realized it more. **Moorrreeee** than the usual._

_When she delivered his usual tea this time, and also the time before, she always felt her heart was pounding like crazy. At that fateful day in Shimabara,_ **that night** , _something had definitely changed in her. Whatever it was, she wasn't the same Yukimura Chizuru anymore. Despite she had lost her virginity, together with it she also had lost the restraint that she had put in her heart. A restraint of not to think about him more then she should, because lately that was all she had been doing. Even when she did something, there was always one or many things that in the end would remind her of him. One time she almost chopped her finger because she heard his voice when she was cooking. Or another time she almost slipped at nothing when she heard he was coming near her to where she was. She just became clumsier than she usually was._

Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump!

_She could bet that whoever near her in the radius of 1 meter could also hear it, her loud heartbeat, which obviously just her feeling because if it was true, that sharp hearing of him would of course had heard it. Or he just decided to ignore the sound if he did hear it._

_For some unknown reason, she felt more restless at that time... Or maybe because she just heard some of the members murmured about the tension inside the compound that they just felt recently. Thanks the Kami that they just_ **felt** _it recently while the truth was the whole tension had been going for exactly one month. But she was assured the high ranking member, a.k.a the captains, already felt it from the beginning. She could sense their gazes and stares from time to time. Okita did once asked her about it, and she almost snapped at him._ 'That's none of their business.'

_She tried... That's the keyword. She had TRIED to act like nothing happened, but it seemed she couldn't fool them enough. She was a bad actress after all. So yeah, after accidentally heard the other members talking about the tension inside the compound, her feet just wanted to turn back. She was on her way to his room to deliver his usual tea when she heard the members murmur. She was not ready to face him at the moment. The urge to turn back and hide in her room was so tempting. But in the end she still went to deliver the tea. That's why her feet couldn't stop fidgeting. And when she arrived in front of his room and announced her presence, she was a bundle of nerves._

_Plus, looking at the sight in front of her now, it's understandable why she was stood and frozen in her place right now._

***

_His senses became much aware of her since that night. This one month, every time,_ _**every-single-second**_ _his mind had time to think, it was always drifting to her. His face and appearance were as cool and impassive like usual. But the storm that brew since that night never left him and always made his mind and feeling swirled in the same place, hadn't move a single inch from that night._

_He could feel her when she entered the room. It's not his intention to become so much aware of her presence. His body just did on auto-pilot. He didn't know how he become so much aware of her. There was this feeling, this mind, this_ **desire** _screamed to be quenched. To be always near her._ _**Always.**_

_Once, he had restrain that_ _**thing**_ , _but in the end, just one chance had given to him and that one chance had made him_ **did** _that thing._

_He always maintained to keep some safe distance with her. There's this thing that drown him to her since the first time they met. He just brushed it off at first, didn't want to think about it at all. That's why even though she was his page, he never asked her to do anything. But..._

_Little by little, as time goes by, he couldn't just brush that feeling anymore. It had taken some bigger part inside him, especially in his mind and feeling. And with the entire things that happened, plus the demon problem also, he couldn't think his life without her also took part in it anymore._

_She... had became so important. TOO damn important that he would risk his life for her without him realizing it... yet._

_She entered his room. And then she would put his usual tea beside him then went outside again to do whatever chores or maybe went on patrol with one of the captain._

_She always did her routine like this, and he knew it without had to see. He waited for his tea to be placed like usual... but that tea never came to his view._

_Slowly he turned his head to the entrance of his room and what greeted him was a stony figured of Yukimura Chizuru with a widen eyes and a very white pale face. Their gazes met._

_"Yukimura...?" He asked uncertain. Why did she look like she had seen a ghost?_

_"...Hi-ji...kata...san?" Her voice was a little bit shaky and raspy liked she hadn't use it for a long time._

_"Why do you ask? It's me of course. Beside, you've heard me when I answered you to come inside." He said coolly while still confused with what had happened. One eyebrow was raised._

_"Your... hair..."_

'My hair?' _He thought confused while furrowing his brows. Then he remembered that his hair-bands had snapped just a moment before she came and he was in the middle of writing an important report that he decided to let it be for a while. It didn't hinder him to do anything after all._

_So, okay. His hair wasn't tie in its usual way. Big deal. It's not like she hadn't seen him like he was now. There's one time she had seen it and also had helped him to tie it back. There was also that night when they met in Shimabara a month ago-_

_..._

_Now he understood of her reaction when she saw him_ **in** _his state right now. Because suddenly his face also turned as white as her face. Minus the widen eyes. He gulped. His lips turned dried._

'S**t.'

_They stared at each other, unmoved, for about several minutes. And only-god's-know-how-long would they stayed like that if not for the sudden yelled that sounded a lot like Heisuke_ ("Give me back my odango Shinpatsu-san!") _and followed by Shinpachi ran passed his room and later Heisuke also did the same without any of them noticed the tension in one of the the room they had passed running._

_They turned their head to everywhere except each other._

_"He-re's yo-ur tea..." she spoke a bit stuttering._

_"...Just place it there." He said in tight voice. He tried to calm himself down, didn't want to raise any suspicious thought of why he also act like something had happened between them. Indeed there was something had happened, but the girl that stood inside his room didn't have a slightest bit idea that Hijikata also aware of what had happened between them at Shimabara. The thing was, he couldn't calm himself down. There was this strong urge to get near this girl and-_

'STOP that **THINKING!** '

_He didn't want her to be in closed proximity to him. He couldn't guarantee what he wouldn't_ **do** _to her if she got any closer to him. Just the thought of that night, even a slightest, could awake any feeling, any desire,_ **anything** _that he had pressed so hard this one month. And now that thought had crossed his mind again, plus there she was, stood right there..._

_Tortured was spelled everywhere for him._

_"Okay..." She knelt down and placed his tea beside her. "Then, I'll take my leave."_

_Maybe because her nerves were so high up already before she came to his room AND her foot were fidgeting nonstop, PLUS with the shock that she just received, THAT made her became a bundle of nerves, THAT made her tripped her own foot, when she wanted to turn and step outside the room._

_"Akhh!"_

_Whatever the reason that made her stumbled, Hijikata was so startled when he turned to see what the thing that had made Chizuru screamed and found her lunged her body toward him._

_"W-Whoa!"_

_He caught her, thanks to his good reflex. But still his body was pushed and his head hit the tatami floor, fortunately not too hard. And now, her body was on top of him._

_"U-uggh..." He felt a bit dizzy. "Oi, Yukimura." He called her and heard a whimper. "You okay?"_

_She tried to get up from her position. "I'm f-fine." She had closed her eyes when she fell. Slowly she opened her eyes... and their eyes met again._

_**THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!** _

_They didn't know whose heartbeat beating were more louder and harder. The beating was so loud that they felt it could rip their rib-cage._

_They could smell each other scent from their position... So intoxicating._

_They held each other gazes. Their eyes reflected each other faces. Brown orb met azure purple. Their breathe became haggard... Then slowly without him realizing, he placed one hand to her back head and guide it to be closed to his face. They could see their pure desire reflect on each other eyes. They really drove by their desire, not cared for other things beside the person in front of them now._

_She didn't resist. He leaned a bit._

_They closed their eyes, logic was out of the window at the moment. It felt like million years before their face were only an inch..._

_"Damn you Heisuke! That's so uncalled for!"_

_As if there's a fire sprung between them, they moved from each other in lightning speed._

_Their breath were labored and their eyes were widened, threatened to fall from their socket._

'What was that?' _Their mind screamed a same thought._

_A silence stretch for a moment. Then as if there's something snapped in her, she stood from her sitting position, gathered her tray and dashed from his room, knocking the tea glass and made it spilled on the tatami. He just stared dumbfounded after Chizuru left the room as if she had been chasing by an Oni. Not even a real Oni would make her ran like that..._

***

And we return to the present. After that he called Heisuke and Shinpachi (the second voice that interrupted their moment belonged to him) to his room and let's just say the poor duo were being lectured and not only their allowance were being cut but also they had to clean the whole compound alone. If they ever thought that this punishment were not fair, they didn't dare to voice it.

Hijikata was really like a demon that just came from hell when he lectured-slash-lashed at them. Their life were at stake if they even dared to raise an objection of anything. They felt that with him like that, the punishment were light enough. He could give them more than what he assigned them to... or maybe even commended them to do a seppuku. They really didn't know what had made him like that. They doubted that only running and shouting in the compound could make him that irate. It's not that this was the first time they did it. So, they felt so lucky that they were unscathed when they were out from the demon den, _errr_ , his room.

And for Hijikata... He was lashing his restrain tension to the two captains. He realized that. Because really, if he didn't do that, he would run and search the only woman in the compound and would continue whatever they did that time. And maybe escalated like the night one month ago.

He tried to suppress the feeling, the frustrated feeling and tension from her close proximity and their tangled body for the past hours. But his effort was turned to be futile because his body became rigid after stepped on the dampened tatami and what happened in this room two hours ago just came back full force.

His body was tight as ever and he felt hot suddenly.

He needed a cold bath. _**ASAP**_.

***

Chizuru ran to her room after came out from Hijikata's room and closed the door in loud slammed. She's gasping for breath. She slumped to the tatami and covered her face.

Then she grabbed her pillow and released a frustrated scream that sounded muffle because of the pillow.

**"AKKKKKHHHHHHH!"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, the tension just get more intense. The opposite result of what the captain hope for... :3
> 
> I'll try to update the story next month and the next chapter won't be too long like this chapter. I hope you enjoy this chapter :)
> 
> So, about what I want to talk about... I have received a review from one of my story and this person said that my story was hard to understand and had just barely could read it. Well, that kind of gave me a blow. And that's why I was kinda had a writer blog for the previous month. I read all my story again while asked to myself was it really hard to read and understand? English isn't my mother language. Even I just stated it not too many, but I have stated it. And I used it often in a passive way. I TRIED and still trying to improve my English until now.
> 
> For you all readers, please tell me if my story are really hard to understand or you barely could read it. What is the purpose if you don't understand what I wanted to tell you?
> 
> I'm not in a slump anymore, that's why I can update this chapter. But I'll really appreciate it if you could give some feedback about my writing. I love to make a story, especially for my favorite couple. Have many ideas and plot for them.
> 
> You can give me some input about how I should write it to make it more enjoyable for you all, it will also help me improve my English.
> 
> That's all what I want to say.
> 
> See u all again in the next chapter ;D


	5. -IV-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey readers. Long time no see.
> 
> Well, I am really sorry for this late update. August was really a busy month for me. Also I got sick that prevent me to do anything except have to get rest. So, I hope you will forgive me for my lateness.
> 
> So, just read and enjoy this chapter first. I'll say my comment at the end of the chapter later.
> 
> Mikina

Ever since he became a doctor, Matsumoto Ryojun had encountered many patients with different kinds of disease, illness and sickness. Either it's just a mere cold to a wound that caused by sword and many other causes. From kids to adult to the elder. Men and women. He had shared half of his life to study about medicine and also pursue his career on it. He's a famous doctor himself.

And of course meeting with the Shinshengumi was also one part of his life's journey. He had met and befriended with Kondo Isami when he resided in Kyoto to serve the Shogunate. And later became an unofficial doctor that once in a while checked every member's health.

Later in his late day, he would always remember that his encountered with the Shinshengumi was one of his fond memories. The one that would make him spread a little smile while remembering all the captains and members in the Shinshengumi. With their antics and their recklessness, or if you prefer to use his term, their _stupidity_ without having a second thought about their body that would always made him wanted to strangle them with his own hands if he visited them when he could. Thanked the Kami they still had Yamazaki and Yukimura Chizuru to tend their wound and health.

And speaking of Chizuru... She was a daughter of his acquaintance, Yukimura Kodou, who he met only a few times. He met Yukimura Kodou for the first time when he came to one of Aizu's castle in Kyoto. They had short conversation and after that they met for a few more times. He did mention that he had a daughter that lived at their house in Edo. They were just acquaintance, fellow doctor that served the Shogunate at that time. He didn't know much of who Yukimura Kodou was. But, he knew the involvement of the said man with _**that**_ matter.

_Ochimizu._

_Rasetsu._

He very much objected of the idea. Kodou had offered him to join on the research once. But, everything about this matter was off. He had a hunch that there's some other reason, a much darker one of what the one that was being told. So, he rejected the offer, but he had his way of kept being updated on this matter. Included the involvement of the Shinshengumi.

Imagined the shocked when Kondou Isami told him in his once-a-while-visit to check on the Shinshengumi's members that there's a girl living with the Shinshengumi, and that girl was no other than Yukimura Chizuru, his acquaintance's daughter and the said girl was looking for him, Matsumoto Ryojun. He never met with the girl and was confused of why she would be looking for him.

The girl disguised herself as a boy and for quite some time had lived with the Shinsengumi while searching for her missing father. Later the girl told him that she had been looking for him because of her father's note that had told her to go and search for him, Matsumoto Ryoujun, if something had happened to the former. He had heard the disappearance of Kodou but didn't know the detail of it. He had felt sorry for the poor girl because he couldn't help her.

He thought that the girl would immediately return back to Edo after she knew that he also didn't know of his father where about, but for some reason she still lived and stayed with the Shinshengumi. Not a life he would recommend, but he knew these people and the girl herself looked quite fond to live with them. He also could check on her when he visited to do the checkup.

So, he came to Nishihongwanji, the current place that Shinshengumi resided, to do the health checkup. He hoped that the members were as healthy as they could be.

... But no one told him that he would find something shocking, or rather amusing in this time he visited the group.

***

"Who is the one that sick"? Matsumoto asked in amused tone.

"Hijikata-san. Our oni-fukuchou." Harada answered in flat tone.

"His sickness is-"

"Cold and flu. And a very nasty fever." Saitou answered deadpan with a little bit edge in his voice.

"And he's sick because-"

"That _**baka**_ took a cold bath in this freezing and cold weather for at least one hour. I heard one of the member said he even heard Hijikata-san was letting out a growling sound when he took the bath." Okita shook his head, emphasizing the baka (stupid/idiot) word. "I wonder if he's really Hijikata Toshizou, the vice commander of Shinshengumi, the oni-fukuchou that everyone were afraid of, not me of course. He's acting like an idiot."

"Souji!" Koundou reprimanded the first captain.

Okita snorted, "Sorry Kondou-san. But I bet all of us at least thought and still think that what he did was beyond stupid. And look at the result. He has been bedridden to the bed this **whole** week. And he still didn't want to tell us why he did such a stupid thing like that."

The room, the common room, consist of the Kondou, Saitou, Harada, Okita,Yamazaki and of course Matsumoto himself. Heisuke was patrolling and Shinpachi was training the members while Inoue was on kitchen duty. Sannan was on his room, and Itou was somewhere on the compound. And Chizuru?

The only girl in the compound open the fusuma door slowly. "Excuse me." She entered with a tray that full of a glass of hot tea that was to be served.

"Ah, thank you Yukimura-kun." Kondou said his gratitude that was replied with a small smile from the girl. The other also said their 'Thank you'. She wanted to go out but Matsumoto called her name and she halted her step.

"Chizuru, why don't you also join the conversation? I haven't seen you for a while after all." Matsumoto eyed the girl with expectation and delight.

"Matsumoto-sensei is right. Please have a seat Yukimura-kun." Kondou supported the statement.

"But I have to help Inoue-san-"

"Gen-san will understand that if you don't return to the kitchen means that you are being held captive by us." Okita cut Chizuru words.

"You were so busy these past few days Yukimura. Just rest for now and you may continue your chores later. I'm sure Gen-san would not be angry if you take a rest for a while. You also just get healed from your sickness. Don't strain yourself." Saitou gave his reason. And before Chizuru could utter her countered, Harada shoot the final word.

"Besides, we won't want you to be sick again, like someone we all know." And that's it. Every time there's something or someone that directly or not mentioned about that someone, she would rather avoid the thing or just stay silent the whole ordeal.

She just afraid that they would ask (interrogate for Okita) her of what happened last week. She and Hijikata got sick in the same day, together. While Hijikata got his sickness because he took a cold bath, she got her sickness because simply she used her brain way too much, it's overloaded. And she didn't get enough sleep. Fortunately after 3 days of bed rest she was as good as new. But still, she knew, the captains wanted to ask her what was the caused that could make her sick, because she was FINE the day before. Some of them, like Inoe and Shimada asked her of why she could get sick. She answered them with a thin smile and a vague answer like she just got tired and the cold air made her more prone to illness. She gave all the people that asked her the same answer. And hope to the Kami that the answer was sufficient enough. After all, she couldn't tell them the real reason of why she was sick.

She sat quietly on the empty spot and put the tray beside her. While crossed her finger, hoped that they wouldn't ask her about that thing. She was very much cornered now, her escape were blocked by Matsumoto earlier. Sat in the common room with most of the captain that wanted to know what had had happened. Really, she couldn't ask for a more cornered position. She gulped.

"Okay, where were we left off?" Kondou scratched his head to gather his thought.

"What we wanted to ask you Matsumoto-sensei, is to give a **very** effective medicine that can cure instantly, **immediately** of Hijikata-san's sickness and spare us the pain." Okita said rather ticked off of remembering some events.

"The pain of what?" Matsumoto asked confused.

"That _**baka**_ -" Kondou cleared his throat loudly, Okita caught what the meaning and sighed, "Hijikata-san didn't want to be confined in bed and always insisted that he was alright while the truth was the opposite. I also know how sucks it can be to have to stay in bed always and can't do anything. _**BUT**_ ," He shook his head, "I don't think I'm that bull headed that have to be watched always every time. He always did something besides sleep that in the end will make his condition worse."

"Like what?"

"Did the pile of paperwork." Kondou said this in a shame. "Really, I should have help him instead of let him took all that paperwork."

"Practice. I have to drag him from the dojo but in the end I had to carry him because he fainted in the middle of the way back to his room." Harada said in exhausted. "And I did it three times."

"He tried to join the patrolled. But he started to cough and sneeze continuously and in the end, before he collapsed in front of the entire squad, I grabbed his shoulder and helped him got back to his room. And yeah, he also fainted in a half way to his room." Saitou explained in usual tone but, "He did that four times." the left-handed samurai also sighed in the end.

"I heard from Heisuke and Shinpachi that he also tried to have a spar with them. And for me, I caught him tried to sneak out from his room to do whatever. And to spare us the trouble I just jab him in the back and dragged him back to his room." said Okita.

"He went to the kitchen once but he fainted before he could fully entered the kitchen." Chizuru said in timid voice. But she didn't say to the other that she also remembered that before he fainted, their eyes met accidentally. Their body were frozen in that second. They held their gazes for several seconds before he rolled his eyes backward and fainted. She was really panic and called his name in frantic. Thanks to Yamazaki and Shimada that were nearby and immediately carried Hijikata back to his room. A faint blush appeared in her cheek. She shook it off before the other noticed it.

"So, do you get why we are so IN need of that medicine, Matsumoto-sensei? We really have had enough of his 'antics'." Okita was fed up with the situation. Not to mention Sannan. He knew what Hijikata had done to himself and had once graced him with his presence just to scold the fukuchou to act like a vice commander, to take care of his body more, to think before did something rash… and to stop being childish.

_"For Kami's sake, just admit that you are sick and need rest to get healed, Hijikata-kun."_ He said it with a smile that full of promise of a very painful _-beep-_ if it was not obey. Shinpachi and Harada had to restrain Sannan not to strangle Hijikata after that, because clearly the latter didn't obey it.

"Please, if you have a medicine that can cure Toshi fast, **please** give it to him. My head already began to pound from this... unfortunate event." Kondou pleaded Matsumoto with desperate tone and watery eyes.

The other also looked at Matsumoto with vary look that only meant for one thing. The word 'HELP' was screaming from their gazes and faces.

"I have to look at Hijikata-san first before I can decide what medicine that can effectively cure his illness in quick." Matsumoto gave his answer. He received a relieved sigh and vary gratitude from the others.

"Thank you Matsumoto-sensei. We just don't know how long we could stand Hijikata-san antics before we start to plan to strangle him or the illness starts to eat him up." Harada said in relieved.

"No, it's okay. I'm a doctor. And to cure a patient is my job. You don't have to thank me for that."

"At least you have save us so we don't have to dirty our hand of disposing-"

"SOUJI!" Kondou yelled that made the other startled. Okita knew he had been going too far with his joke this time...or not. But he didn't want Kondou to be angry at him so he shut his mouth with a pout.

"Okay, now I will go to Hijikata-san room. To see his condition." Matsumoto rose from his seat.

"Yamazaki-kun please escort Matsumoto-sensei." Kondou asked the quiet Yamazaki. He almost forgot he was there.

"Hai." Yamazaki answered and led Matsumoto outside the room. Matsumoto followed the young lad while pondered how bad Hijikata condition would be.

Chizuru exhaled a breath that she unconsciously held since the other asked her to join them. Looks like this was the end of the conversation. She immediately stood from his position and excused herself before she was really being held captive. "Excuse me." She exit the room quickly and head to kitchen.

"I guess Chizuru-chan could feel that we will ask her about why she and Hijikata-san got sick in the same time. That's why she quickly dashed from here." Harada looked at the open door that connected to the hallway. The other captains, minus Itou, had a very strong hunch that the two of them was getting sick, not to mention at the same time, because of the same reason that happened between them. They just didn't voiced it out.

"She really has a sharp sense." commented Saitou. "Maybe that's one of her ability of being an Oni."

"It's just too fishy. I can smell something amiss and juicy had happened between the two of them. And what had happened was one of the result of that something." Okita crossed his arm in front of his body. "And it really doing something on my nerves because I don't know what it is."

"Don't pry into something that is not your business, Souji." Saitou scolded Okita.

"I have enough of being scolded today, Hajime-kun. Don't add oil to the fire. You know, I'm not a patience person." Okita placed his right hand on the handle of his sword while gave a sharp stare from his green eyes. Saitou stared back at him with the same intense while his left hand reached his sword that rest on his side.

"Now, now. It's not something to be quarreled of. Let go the sword from your grip, both of you." Kondou stopped Okita and Saitou. The other two let go their sword.

"Chill it guys. You don't have to add the tension that hasn't gone down." With Harada remark, the other two toned down the tension between them. "It's rare for you to get riled up so easily, Saitou."

"Just like you said, the tension hasn't gone down one bit. Let's be frank, it gets even higher than before. Maybe because of that, my mind is also rather… tense." explained Saitou tight. People who knew Saitou, for him to talk like that was meant that he was at his limit already.

"Even Sannan-san had exploded. With his Rasetsu power it's a wonder how Shinpachi and I could hold and restrain him not to kill Hijikata-san two days ago. Kondou-san," Kondou looked at Harada when he addressed his name, "can't you talk to Hijikata-san and, maybe, I don't know, tell him to settle whatever problem he has with Chizuru-chan?" They had a silent agreement not to ask the problem. They had learned their lesson, courtesy of Chizuru. But as stated before, desperate times call for desperate measure. Even if they had to break the silent agreement.

"I already have a plan to talk to Toshi about this. After Matsumoto-sensei is done with his examination." Kondou kneaded his forehead of the upcoming headache. "Don't expect much though." He said grimly.

The other gave a silent nod and just hope for one thing in their mind.

_'Let the Kami give Matsumoto-sensei a way to cure Hijikata illness. We really need a_ _**divine intervention**_ _now. If not, we are doomed to be stress by his action.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's it for now. Originally I also want to add the scene in Hijikata room, with the examination and also the talk between Hijikata and Kondou. But I will reserve it for the next chapter. That would be another long chapter itself. Also I want to tell you that this story will be written in a slow pace. Please be patience with me.
> 
> And... I have made a mistake, a big one I think. When I played the game again to know the flow of the story, I realized something. The Shinshengumi member SHOULD NOT KNOW that Chizuru is an oni YET in the original story line. but in my story they already knew in the time frame I used.
> 
> Really, I realized with horror what a messed I have created. So, here's the deal guys, in my STORY the Shinshengumi already knew about what Chizuru was before the Shimabara incident (Chizuru disguised as a maiko). And how they got to know, I will insert it at the story by whom and how they know.
> 
> I don't know did you realize it or not. It doesn't disturb the story much. But really, I think this explanation is needed before you realize and get confuse later in the future.
> 
> I don't know when I can update the next chapter. I hope it won't be as long as this chapter and the previous one.
> 
> Thank you once again for reading my story. 
> 
> See you guys in the next chapter.


	6. -V-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all readers! How are you folks?
> 
> I'm really sorry for the lateness of the update. I didn't forget about this story, don't worry. And I have every intention to finish this story. It's just for the past month my health is not in very good condition. I have my idea inside my head, but I just haven't write it down. So yeah, this chapter took much longer than it should be. I'm really sorry for that and thank you for all of you that had been waiting for this story. and for the bonus you can read the next chapter for next week!
> 
> Just for a note, I think my Chizuru is rather bold compare to the Chizuru in the anime or in Hijikata's route. I don't think that the Chizuru in there would dare enough to take any action like what I've made her do in my story. So she's maybe a little OOC, but I need her to be like that. Because Hijikata needed to be provoke like that, he is to aloof with his feeling toward our girl. Someone has to make a move for the story to get going and for them to be working.
> 
> Sooo, what will our girl do next? Just read the story and may you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> Mikina

Huff...Huff...Huff...Huff....

A ragged and heavy breath could be heard from inside one room. And inside that room there's one person, lying on his bed. A very sick person that none other was our oni fukuchou.

Hijikata was suffering in his room, courtesy of himself of course. At last, the day he couldn't do anymore of his antics had come, because just to open his eyes was VERY difficult, let alone to move his body. His stubbornness of not want to admit that he was sick and needed to rest had getting into him in the end. He's completely motionless on his futon.

_'I'm gonna die…. My head is splitting…. My body is shivering…. My ears are ringing…. Breathing is so hard…. Did someone pour a sand to my mouth? It feels so damn itchy. I feel so cold….'_

He opened his eyes a little bit but closed it immediately. He felt so exhausted, so weak, so sick.... 

_'Is this the end of me? So pathetic....'_

There was a rustle sound of his soji door being slide opened and closed. A person had entered his room. Because of his condition, he didn't hear when someone had entered his room. But when that person sat beside him, he could feel the presence. He tried to open his eyes to see whatever presence he had felt. But, again, all he could see was a blurry silhouette. 

_'Is that a Shinigami? He's so black. I don't think a living person could be so black like this one.'_ Clearly, his mind was having a delusional because of his high fever that he couldn't recognize the person that had enter his room. And no, it's not a Shinigami. _'Shinigami-san, you can’t take my soul now. This is not my time yet. And also.... I haven't told her about that night. Just go away will you!'_

"Go...away...you...Shini...gami..." He spoke with a very weak voice and his raspy voice was not helping. 

"I'm not a Shinigami Hijikata-san. It's me, Matsumoto Ryoujun. And I'm not going anywhere until I check on your condition and give you a medicine." Matsumoto answered Hijikata with final tone before he began to examine him. Nonetheless he was amused by what the vice commander had said. Before he even touched his body to do his examination, he'd already knew how bad his condition was. _'If I don't help him know, a real Shinigami will come to get you soon enough, Hijikata-san.'_ mused his thought.

Even in his weak state at the moment, his sharp mind was still working. He recognized whose voice that speaking, "Matsu..moto-sen...sei..?"

"Yes, it's me. I come to examine you Hijikata-san." Matsumoto answered while continued to examine the vice commander. Hijikata stayed silent the whole process. Well, he didn't have any energy to do anything after all. And because of his sore throat, speaking was plain impossible.

For sometimes Matsumoto checked his body condition. After finished, the doctor sat still and looked at the patient. Then he sighed.

"Really... A real Shinigami will come to you soon enough if you still act like what I've heard about. I know you can hear me Hijikata-san. For your own sake, don't ever move from your bed, at least for a week. Get a plenty of rest and sleep. And-"

Matsumoto voiced was somehow getting softer in Hijikata's ear. To the point that the voice commander no longer could hear it, because he was unconscious and fainted in the middle of talk.

"....I will see you next week to check on your condition. And I hope you'll regain your health back." Matsumoto ended his speech and looked at Hijikata. The patient was sleeping. He once again checked for Hijikata pulse and he found the vice commander was only sleeping. He tried to make sounds as little as he could when he stood from his position and exited the room. 

Outside, Matsumoto met Yamazaki that had been waited in kneeling position for a while. "I had examined Hijikata-san's condition. I will prescribe some medicine and please give him according to my instruction later. Give him a light meal that can be easily digest. And more importantly, don't let him OUT of the bed for at least a week."

"I understand." Yamazaki answered and bowed his head. 

Matsumoto shook his head, "Really, I know that you bunch are stubborn but this level of stubbornness is beyond what I think."

After that Matsumoto gave the prescription that he mentioned earlier with the instruction also. Then he left the compound with a promised to come back the week later.

\----

Midnight, with as quietly as possible, someone entered Hijikata's room. With a tray that brought the fukuchou's medicine and a bowl of sweet red bean soup with rice cake, Hijikata's favorite, the person entered the room. 

The room was dark. But that night the moon was in full shape and shone so bright. For a brief, it alighted the fukuchou room when the person slid the souji door and entered the room, and you could see the person face and figure. A petite figure clad in pink kimono. Also you could see the worry that shone in the brown orbs, before the person closed the door.

The room wasn't as dark as it usually was, because of the full-moon. That's why she could move around inside the room without difficulty. 

Even though this was the latest thing that she wanted to do, but before she realized it she had offered herself to take care of the fukuchou, when Yamazaki explained to the other captains of what Matsumoto-sensei had told him at dinner time.

The other captains were quite shocked for her statement. Of course the person itself were more shocked then the other. 

_'What did I think when I said that?'_

The answer was she had been worried and thought about Hijikata for a while. She knew what Hijikata had done while he was in his state. But she didn't have any courage to say anything to him regarding his antics. In the end, she couldn't stand it anymore. She HAD to see him. And when else would she had a chance to see him without the latter knew about it? She didn't want to wait any longer. Her desire to be near him was at the limit.

Slowly, she put the tray beside the futon and sat beside it. She looked into the man that had took over her heart. His face contorted with a pain that he felt right now. She set aside the hair that cover his face and put her hand to his forehead. 

_'It's still burning hot. Yamazaki-kun had given the medicine once before this. Looks like the medicine hasn't worked yet.'_

Against her cool and cold hands, the skin was felt so hot. There was a bassinet that fill with cold water and a cloth beside the futon near where she sat. She took off her hand and wanted to cool off the fever with the cloth, but then something stopped her.

"Chizuru...?"

She froze with one of her hand still in the midair, just an inch from Hijikata's face. She looked to him. Afraid to see that azure purple stared at her with accusing look. But, the eyes were closed. 

....Did he called her Chizuru? Not Yukimura? 

.....Or was it her imagination when she heard he called her name?

"Chizuru."

The eyes that were closed before, slowly opened. What greeted her was a hazy and confused gaze, not a cold, composed and calculated stared he always gave.

"What are you doing?" 

Her heart rate was quickening a beat or two when she heard her name was called for the second time. When his eyes were opened she stopped her breath for a second. Before her thought told her to run from the room, his voice had stopped her to do that.

So soft, so weak, so... Not him. 

And once again, her heart, feeling and compassion for this 'man', had taken over her rational thought.

"I come to take care of you, Hijikata-san."

\---

His body was burning. There was a fire inside his body that made him so hot and weak. Not the _heat_ when he thought of certain someone, mind you...

He felt hot and cold at the same time. Oh, Kami-sama, if he could pass this thing, he wouldn't ever want to experience this kind of thing again. He would never underestimate cold, EVER again. Who'd thought that a cold could bring down the infamous oni-fukuchou to his state like now?

At one time, he kind of felt that someone has entered to his room once to give him a very bitter medicine. He spitted it out and choked it when the medicine entered his mouth. He thought that someone tried to give him a poison, but then the person that gave him this _deadly_ potion told him that it was his medicine. The taste was similar to Ishida Powder's, his family medicine. For a split second he thought he was really done for. He drank the medicine with difficulty, because of the awful taste. Somehow he could hear Heisuke and Souji laughing because of the medicine.

That someone also gave him a bit of porridge. Maybe that's why he felt a little better and felt some strength. But still, the pain won't subside.

Long after that nothing was happening. Then in the midst of his suffering, suddenly there was this coldness that cooling his forehead. A soft touch that also very soothing. Not many things that could give him a feel like that. In fact, only one person that could give him this feeling at that time. Such a strange thing to be felt when the same person was also the only one that could ignite the opposite. The desire that began the whole problem and matter.

He said her name, not her surname, without him realizing it. Twice. He'd thought that he'd imagined her presence, that's why he said her name in question the first time. But he was certain that she was near him. He called her name again assured, while opened his eyes.

And there, she was there sat beside him. He's asking what was she do inside his room. And what greeted her was a smile of an angel. Although he never met once but he knew if there was an angel, the presence and the smile would be like what he felt and saw now.

"I come to take care of you, Hijikata-san." 

Was he dreaming?

"I bring your medicine and a bowl of sweat red bean soup with rice cake. Can you sit and take your medicine?"

No, he's not dreaming. The woman that had occupied most of his thought this one month was there, sat near him and she said that she would take care of him. The Kami was so good to him.

"Hijikata-san?"

"Huh? Oh, let me try to sit." He tried to move his body. But looked like it still not possible for him. Then without missing a second, she helped him to support his body. She watched him closed enough to know if he was restraining his body or not. He accepted it. 

When he already sat in sitting position, he met her eyes that looked worry for him, "Are you comfortable with this position?" 

"Yeah, it's okay." He answered with raspy voice. He turned his head and saw the tray. 

"Feed me."

She blinked in shock, "I beg your pardon?"

"Feed me. You bring me food and medicine. I want to eat first before drink that medicine. But looks like I'm still weak and don't have enough energy to move my muscle. So, feed me," He paused before added the last word, 

_"please, Chizuru."_


	7. -VI-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I say sorry to you all first my readers? And I just realize I always open the author note in almost every chapter with an apology because of my lateness or in this case, I can't fulfill my promise to you. Not a good thing I know, but I really want to say sorry and I will try to do my best on this story, like updating regularly and I won't make any promise that I can't fulfill.
> 
> Anyway, Happy New Year to you all! I intended to make this chapter as a Christmas present. BUT when I want to post the chapter, I re-read it again and there's something that didn't sit right with me. So I deleted that chapter and it take me long enough to write a new one. That's the reason why it take so long.
> 
> There will be an end note that will explain some part of the stories and my thought for this chapter. You can read it to understand the story more.
> 
> May you enjoy the story then ;0
> 
> Mikina

It must be because of the fever that he could SAY that THING to her. No way in million years would Hijikata asked her to do that if he's not sick. She could see that Hijikata's eyes were half lidded. A look of daze and not focus was plastered on his face. _'He looks like when he was drunk. His mind still not fully awake…. Maybe he will not remember what's happening tonight also.'_

But still, the oni fukuchou asked her to feed him. He _pleaded_ her to feed him. Even though his state was like 'that' at the moment... He would surely kill her if he knew that the word _cute_ was swimming in her mind now to describe his expression.

....She wanted to hug him.... 

....and he called her _Chizuru_ again....

"Okay. If you'll let me." She answered with a small smile.

He knitted his eyebrow. "Wipe off your smile. This is not a thing to be smiled about." He said in a weak and slurred voice, but his tone was commanding. She swore she saw him 'blushing' a bit. But maybe that’s because of his feverish state.

"Hai." A small smile tugged on her face, still. He just sighed in the end.

She fed him carefully and slowly with such tender. He never knew that his favorite food could taste so divine like what he ate at the moment. He ate it and swallowed the tasty food easily and it warmed his stomach. 

"Did you cook this soup?" He asked her after he finished. She put the bowl and prepared to give him the medicine when he asked. 

"Yes. Matsumoto-sensei had told Yamazaki-kun to give you food that you can digest easily. I thought a porridge would be better at first, but then Kondou-san said that maybe you'd like to eat a sweet red bean soup with rice cake. The ingredients were all there, and it's not hard to make so, I made it."

The thing that she didn't say was she carefully picked the red bean and chose the best one, made the paste from the beginning and she had to buy the rice cake that on that day was running out almost in every shop and after the nth shop, she found it. It took her almost all her time that day just to serve him this one bowl of soup. Maybe that's why the taste wasn't the usual Hijikata would eat. It contained Chizuru's feeling for him.

"Did you not like it?" Just then she felt a doubt feeling of him not liking her cooking. So far whenever she cooked and served it when they ate together with the captains, he never complained about it. He even said once that he liked how she brew the tea that she always gave to him. But, his condition was different now. Maybe his taste bud was so sensitive that he felt her cooking was weird or not good. Oh... She should ask him first if he-

"No. I like it very much." His answered cut her rambling thought. "I never ate a food that taste so good. It easy to be eaten, so tasty and it warm my stomach in a good way. Your cooking is delicious, Chizuru. Just what did you put in there that made it so good?"

A feeling that cared and loved you, Hijikata-san.

She could feel her face, neck, and ear was getting red. He's not only praising her food, he also liked it! 

"I-I didn't put anything else than what it should be. You praise me too much, Hijikata-san." She stuttered a bit but a happy feeling was bursting inside her.

"Thank you for the food, then." He thanked her softly and have her his rare smile. The smile that almost made her breath stop. You could count on how many times the guy in front of her smiled. She always saw him scowled, growled, or most of the time angry. So, when he gave that rare expression, unconsciously her heart would skip a beat. He looked so handsome and serene....

"You're welcome." With much effort she replied after the 'attack'. She diverted her gaze, before she did something stupid like stared with mouth agape of the handsome adonis in front of her _'Get a grip Chizuru!'_ and took the medicine on the tray. "Here, please drink your medicine." She gave the medicine to him and he accepted it _almost_ reluctantly. 

He eyed the medicine with half lidded eyes and remembered the awful taste of the potion. "Did someone gave this medicine to me before?" His furrow got deepen.

"Yes, Yamazaki-kun gave it to you once in the afternoon. It was after Matsumoto-sensei left the compound. The other asked him to give you a very effective medicine to cure your sickness. How do you feel now, Hijikata-san? Do you feel any better?"

"Just a bit." And he drank the medicine quickly.

He gave the empty bowl to Chizuru and she put it on the tray. She looked to Hijikata and realized that his hakama was wet. _'Maybe he was sweating because of the medicine and the food.'_

Just then, Hijikata touched his body, "I'm drench in sweats. My hakama is all wet."

"Maybe it's because of the medicine that you drank and also the food. But, if you have begun to sweat it's a sign that you're getting healed from your sickness. It's a good thing." She explained with a soft smile tugged on her face.

"Still, I'll catch a cold again if I stay like this. I need to change my hakama."

"Then, please change your hakama before you get back to rest. I will step outside." She took the tray, "Good night then, Hijikata-san. Hope you will get much better in the morning." and bowed before she started to stand to leave the room.

A hand grabbed her wrist suddenly that made her dropped her tray to the floor with a clatter sound echoed in the room and she found herself fell into Hijikata's lap. 

"Hijikata-san?!" she squeaked in flabbergasted. His hand was hot against her cool skin. She looked up to him and what greeted her was a cool stare. He stared with his azure purple straight into her brown orbs. She gulped for no reason.

"Didn't you say earlier that you come to take care of me?" He sounded so steady in his weak state. He tilted his head a bit, "Then, why do you want to leave when your _job_ is not finish yet?"

"W-what?" 

"You haven't changed my wet hakama, Chizuru. So... You can't leave yet."

If only she could faint, she would do it without thinking. But her mind had stopped working for a moment. She gave a blank stare. 

They were staring at each other, not moving. Hijikata moved his other hand that didn’t hold Chizuru wrist and cupped her cheek and caressed it with his fingers. “Finish your job until the end before you leave.”

The warmth of Hijikata’s hand brought Chizuru’s mind back and she was surprised to find Hijikata’s face was so closed to her. She could feel his hot breath blow to her face. He looked so calm in even though their face was so near. And not only that, his face was getting closer.

_‘Is-Is he going to kiss me? ……Will we do what we did at the Shimabara a month ago?’_

She couldn’t move. Hijikata stared very much had held her captive and even she wanted to run from this situation, her mind and body weren’t in sync. The other wanted to run, while the other one wanted to stay on the spot and let her suppressed desire to be surfaced again. And the latter was the winner.

 _‘Kami-sama, he’s so handsome.’_ Looked like her mind gradually got in synch with her body also. 

She waited for the rough and thin lips of the oni fukuchou to meet with her plum and soft one….

Then she felt his body weight pressed her to the tatami. But after that, he didn’t do anything. He was still and not moving.

“Hiji-kata-san?” she whispered softly. She didn’t accept any reply from the man. “Hijikata-san?” she called him louder. No answered. _‘Does he fainted?’_

She tried to move his body and he still didn’t move. She looked into his face and his stabilize breath was heard. _‘He’s…. asleep.’_ She sighed relieved. “Don’t start that thing if you can’t finish it Hijikata-san.” She was sounded a bit disappointed. After realizing what she had said, her face turned red so bright. _‘What did I just SAY?! Chizuru you pervert.’_

She vigorously shook her head. Then, she put down Hijikata slowly to the futon. The man still slept tightly.

_‘He has to change his hakama. He will catch a cold again if he sleeps with this wet hakama. Oh… what to do?’ ___

For sometimes she was battling with herself whether she should change his hakama or not. She knew where he kept his clothes in the room, courtesy of Okita. He had put an itchy powder to Hijikata drawer and all of Hijikata clothes were affected to that powder. Hijikata had gave him a really embarrassing punishment that he was sure would make Okita thought a hundred times if he wanted to pull a prank like that again to him. She helped Hijikata washed all the clothes and put it back to his drawer in his room. When this all happened the fukuchou had to go with Kondou-san because they just received a letter that told them to meet the higher up. Hijikata wanted to make Okita the one that washed all the clothes. But on the second thought, and with a better judgement, Hijikata asked Chizuru to help him with that matter.

In the end, she decided to change the hakama. _‘He was asleep after all. It won’t be too embarrassing for me to change his cloth in his state right now.’_ She went to his drawer and took a new hakama for him. Then, there was a task to change his hakama to a new one. She gulped after she realized that she had to undress the man.

 _‘What are you thinking Chizuru! Just change the hakama and get out of here.’_ “I have stayed long enough in this room. Let’s get this done.” She firmed her resolved.

The man body was bigger than her. Carefully she took off the wet hakama. Then she also wiped his body that drenched in sweat with the cloth in the basinet beside the bed. It wasn’t an easy task to change the hakama into a new one. As stated above Hijikata body was bigger than Chizuru. With much effort that at last she was done with that task.

 _‘He really can sleep. With all the pull that I do to move him, he didn’t even grunt or awake.’_ She mused in her thought. Once again, she sat at the bed side and gazed to the sleep man. A chagrined smile adorned her face. _‘But, I bet despite the event that happened this night, he also won’t remember it…. Like he didn’t remember that night in Shimabara.’_

She gathered the tray and the wet hakama, slowly she stood up into standing position. She walked out of the room without glancing back to the patient inside the room. 

And that’s why she, again, didn’t see that the said patient opened his closed eyes and gave her a wistful look. She closed the door together with the man closed his eyes, drifted off to a restless sleep.

\----

Footsteps were heard outside his room before someone opened his souji door in the morning after. The owner of the footstep entered the room and he was greeted with the already awake patient that was also the owner of the room.

“Toshi!” Kondou exclaimed in delight. “You’ve awaken I see.” Kondou closed the door and sat beside the bed. “How are you today? Get any better?” He asked worriedly.

“I’ve gotten better, thank you.” He got up from his laying position in futon. He felt much stronger than the previous night. The proof that he had gotten better. “And I have you and the other captains to thanks, have I not? Didn’t you ask Matsumoto-sensei to give me a very effective medicine that can healed me fast?” Hijikata gave Kondou a slight smile but somehow for unknown reason Kondou felt a chill aura was emitted surround his right-hand man.

“Y-You don’t have to mention it.” He didn’t know why he felt intimidated with the sick man now. Usually an aura like this was always directed toward the enemy of Shinshengumi or someone that had pissed the oni fukuchou. What had he done that now the oni fukuchou had directed this deadly aura to him?

 _‘Thanks to Chizuru soup that I_ do _feel any better. I have you and the other captains to thanks of this_ medicine, _Kondou-san. I will **surely** thank all of you.'_ With a dark thought and a plan of revenge to his co-captains he directed his icy aura to one of his victim.

“To-Toshi, why are you smiling? It’s not that I don’t like you to smile, but for some reasons I find your smile was rather frightening.” Kondou naively voiced his thought. Hijikata than stopped smiling and gave his boss a passive face, before he shook his head. _‘Kondou-san is a wrong person to be blamed. He just pure worry about me. There have to be someone that more suited to receive my wrath.’_

Okita sneezed inside his room. “Achoo!”

“Why you come to my room in the morning, Kondou-san?” His voice had returned back to the normal voice he usually used. And his dark aura had gone. Kondou began to relax and cleared his throat before spoke.

“I come to check on your condition, of course. Looking at you now, I guess Matsumoto-sensei medicine really did the wonder.” Kondou said happily, examined Hijikata with his eyes and pleased with what he saw. Then he turned serious, “He said that you’ll be healed in a week time. And you have to get rest and take it easy still for a week. So, Toshi you still have to rest and drink your medicine. Matsumoto-sensei will come to check on your condition next week. Until his next week you are off duty.”

“I know.”

“Good.” Kondou nodded his head. And he sighed in the end, “This is your first time getting sick this long. Not to mention with what you did, it wasn’t helping at all. Please don’t do it again in the future Toshi.”

“….I know. And I’m sorry for what I did.” With shame, Hijikata admitted and apologized to Kondou. He really didn’t know what had possessed him and why he had become so stubborn of not wanting to admit that he indeed was sick. 

Or so he thought. He _knew_ exactly why he had gotten his sickness and the reasons behind it. 

And the reasons or reason was the same one that made his slept was restless and in the end he woke up to ponder on his mind. Of what had happened the night before, about the situation between them, about what would happen in the future. 

Oh yeah, he was very aware of what had happened last night she had come to his room. If not for the weak state his body had become, he’d likely did what he did at Shimabara. He’s not faking it when suddenly his body felt so heavy and next thing he realized, his body was pressed against her. As if his energy had gone completely from him. _‘It’s the medicine. There must be a sleeping medicine inside that thing. Otherwise I won’t feel so drowsy and weak.’_ He couldn’t do anything. But, he knew what she had done to him. _‘And her slipped of a tongue…’_ From where he got a strength not to pinned that woman and undid her, he didn’t know. He thanked to whoever that had gave him the ability to restrain himself.

Thinking about last night made him wanted to groan. This was the reason of why his slept was so restless.

“Toshi.” Kondou’s voice cut off his thought. And he could sense that whatever topic Kondou wanted to talk about would require his full attention from the tone that Kondou used. He put all his focus on the chief.

“Yes, sir.”

Kondou looked straight to Hijikata, his face serious, “Will you tell me what happened between you and Yukimura-kun?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... Kondou-san had dropped the big bomb. How will Hijikata answer to his question? Stay tune for the next chapter :)
> 
> The chapter that I deleted was full of fluff between Chizuru and Hijikata. I have toned down that in this chapter. It's an angst story, but the one that I wrote back down was so cheesy and in the end I didn't get the result that I want for what it should be. I don't now if I have put anough angst in the story or not, because I think that it's still not enough... Please tell me your opinion on this thought, okay?
> 
> And here's some information from the story:  
> 1) The sweet red bean soup with rice cake is call Shiratama Zenzai. The rice cake that's mention is what you know as Mochi, shape into a ball. I get the information that this was Hijikata's favorite food from one of Reimeiroku OVA where Hijikata was sick and everybody came to visit him.  
> 2) In Shinshengumi's time only man that were a hakama. 
> 
> That's it for now. See u again in the next chapter!


	8. -VII-

Hijikata eyed Kondou with impassive face. He knew that the captains had felt the stuffy tension on the compound. So far no one dared to approach him and asked him about this matter. Looks like they were on their limit already. He sighed inwardly while bracing himself to give the answer. _'How should I answer the question that still have not been answered?'_

Under his sharp gaze and impassive face, Kondou squirmed on his seat. "Toshi, if you don't want to talk about it now, you can answer it later if you're ready." _'Just don't give me that infamous stare of yours.'_ He added in his thought. 

Hijikata closed his eyes and folded his arms in front of his chest. When he opened his eyes a moment a later he stared to Kondou in serious manner. "I have something to confess to you, Kondou-san."

Kondou also gave him a serious pose of his, "I'm all ears" he answered in solemn tone. 

"Please hear me out until I finish tell you all the story." Kondou nodded his head. "I know that you and all the captains have somewhat felt some weird and a stuffy tension since a month ago. And why this stuffing atmosphere is still swirling around is because the problem that was the cause, isn't solved yet."

"Something had happened a month ago?"

Hijikata nodded, "Something that I'm not planning to happen occurred one night ago.... 

"Something had happened between me and Yukimura." Hijikata paused and looked at Kondou reaction. The chief stared back at him and just stay silent. A cue for him to continue. "Did you remember that Yukimura had asked a permission to go out to meet with the other two female demons a month ago?"

Kondou wrecked his brain of the event Hijikata mentioned. Then his eyes widen when he remembered it. "Akh! She did ask to go to Shimabara one day. She said that she wanted to meet with this Osen-chan and... I forget the other name. But I remember she asked our permission to go out that day. And we gave the permission for her to go out. And I also remember that she didn't come back that night. She came back in the morning after." He closed his eyes, digging his thought and then nodding his head to confirm his memory. "Yeah, I remember." He opened his eyes and looked at Hijikata, a big question mark hanging above his head. "So... What about the day? Did something happen that day?"

"We did give her permission to go to Shimabara that day. But the thing was.... I also followed her that night to Shimabara. I followed her incognito, alone."

Kondou's shock face was expected, "You followed Yukimura-kun to Shimabara? Why did you do that?"

"I... I don't know." He's _lying_ of course. "But, it's Shimabara Kondou-san. Surely just that name would give you an uncomfortable feeling, and to let Yukimura went alone to that place was not a good idea." He tried to give Kondou a reasonable excuse for what he had done. 

"Well... You have a point. After all, Yukimura is a girl even though she disguises herself and wear a hakama like a man.” Kondou nodded again on this point. Before he could ask another question to Hijikata, he cut him. “Please keep whatever question you want to ask. Just hear me out until the end.” Kondou remembered that Hijikata had asked him to hear him out first. He held his tongue that had already wanted to ask so many question regarding that one revelation. He gestured with his hand for Hijikata to continue.

“Yes, I followed Yukimura to Shimabara. She had met with the other oni in front of the district and then they went to this one inn, the one that we always went to. I followed them until they got in to one of the room. And the room that next to their room was empty, so I stayed in this room. I had asked for some sake to the geiko in there…. And I drank alone in there.”

He paused and looked straight to Kondou’s eyes. What happened after this was the reason of the stuffy tension between him and Chizuru, of course in the compound also. But to talk to Kondou about everything that had happened… 

Kondou-san was a man that he respected. He had become his leader, his comrade, his friend, his best friend, and kind of like a brother to him. Up till now, all of the things that he had done were mostly for him. He had become the cold and strict persona, and had gained his infamous called oni-fukuchou, all of that were for him. He had made Kondou’s dream became his dream. To be recognized as a Samurai and to carry the truth and justice like what their banner with the word _‘Makoto’_ meant and implied on. Even though most of the Shinshengumi members were not born from a family that had a lineage of a Samurai, but their spirit was one of it. And he would _prove_ it until the last of his breath that they were indeed Samurai, through and through. He always told Kondou all the things that he had thought and felt. Since he had become a student in Kondou’s dojo, he always shared his thought and asked Kondou for advice. He knew that Okita also did the same. Kondou was the closest father figure that he knew at that time after his parents had passed away. He needed a father figure that his sister couldn’t provide of being a woman. Kondou was a family to him.

Still, he hesitated to reveal more than what he had told him. He had suppressed the feeling with so much effort. To talk to Kondou about that thing, meant that he had to bring that suppressed feeling in the surface again. He didn’t know if he could handle this later. This feeling was _too_ much for him that he had decided never to touch that kind of things again. 

At one time, before Shinshengumi was formed, he had a girl that was engaged to him. Their family had promised for them to marry each other. He agreed to marry this girl because of his family. And that girl was also agreed. They didn’t know each other much, but they did meet from time to time. He had known Kondou’s dream back then. That’s why he’d told the girl to wait for him until the Roshigumi, Shinshengumi name back then, was more firm and stabilize before they married. Unfortunately, no one ever told them that this matter would not happen until much time later. And the situation was not the same again. His position was too dangerous for someone like his fiancée to get involve to. In the end, he canceled their engagement with a heavy heart. The girl told him that she understood his situation. On the parting day, she gave him a smile and wished him a good day. A smile that he still remembered was full of sorrow and so sad. After that, he had sworn off not to get in another relationship that time.

But fate had another thing for him. 

He lowered his hand and clenched it into a fist in a tight grip. He closed his eyes to calm his nerves and gave out a loud sighed. He opened his eyes, full with determination to reveal his biggest secret. “Kondou-san.”

“What’s it Toshi?”

“That night…. I had slept with Yukimura.”

 _Blink._ “…Come Again?”

“And I also had taken her virginity… Of course she was a virgin.”

 _Blink. Blink._ “…What?”

“And the worst of it all, she didn’t know that I remember all of this thing.” 

_Blink. Blink. Blink._ “…What do you mean?”

“She left when I was asleep. She thought that I won’t remember that we had slept together and took her virginity.” He told to Kondou bluntly. “I was drunk when we did it. But she didn’t know that I never lost my consciousness even when I was drunk.” Hijikata gulped before he revealed another secret that he had just acknowledged. “…And I was too afraid to confront and tell her about this thing. That I remember everything of what had transpired that night.”

Kondou felt so many emotions at the moment. But the most that he could feel was shocked beyond anything and also flabbergasted of the things that his right hand man had told him. Hijikata waited for Kondou’s shocked to subside. The latter just looked at him with wide eyes and hanging mouth. 

“…To-Toshi you… That night, you…. Yukimu-mura and you……. Oh… OH…. _OH GOSH!!!_ ” And he exploded in the end. Kondou felt his body went limp. The revelation had made him gone weak. His energy had dissipated. He shook his head disbelieve. When he looked back to Hijikata he stared to the man with disbelieve look. “What were you _**thinking**_?”

Hijikata did not have to answer his question. Kondou already knew the answer, he just needed to voice it out. If something like this happened, clearly he was _not_ thinking of _anything_. Kondou closed his eyes to gather his thought and try to calm his ragging heartbeat. 

“Do you like Yukimura-kun?” Kondou’s question made Hijikata stiffen. Kondou closed his eyes for a while and Hijikata stayed silent before Kondou asked the question. When he opened his eyes and looked at Hijikata, Kondou was greeted by an emotion that Hijikata rarely shown to other person. An anguish and bitter expression was emitted from the fukuchou.

“Why do you have to ask the same question that I have been asking this entire time to myself?” He spoke in low and bitter tone. 

“Toshi… How do you feel toward Yukimura-kun?”

“…. I care about her so much. So _damn much_ that I have wanted to always keep her by my side…. I have suppressed that desire for a while. I don’t know from when I have bottle-up this feeling. And the time I come to realize this feeling, I can’t ignore it anymore. It had eaten up my thought and consciousness to think about her in that way. Even my former fiancée didn’t evoke any feeling like I have felt toward Yukimura now.” His voice became raw with each word that he bared to Kondou. “Because of this, I had followed her to Shimabara that night. She fell suddenly to my room when I was drinking my sake. I was caught off guard. And then… We talked for sometimes before we did that thing. I didn’t remember who moved first.” 

Hijikata could remember what they were talking about that time. And for the first time he’d told Chizuru about his dream and about himself. He never talked like this to any other person. Maybe because the sake had made him relax, plus the silent and peaceful night without had to stand on guard that he barely could enjoy inside the compound. They turned their head at one time, facing toward each other, and they could see the desire that reflected in their eyes. Hijikata didn’t tell Kondou that they were so caught up by desire toward each other. When their lips were met, it’s not just a mere peck or a sweet long kiss. They ravished each other and before they knew, they only wore their birthday suit. Skin against skin. 

“The morning after, I could feel it when she woke up and moved. She moved so quietly and before she exited the room, she said this one word that made me question what I feel toward her.

“She said _goodbye_.” That one word that had made him felt a pain that was unknown to him. Kondou saw Hijikata clenched hand had tightened more in its grip. 

“Kondou-san…” Hijikata called Kondou with a tone of a defeated soldier. “I had tried to fight off this feeling…. I don’t want to get involved in this kind of relationship again. My former relationship was ruined because of who I have become. You know that I have sworn off not to be in any relationship again. It’s too dangerous.

“But… the more I try to dismiss it, the more I’ve thought about it.”

Kondou felt sad and also frustrated toward Hijikata. “Why are so _hard_ on yourself Toshi? You know that even we are what we are now, we are allowed to pursue our happiness. You have worked so hard that we can achieve what we have now. You have to give yourself a chance.” 

“I CAN’T!” Hijikata raised his voice, startling Kondou. “You know I can’t do that Kondou-san.”

Hijikata once talked to Kondou about this after he annulled his engagement. He had realized, Shinshengumi and his own happiness of having a family of his own couldn’t be in the same place. If he gave himself just a little of chance of pursuing his own happiness… He wouldn’t be able to become the fukuchou of Shinshengumi anymore. His only focus would be solely on this happiness. He wouldn’t give a damn about what happened with the Shinshengumi. Because he knew what Shinshengumi was. And he didn’t want any of that thing to meddle in his so called happiness life. Too much blood had been shed for the name of Shinshengumi. Also the matter of rasetsu. He didn’t want his happiness to be tainted with all of _that_. He lived in Shinshengumi because he wanted to make Kondou’s dream to become true. He didn’t allow himself to think about his own. After all, he had made Kondou’s dream to become _his_.

“Don’t ask for the impossible Kondou-san. It’s like you’re asking me to choose between me and you. And you sure know what my answer will be.” Serizawa had asked this to him once, if he had prepared to become a demon that would wiped off anyone that hinder Shinshengumi path. An _oni_ he had become. And he didn’t plan to back off from that in the recent time. 

Kondou knew what Hijkata had done for him. There were two feelings that he felt toward his right hand man. Grateful and guilt. Guilt and shame. And now, he felt the latter feeling overcame him.

“Don’t you dare say sorry to me.” Hijikata cut him sharp before Kondou could utter his apology. He had seen Kondou’s head bowed. His face was saying the thing that he just stopped him to say. “I’m aware of what I’ve done. And I don’t feel regret ever doing what I’ve done. So, please,” he pleaded to his chief, “don’t make me questioning myself of what I’ve done by apologizing to me.”

Kondou lifted his head and he saw directly to Hijikata. A small and wistful smile spread on his face. Kondou closed his eyes and breathe a loud sigh. He had to become a more reliable leader for all the people that had looked up to him and care for him, he reminded himself inwardly. He opened his eyes and gave a small smile, to reassure Hijikata.

“Then, answer this one question for me Toshi.” Kondou regained his composure and asked Hijikata, “What will you do regarding yours and Yukimura-kun matter? You can’t drag this thing any longer. It’s not good for both of you. And to be honest, I can’t hold this atmosphere for much longer. And neither the other captains.

“You said that you’re too afraid to talk to Yukimura-kun about this.” Kondou tilted his head a bit, “What are you afraid of?”

“…Kondou-san, how many years have Yukimura live with us?”

“Yukimura-kun? Hmmm, she had joined us around this time if my memory serves me right.”

“It’s been 3 years.”

“Ah… It has been that long, hasn't it? But for me it looks like she’s always be with us. She has become a part of us.”

“…During that 3 years, we’ve become closed to her unconsciously. And there’s one thing that I know for sure what she will do if I confront her about this.”

“What will she do?”

“She will disappear from here.” A dread feeling immediately spread inside his body. “She always ask of what she can do in the compound.” He had observed her actions since she had come to the Shinshengumi. Sometimes he would ask Saitou or Yamazaki to watch on her. And their reports were similar to what he had known. “From what I’ve observed till now, I know that she doesn’t want to become a burden to us.”

Kondou nodded again for the nth time. “Yeah, I agree. She always tried to help and running an errand every time I see her these days. Either helping the captain or the other members or just doing some chores. So much energy in that petite body. And her tea, I always enjoy her tea very much.” 

Hijikata nodded inwardly, agreed with Kondou especially about the tea part. “Knowing her character, she will surely think that she has become a burden if I talked to her about this. To us. To _me_.” Suddenly he become quiet, then he gave out a big sighed before scratching his head. “Ugh! Why does this thing have to be so complicated like this? Damnit!”

If only he could _recognize_ his feeling…. No. If only he would _**acknowledge**_ his feeling for her the answer would be easy. 

“Toshi…” Kondou gave a sympathy gazed to Hijikata.

“I don’t want her to be away from my side Kondou-san. At least not for now.” Hijikata admitted in the end what he felt. “At least not until I can decide what I want to do with my feeling. I still need time ponder on this matter. And with the problem that Itou had caused, I didn’t have a time to think about this.” He referred to Itou’s action on asking some of the Shinshengumi members to join with him and moved away from Shinshengumi. He had decided of what they would do for this problem. _‘I need to call Saitou later.’_ He reminded himself.

“And Yukimura still hasn’t found Kodou-san yet. Now is not the right time to ponder on this thing.” Hijikata said in final tone. 

“But Toshi-”

“And about the suffocating atmosphere and stuffy tension that all of you have felt and suffered since a month ago, I apologize for that. I will…. find some way to solve this situation.” Even though he didn’t have a faintest idea what to do with the hellish situation, it would be better than confronting Chizuru and would cause something bad happen, like what he had been dreaded. He knew she was impulsive and brave enough to do that. She was a _girl_ and she had come to Kyoto _alone_ and had been dressing like a _**man**_ for Heaven’s sake! A girl as timid as her should know her limit to do a reckless thing. And she had done not just one. Who knows what’s happened with her back then. Although meeting with the Shinshengumi was not a fortunate thing to happen, it was better than not. He had met with her after all.

Kondou sighed, again, in defeat. If Hijikata had acted on his stubborn trait, no one could change his mind. He just hoped that after all this talk and confession, at least it could tone down the tension. 

“Okay. I will trust you on this matter.” He eyed the sick man again. “This sickness of yours…. Did it also happen because of what happened between you and Yukimura-kun?” He gulped and suddenly felt nervous. “Did something happen between you and her again?”

“Something did happen.” Kondou gasped. “BUT, not on what you think.”

“You almost give me a heart attack.” Kondou rubbed his chest.

“As I said, something did happen. But I don’t want to talk about it. It’s nothing.”

“It isn’t nothing if you got sick because of that Toshi.” Kondou reprimanded him. “I won’t ask of what had happened. Just, _**please**_ , be careful next time.”

“I will.” 

“Well… I guess it’s enough for now. You still need your rest. I won’t bother you anymore.” Kondou stood up from his seating position.

“Kondou-san.” Hijikata called, and Kondou turned his head to him. “Thank you.”

Kondou gave him another smile. A fatherly smile. “You know you can always count on me, Toshi. Don’t bottle up your feeling alone.”

“Yeah… I know.”

“Yamazaki-kun will bring your breakfast and medicine later. I think you don’t want to be near Yukimura-kun for the time being.”

“No. Just… let it be like the usual.” Kondou was right, but he also wasn’t. “Please, Kondou-san.”

Kondou shook his head. “Just get rest then, Toshi. I will see you later.”

Kondou exited Hijikata’s room, leaving the latter man to himself alone. He stayed silent, thinking about what had happened. He could feel there’s something that had been lifted a bit from their conversation. He placed his hand on his chest. He didn’t know what would happen between him and Chizuru yet. But at least, for now he could gather his thought and thought in calm and collected again. All thanks to one person.

“Thank you, Kondou-san.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers! What do you think about this chapter?
> 
> About Hijikata fiancee. This is not something I make. I read once about this matter when I searched about him in the internet. And the reason for him to break off the engagement is like the one I tell in the story. I don't know if this is true or not, but because it fit into the story I include it in the story. About Hijikata thought on the Shinshengumi regarding his own happiness, this is something that purely base on my opinion. But it's true he put Kondou-san up on the pedestal and had made Kondou's dream to be his own. It's also implied on the anime and game too.
> 
> So, are you feel frustrated or sorry for our oni fukuchou? I had planned that Hijikata will reveal what happened with him and Yukimura to Kondou. I hope I can convey the bond of Hijikata and Kondou to you all. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> See u next chapter!
> 
> Mikina


	9. -VIII-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers!
> 
> Here, I present you a new chapter of this story!
> 
> I won't say much, just read it first and I will give my comment later at the end of the chapter.
> 
> I just want to say _**THANK YOU VERY MUCH**_ to my beta reader **ImpracticalOni** , a kind soul that has helped me to edit this chapter and will help me from now! :)
> 
> I hope you can enjoy more ;)
> 
> Mikina
> 
> Disclaimer: Hakouki is not mine. It belongs to Otomate and Aksys Game.

Time had flown so fast. Without anybody realizing it, the season had changed. From winter, to spring, and now summer. Many things had happened. But there were also things that didn't change.

Long story short, half of the members of the Shinsengumi had joined with Itou and departed from the Shinsengumi. And not only the regular members had left; Saitou and Heisuke, the Captains of the Third and Eighth squad respectively, had also joined with Itou.

Harada and Nagakura didn't cope well with the situation. Kondou didn't say a lot about it, neither did Hijikata and Okita. But while there was a gloomy air around the former about things, the other two were rather aloof and cool.

About Hijikata… After that unfortunate incident (Hijikata's sickness) had passed, things inside the Shinsengumi were so hectic that his and Chizuru matter was… how could one put it? It just stayed like that. Nothing happened. It was not solved; it did not improve. As if the problem had never happened. About the tension? After Hijikata healed from his sickness, oddly enough the tension also lessened. If someone didn't start to talk about 'that', the tension was as normal and cool as it should be. At one time, before Saitou and Heisuke left, Kondou had gathered the captains to talk about the matter.

"I have talked to Toshi about _you-know-what._ " He paused to arrange the words he had to say regarding the sensitive subject. "Trust me. It is not an easy thing to deal with. And it's not for me to tell you what the problem is." Kondou had seen Okita open his mouth. He had cut his chance to ask whatever he wanted to. Okita shut his mouth, obeying the chief. "I can't promise all of you that the matter will be solved in the near time. But Toshi has promised me to do something about this suffocating atmosphere. That's all I can tell you. And _**please**_ , be patient."

Kondou had begged the others to be considerate. And they had tried to do what he had asked, even though most of them didn't feel happy about the wait-and-be-patient thing again. But, yeah, after that the tension and the suffocating atmosphere had dissipated to almost nothing. In fact, it had been replaced with another tension that had been brewing inside the Shinsengumi before _that_ tension happened.

As stated above, it wasn't solved. It didn't improve. It stayed just the same.

And so, the days had passed. Waiting for the hand of fate to strike another blow or whatever it had in store, which would happen that fateful night.

\---

While standing under the blazing sun, Chizuru was sweeping the compound's ground. Her mind was occupied with many things. What had happened with Shinsengumi for the past month had taken a half of it.

The Shinsengumi that she had known since she'd joined (unwillingly at first) and had come to get accustomed to and like…. wasn't the same Shinsengumi anymore. Some of them, like Saitou and Heisuke had left. She had tried to talk with them both and they had told her their reasons for why they had made their decision to leave. But still, the sorrow and sadness that she felt later was to be expected.

The other members such as Nagakura and Harada were not coping well with the parting, as stated above, especially Nagakura. The two of them, with Heisuke, were the so call _san-baka_. The trio was the one that welcomed her first when she came to the force. She always enjoyed the time that they spent together. While the other members, such as Hijikata and Okita, just acted cool with the situation. She could even say that they weren't only cool, but also… _cold_.

 _"We were allies yesterday, but if our positions change we could be enemies tomorrow. That's life."_ She quoted exactly from Hijikata's reply when she asked him about his thoughts on Heisuke and Saitou leaving the Shinsengumi. Okita was the same. She didn't understand what was on their mind. They were friends, comrades… _family_. Apparently, their bond wasn't as strong as she had thought. If worse came to worst, they could kill each other without hesitation. She hoped that the time for that to happen would not come, _ever_.

She stopped and wiped her sweat from her forehead. It also had drenched her clothes. The sun was so blazingly hot that day. She felt a little dizzy from standing too long in the hot weather. She walked and stopped under the shade of the temple's building, hiding from the blinding rays of the sun. She leaned on the wall, putting her head against it.

Speaking of Hijikata, another headache was threatening to surface into her head.

She knew that at one time Kondou had gathered the captains and spoken to them about Hijikata's matter. She didn't know what they had talked about, but she could deduce whatever it was had somehow related to the stuffy atmosphere.

No one should know that the cause of the weird tension inside the compound was because of her and Hijikata's situation. Even Hijikata did not _know_ that he had also taken a part of it. But somehow, she had a hunch that maybe he _knew_ and _realized_ about their situation. Because he would not react like he did about 'that' day. When she mentioned about his hair being loose from the cord, and his stiff reaction, that wasn't an act of someone that didn't know about the situation. She had pondered on this thing for a while.

_'Was he not asleep as I had thought on that day?'_

She had a suspicion that he indeed knew what had transpired on that day. And dread was upon her. If Hijikata knew and realized that it was her that he had _slept_ with, that they had slept _together_ …. She was planning how to run away from the Shinsengumi. But… After he had healed from his sickness, the tension between them that she always felt whenever they were in closed proximity, it had gone.

If she stayed in the same room with Hijikata, even when it was only the two them, nothing happened.

 _'He was drunk that time. There's no way that he could be sober and know what had happened, much less remembered and known that he had slept with me. You're just imagining things, Chizuru.'_ In the end, that's what she concluded. Still, there was this nagging feeling that stuck with her and told her that there was something else. But she decided to push aside that feeling for the time being.

As time went by, sometimes, she would wonder if the event that had happened between them was a dream or not. But from the murmurs of the members that she had picked up here and there, and from the talk between her and Inoue, and _of course_ from her body itself, she had found the proof that she needed, that _**indeed**_ , what had transpired between her and Hijikata was not a dream.

She heaved a sigh. Then she looked to her arm.

_'If not because of that night… It's because of my demon blood. They would not become like this… They would still be together.'_

The incident that occurred before Itou and half of the Shinsengumi had left from the force she would always blame on herself. The supposed 'dead' Sannan-san was found out by Itou that night. Why the escaped Rasetsu would come to her room was still unknown. But she had a hunch that maybe it had come to her room because the Rasetsu had smelt her demon blood... Or maybe she had just had an unfortunate moment. But if not for the ruckus, Itou would not have found out about Sannan condition and the separation would not have happened. She didn't voice her thoughts on this, but somehow there was someone that saw through her and said these words to her:

 _"They leave because they have to leave…. Think about the future. If they're leaving, they have some problem with the Shinsengumi. Better they leave now, than before that problem gets worse."_ Again, she quoted the exact words Hijikata had said to her. His logic made sense on the other hand. Perhaps it was for the best it had happened. But the next words were not something she had expected: _"So stop blaming yourself that it's your fault that they're leaving. No one knew that the escaped Rasetsu would come to your room and what happened next. It's a coincidence. It's a good thing that nobody was harmed."_ She remembered he paused and patted her head before saying the next unexpected words. _"Your demon blood sure comes in handy at a time like this. At least you won't get any scar from the blade wound."_ She looked up to meet his gaze. And there was a little spark from their brief gaze, she swore.

That was the closest affection they'd had in the past months after the Shinsengumi had left. He had left her rooted to the spot. Good thing there was no one around; she could feel that her desire to be touched again by him flaring from her body. She hugged her body and sank down to the ground. She squeezed her eyes shut, waited for her raging heartbeat to calm down. It was just a small gesture, but it was enough to make her want him more. She had fallen again, deeper and deeper. Just how could he know that she had been blaming herself this entire time? Had she unconsciously shown it through her body gestures or had she said something without knowing that had told the other what she had thought? She had tried to be discreet in this matter, but once again, her effort was not enough.

…Or was it only Hijikata that realized about this? If Kondou or Inoue had caught what was on her mind, surely they would talk to her about this, would they…. _not_? Just how much she had fallen to the oni-fukuchou that she was hoping that Hijikata would ever think about her that way? She stopped her thoughts about the vice commander because if not she would think about him all day and she could not promise that her chores would be finished on schedule…. As if she could prevent that from _happening_.

From where she stood, she could see the activity around the compound. Then some movement caught her eyes. It was Hijikata and Kondou on their way to some place in the compound. She had gained some control of her heart around his presence. At least it did not threaten to jump out from her chest anymore. But the longing feeling still lingered inside her body, whenever she thought about him. The two men went inside one room and closed the door. She stared at the said room for a while. Then she straightened her leaning form. The lunch time had come and she had to prepare the dishes for the captains. Time to do her routine chores.

She would ponder on her thought again later when the night came.

But she didn't know that she would not have time to do that later, on the same night.

\---

For an unknown reason, she couldn't sleep that night. She had told herself to sleep but the sleepiness did not come. In the end, she sat on her futon and did what she'd always done for quite some time. To ponder what was inside her mind. Maybe because there were many things swirling in her mind, she couldn't get the sleep that she wanted. But that day, there was also this restless feeling. It was not that she hadn't thought about this every day… But this time there was a foreboding feeling. Something might happen. Something bad might happen…

Suddenly she heard the door of her room was being slide open. And the person that had occupied most of her mind stepped to the room.

"Hijikata-san?" She was surprised. He never visited to her room if there was nothing of importance. "Did something happen?"

He looked to her, clad only in her sleepwear. Then he moved his head and looked straight into her eyes. "Are you preparing to sleep?"

"Y-yes. I mean, no." She stuttered a bit, still surprised by with his visit. "I tried to sleep but the sleep won't come… What is it?"

"You have a visitor."

 _A visitor?_ "Who?"

"You'll see. Get up and," he gestured to her body, "change your clothes. Come to the common room. Be quick."

"R-Right!"

Hijikata left her room without waiting for her. Once he had gone, Chizuru changed her clothes fast and shuffled down the hallway. When she stepped into the common room, her eyes locked on to a figure that she hadn't seen for a long time.

"Hello Chizuru-chan!"

"Osen-chan?!"

All the remaining captains were inside the room. Also, there was someone else seated next to her friend that she didn't recognize. A beautiful woman dressed in a ninja's outfit, like what Yamazaki would wear but it the female version. All eyes were on these visitors, wondering what news they had brought with them.

Sen-hime, or as Chizuru liked to call her Osen-chan, was a demon princess. Her ancestor was Suzuka Gozen, a famous figure that was known because she had run away to be with a human rather than stay with her oni companion. Osen-chan wasn't a pure blood oni, but her title should be more than enough to show that she held an important position in the oni clan. This wasn't the first time that the princess had graced the Shinsengumi with her presence. Long before, about 6 months ago, she had come to the Shinsengumi and had dropped the bomb on the Shinsengumi, especially on Chizuru.

 _"You're an oni. Same as me. And a pure blood one. Your surname, Yukimura, is the proof that you're indeed an oni. Yukimura was the biggest oni clan in the east. But they were murdered and killed by the humans that had known about them. We thought that there were no survivors of the Yukimura clan because of the incident. But here you are! Alive and pretty, even though you have to wear hakama and dress like a man."_ That was what Sen-hime had said to the members of Shinsengumi when she had visited them for the first time. More or less. The second time was when the Shinsengumi had wanted to sneak inside Shimabara to catch some rebels, they had asked for her help to dress Chizuru as a geiko and she went under-covered that way. No one (the ones that had seen) would ever forget how pretty and beautiful Chizuru had been as a geiko.

Chizuru sat beside between Kondou and Hijikata. She directed her gaze to Sen and her companion.

Chizuru hadn't seen Sen since the day she asked permission to go to Shimabara months ago. Which was also the same night that the 'incident' had happened. Dismissing the thought, she focused her attention back to the visitors.

"How are you Chizuru-chan?"

"I'm fine. Thank you." She glanced to the ninja woman and Sen knew what she wanted to ask.

"Oh yeah. I forget to mention my companion. She's… she's my bodyguard, one might say." No other explanation. Since she had entered the room, the captains had not uttered any word. The short explanation prompted more questions; even then they were still in silent mode. But their gazes and stares were speaking another language. A stranger had come to the Shinsengumi; even if she had come with someone they knew. But the short explanation had made it their business to ponder of who this stranger might be. Frankly speaking they were on high alert. She gulped, hoping that the meeting would not turn into a fight.

"So, um, Osen-chan… Why did you come?"

"I came for you. I come to take you with me, Chizuru-chan." she said it short and straight forward. In the middle of the night she had dropped another unexpected bomb on the force, again. The captains certainly did not see it coming. Their widening eyes and hanging mouths (Nagakura and Kondou) were the proof.

"…Pardon?" She was speechless. That's the only word that she could utter on her distraught state of mind.

"And it's about time I take you with me. You're an oni Chizuru and your place is not among the humans."

"So you're saying that she must leave and join with you, the oni clan, because she is an oni and that's why she must not live with us the filthy humans?" Nagakura spat the words, irate with Sen.

"That's not what she has been saying." Sen's companion defended her mistress.

"But it is what you have implied! That is what I have heard from the words you have been saying to us!" Nagakura said angrily. He was on his feet because of the anger that he had felt and the ninja woman was also on her feet, readied to attack.

"Kimigiku." Sen called her companion's name and the ninja woman sat back in her seat. Hijikata scoffed when he heard the ninja's name.

"I had wondered why you were being so friendly with us back then. While in fact you were gathering information on the Shinsengumi."

The ninja gave a slight and innocent smile, "I have no idea on what you mean."

"You know her, Hijikata-san?!" Nagakura exclaimed, darting his stare to the vice commander. "Where did you meet her?!"

Harada that sat beside Nagakura nudged him with his elbow, "Move your eyes up about six inches, Shinpachi. You have heard her name. Doesn't it ring any bells inside your brain? It's the geiko in Shimabara that we've met. Well yeah, she's dressed a little different from when we met her at Shimabara, but that's her face all right. Minus the powder and any other face painting."

" _ **What?**_ " Nagakura nearly fell over in shock. He stared at the ninja and received the same smile that the woman had given to Hijikata. Then his legs had given way and he fell with a thud sound. Harada could hear him mutter something, ( _"Women…"_ ) beside him.

"I'm sorry if what I said offended you. What I tried to say is, it's not safe for Chizuru to be around the humans anymore. She would be better with us, the oni clan as you've stated, for the upcoming event. And I would like for that event to not ever happen." Sen tried to give explanation on what her intention was.

"What do you mean? What upcoming event do you want to prevent?" Kondou asked the princess.

"The conditions for Chizuru-chan to stay with you all are not favorable for her anymore. She has to leave with us immediately." said Sen seriously.

"There's no time for this talk. We must make preparation to leave as soon as possible." Kimigiku said in an urgent tone.

"You do trust me, don't you Chizuru-chan?" Sen turned her head to the silent Chizuru.

"I… Why should I go with you?" Chizuru said in her still distraught mind. She didn't understand the situation anymore. She felt confused and for some reason a cold feeling had been crawled inside her body little by little. She glanced to Hijikata. Just the thought of leaving the Shunsengumi, leaving _**him**_ …. She knew from where the cold feeling had come from. Indeed, she had had a thought of leaving Shinsengumi if Hijikata knew what had happened between them. But to leave from Shinsengumi for _real_ …

"That's a damn good question! Don't think you can just barge in here, ask to see her and spring this is on us!" Nagakura that had come back from his shocked state shouted in annoyance.

"Before you tell us in detail and give us a proper explanation, I guess we will never release Chizuru-chan to go from the Shinsengumi. Do you think that this place is somewhere that you can come and go that easy?" said Okita, gave Sen and Kimigiku his merciless and cold stare, reserved only for the enemy of the Shinsengumi.

"Osen-chan… Please." Chizuru pleaded for Sen to enlighten her of why she had to leave… him.

Sen exchanged glance with Kimigiku, before she returned to her former position and gave a wry smile, "Well, I so suppose you do have a point. Very well. I will explain it to you in detail and properly." Sen looked to Okita when saying the last three words. The First Captain looked back with the same gesture.

"You know Kazama Chikage? I hear you have crossed swords with him once or twice."

Hijikata furrowed his brows, "He had called his and his two companions as oni. I guessed that he and the other two are the same as you and Yukimura here. Oni."

"I would prefer not to be associated with his ilk, but yeah, in a sense you are correct. We are oni." Sen said in distasteful tones.

"He showed up at Ikedaya, Hamaguri and Nijo. He's got something to do with Satsuma and Chosu, doesn't he?" asked Harada.

"Well, most of the time it seemed more like he was there for his own reasons, not any kind of domain politics." added Okita.

"Either way, he's an enemy of the Shinsengumi." Hijikata's brows deepened when he realized something. "Is the upcoming event that you mentioned before related to him?"

"Are you aware that Kazama is also pursuing your lady friend here?" Sen gestured Chizuru with her hand.

"We are aware of that." said Kondou.

"They have demonstrated several times that they have strength and skill beyond any human. And if what you have stated before is true, that they are an oni, now we know where they get their power from." added Sannan. Sannan never fought against them, but from what he had heard, Kazama and his companions were a force to be reckoned with.

"Chizuru-chan is a pure blood oni. These days, there are few demons who can claim a pure bloodline. Kazama… is a pure blood oni too. His family is the biggest clan on the western side, and they have the support of the Satsuma Domain. He is the head of the family of the Kazama clan, Kazama Chikage."

"Don't tell me that because Yukimura-kun is the descendant of a pureblood oni and Kazama is also one of them…" Kondou trailed off his thought.

"His reason for chasing after Chizuru-chan is clear. Should two purebloods mate, they will produce an even more powerful demon."

"He wants her to be his bride."

The brows of Hijikata got even deeper if it was possible. He was scowling also.

"In a fashion, yes. You could say that. That's why Kazama will definitely return for her." Sen assessed the captain's reaction and one person caught her attention. "You have met and engaged a sword with him. But I will tell you this. He has been toying with you and was contented with it thus far. I guess it will not last much longer though.

"Should he devote all his formidable abilities to this task, I do not think you will be able to protect her. As a fellow oni I must admit that his power is really…. strong. The true power of a demon is not something you humans can stand against."

"Don't you think what you have said is going a bit far?" Harada gave Sen his glare, unhappy with the princess words. "You aren't giving us enough credit."

"It's up to you if you want to believe my word or not. But I never lied in anything that I have told you so far. You're alive because Kazama never used his full power toward you. This is not a suggestion, but a warning." Sen's stance never wavered against all the hostile glares the captains had thrown to her.

"Let him come then. I, for one, want to see the true power of a demon and have a taste of it myself." said Sannan confidently.

Chizuru whipped her head to the colonel with horror and dread, "Sannan-san!" The Rasetsu just gave a smile to her.

"For the warning, I guess we should say thank you for that. But let me be clear, lady." Hijikata gave the princess his cold and sharp stare, "We're the Shinsengumi. The Wolves of Mibu. We're not going to piss ourselves over a demon or two."

"That's right. Besides, we've got an oni himself in command, don't we, Hijikata-san?" Okita glanced at the oni-fukuchou with a teasing smile.

"You do always have to make the last word, don't you Souji?" Hijikata said annoyed.

Even though Sen didn't show it, she was so frustrated with all the men she had met during these last several months. _'The Shinsengumi and that Kazama…. Why are all these men so bull headed and stubborn! Their pride… I really have had enough of all of that testosterone hormone! Can't they see that the important thing right now is Chizuru-chan?!'_

Sen heaved a sigh. "I understand how you feel but… You must realize that these men are unlike any other foe you have faced before. That's why," she darted her stare to Chizuru, "I must ask you to leave Chizuru to us. In our care her chances of survival and not being taken by Kazama will be much higher."

Then Nagakura, Harada and Okita said what was inside their mind to Sen for her last comment. They said their protest and told Sen to back off from the Shinsengumi business, frankly. They had made it quite clear that they weren't interested in Sen's offer. It seemed harsh, but Chizuru couldn't deny the warm feeling from their action.

"What about you, Hijikata?" Sen asked the person that had caught her attention when she assessed the captains' reaction. "From what I have heard, you have engaged in a sword fight with Kazama the most. Surely you must at least consider the offer. It's Chizuru safety that has been stake in here. So please, give Chizuru to us."

"This and that _**are**_ different." Hijikata replied, stressing the last word. "I do acknowledge that the enemy strength is different from the others we've been fighting. **But** ," here he spoke with a force and anyone that had known him would know that he meant every word with all that he had, "that doesn't change the fact that we'll protect her. In the name of Shinsengumi."

_'I would protect her with everything that I have.'_

His tone was final and left no room for argument. If this princess or that ninja dared to raise another argument, that only meant one thing. And he would welcome any fight that would come.

"I see. There is no way I can convince you then I suppose?" It was not a question to be answered.

Kondou that had remained silent for most of the discussion at last spoke, "… Yukimura-kun. What do you have to say about this?"

"Me? Well… Um…" The sudden turn of events was too fast for her. She couldn't decide what she should do. If she thought with her logical mind, leaving the Shinsengumi was the right thing to do. She didn't want any of the Shinsengumi members be harmed because of her. That was what her mind told her, but it was opposite of what her feelings wanted her to do. It was…. _nearly_ impossible to leave the Shinsengumi, to leave _him_. She was confused.

"I see. It must be difficult to discuss with an audience. You ought to speak with Sen-hime alone."

"Kondou-san! That's-" Hijikata didn't expected Kondou would say that. He was surprised and his eyes widened to saucers. The other also raised a protest. Kondou cut off whatever protest the others wanted to say. "The person that has to leave is Yukimura-kun. She must decide on her own if she wants to stay or not. She has shown herself to be reasonable. I've no doubt she won't do anything foolish."

"Thank you Kondou-san." Chizuru gave her warmest smile to the chief, touched with his faith in her. The others might not like it, but in the end, they agreed. Kondou was the chief. What he said, went.

"If all of you worry that I will steal her away the moment we are both alone, you don't have to worry. I am indeed an oni. But I'm not like Kazama. I also have my pride and dignity of my own." Sen tried to reassure them, with her cheerful smile, which didn't convince the captains at all.

"I'll be fine. Osen-chan isn't a bad person." Chizuru also gave them reassurance. "Can I use my room to talk to her?" She asked Kondou for permission.

Kondou nodded his head. "Yes. You can talk in your room. We'll wait in here."

Sen and Chizuru excused themselves. Kimigiku followed behind Sen silently. Chizuru gave a last glance inside the common room and she met Hijikata's eyes briefly. She would decide what she would do after she talked to Sen. Whether she should leave or stay, to follow her rational mind or her longing feelings…

"Please excuse us, then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? If you've played the game, you'll know that the conversation that happened inside the common room, I take it from the game. Not words by words, but most of the conversation I have taken it from the game. But I have put my thought also into the story. And as you know that in my story timeline, Chizuru and the Shinsengumi had already known that she's an oni. I have made some adjustment so the story will flow in the righ tway.
> 
> Next chapter will be about Chizuru and Sen conversation. And maybe the arrival of the awaiting oni-taichou-san?
> 
> Thank you for reading and see u on the next chapter ^_^


	10. -IX-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya readers!
> 
> It's been two months since the last update. My workload was piling up for the the last two months and when I got home I was just so tired. That's why the reason for the lateness. Hope you can understand :)
> 
> Did you notice that I don't use the word make-up when I described Kimigiku's appearance? I don't want to use a word that I thought wasn't used to in that time. So I used the word face painting instead of make-up.
> 
> In this chapter there will be an explanation of Chizuru's situation. Even if we know that Chizuru is in love with Hijikata, but I don't think that the need to be near and the weird tension in the Shinsengumi is something just from their unsolved situation. For me it's a little bit weird if there is no some solid explanation behind that.
> 
> If you have a question or anything that you want to talk to me about this story, just leave it in your review. But if it's about how bad or crap my story is, just leave it. I accept **criticism** , but not **flame**. Thank you very much.
> 
> I won't give any spoiler, Just read and enjoy. And please leave your thought in the review of what you think for this chapter :D
> 
> And of course, thank you for my beta reader **ImpracticalOni** -san that have also helped me of proofreading this chapter!
> 
> Mikina
> 
> Disclaimer: There are some words, the captains words that I take from the game, the Android version. Hakuoki is not mine, It belongs to Aksys and Otomate. Thank you

_"Phew~!"_

That was the first word Sen spoke after she sat inside Chizuru's room. The owner of the room sat next to the princess. And her bodyguard was waiting outside the room.

"The tension inside that room is suffocating. I can hardly breathe inside." Sen inhaled a deep breath and exhaled it out in relief. "Their reaction was not the one I expected. I thought that they would agree to the offer. They kind of give off an aura that they don't want to get involved with an oni matter. I guess, your bond with the Shinsengumi is not something I put into the equation."

Sen was less formal now that they were not in the same room with the captains. Chizuru smiled when she remembered the captains' reaction. "Yeah. I guess you are right. And, um… I'm sorry. You know, they said some pretty mean things to you earlier."

"It's okay. Like I said, I didn't know that your bonds with the Shinsengumi were pretty deep. Don't sweat it." Sen gave an easy smile to Chizuru. "So… Enough about them. We are here to talk about you. How about you Chizuru-chan? Have you given any thought to my offer? Do you want to leave with me or not?"

Chizuru indeed had a thought about the offer. The problem was she didn't know what she should do regarding the matter. If the princess had come to ask her when she had first arrived in Kyoto, she would have gladly taken the offer and gone with her, leaving the Shinsengumi. If only she had met the princess much earlier before the things in the past months had happened… No, if only Sen had met her before she bonded with the Shinsengumi members, before she _fell_ for the oni fukuchou…

Chizuru went into silent mode and Sen looked at her face with concern. "Chizuru-chan?"

Chizuru snapped from her thoughts when she heard Sen call her name, "U-um… Osen-chan. About your offer…. Honestly, I don't know." She cast her eyes to the ground and muttered her confusion softly.

Sen took one of Chizuru's hands and gave a light squeeze to her confused friend. "Chizuru-chan, the Shinsengumi seems to believe that they can protect you from Kazama. I acknowledge their dedication, but like I have said before, I doubt their ability against an oni strength. I'm not sugarcoating it, but the oni power is not something humans should underestimate. The reason why the Yukimura clan was murdered was because the humans that knew about them were afraid of them. We can overpower them easily. And knowing of Kazama's character, they can get killed when they are defending you from him. I know you will feel devastated if that happens."

Chizuru lifted her eyes and looked at Sen. What Sen had said was true, she had acknowledged it. The right thing that she had to do was leave the Shinsengumi. From several encounters with Kazama, she knew that Kazama was indeed extraordinary. And after the confirmation that he was oni, she wasn't surprised. Maybe because she and Kazama were both oni, she could feel his big power and strength emanating from him. Even before she knew that they were oni. If Kazama became serious and attacked the Shinsengumi… she didn't want to imagine it.

She _knew_ it, she _**realized**_ it. Still…

"Chizuru-chan!" Sen called her name and shook her a little, pulled her from her deep thought. "Why are you looking so, I don't know, like you want to cry. You're so drawn into your thoughts that you didn't realize I have called your name a few times…. Why are you finding it so hard to decide?" Sen looked at Chizuru with a meaningful gaze. "Is there something that you want to tell me?" Sen said in a solemn tone.

"I-I…" Chizuru tried to speak, but in the end, she just stayed silent. She averted her gaze from Sen and pulled her hands back to her lap. Sen didn't question why Chizuru pulled back her hands from her. She didn't want to force Chizuru to speak. She could feel that there was something that made Chizuru so reluctant form leaving the Shinsengumi. And whatever it was, it was not an easy matter to talk about. She waited in patience.

Chizuru was struggling with her thoughts, whether she should tell Sen about her and Hijikata's situation or not. It was obvious that the thing that made her so reluctant to leave the Shinsengumi was the infamous oni fukuchou. Their situation wasn't solved yet. And to leave from the compound with their situation like this, it would leave a bitter taste in her mouth. Not to mention that for some reason she just couldn't, didn't want to be far from the vice commander. She bit her bottom lip.

 _'Osen-chan has given me an offer to protect me from Kazama. I know… I can feel that her offer is an honest one. She really cares about me. Of course, she will be confused about why I am so reluctant to leave the Shinsengumi.'_ She turned her head to look again at the demon princess. Her eyes were serious, but as stated above, she could feel that Sen was really concerned and worried about her being. Her eyes, while they were serious, were also honest and warm. _'I guess I should tell her about it. And honestly, I need to talk to someone about this matter.'_ Without Chizuru realizing it yet, her situation with Hijikata had nearly made her suffocated. She didn't have anyone to talk to about her situation. She had pushed the matter deep inside her and unconsciously it had eaten her from inside more than she had realized. It had bottled up inside her. A ticking time bomb that was near its time to explode.

She would tell Sen about her situation and hoped that Sen could help her about the matter. But when she opened her mouth and was ready to tell her story, suddenly the door of her room was opened and Kimigiku poked her head inside the room.

"Pardon for my intrusion, but the two of you have been silent for quite some time. May I ask if everything is okay?" The kunoichi, a term for a ninja woman, had been listening to their conversation from the outside. She stood a few meters from the door, not exactly in front of the door. She wanted to give privacy to the two girls.

"There's nothing for you to worry about." Sen answered her bodyguard without turning her head to the woman. While Sen seemed calm, Chizuru was surprised with the sudden intrusion. She forgot that Kimigiku was also stood outside her room. She just intended for Sen to be the one that would hear what she wanted to talk about. She thanked whoever had given the opportunity for the sudden interruption.

"In fact, Kimigiku please go to the common room and stay with the other men of the Shinsengumi. We will go to that room if we finish our talk later."

"Hime-sama-"

Sen turned her head and looked at Kimigiku with authority in her eyes. "I need to talk to Chizuru about something and I really need the privacy. Please leave and wait for us there."

The kunoichi knelt to her mistress and closed the door before disappearing without another word.

"Now Kimigiku has gone. You can continue whatever you wanted to tell me before she came Chizuru-chan!" Sen encouraged Chizuru to continue from where she left before.

"But, isn't there something that you want to tell me Osen-chan? You told Kimigiku-san that you wanted to tell me something?"

"That was just an excuse for her to leave both of us alone. I saw your expression when she entered the room before. And I would bet that whatever that you wanted to tell me earlier was not something that you want another to hear and know. It's not me that has something to tell about. Chizuru-chan, you can trust me on this one. I will never tell anyone of your secret." Sen gave Chizuru a reassuring smile. Chizuru that never had any girl-friend that she could share with and talk to, felt **touched** by Sen's intention. She nodded to her friend.

"There's some reason that makes me not want to leave the Shinsengumi," she started slowly. "And it started about half a year ago. The matter has not been resolved since then. Many things have happened in the Shinsengumi that make the matter remain unsolved."

"Is it something so big and complicated that it already takes about 6 months and it hasn't been solved?" Sen was curious about whatever problem Chizuru had.

"Well…. rather than something, it is more of like…. _Someone_." Chizuru whispered the last part.

"So the problem is this someone…. AH!" Sen exclaimed suddenly. She looked at Chizuru with narrowed eyes and for some reason had a mischievous glint in it. "Correct me if I'm wrong. That someone that makes you not want to leave this place is someone that you like, isn't it?"

Chizuru blinked her eyes, flabbergasted with Sen's sudden change of mood. Once the princess' question had gotten into her mind her cheeks started turning red. And she gave a small nod to answer her friend's question.

"Really?!" Sen said excited. "Who?! OH! Would that be one of the men in the common room?" She teased her tomato-face friend.

"...Yes."

Once again Sen grabbed Chizuru's hands and gave a little squeeze to them. Chizuru looked straight at Sen while the latter gave a warm smile to the former. "So, you don't want to leave this place because you can't leave behind this man." Chizuru nodded again. "But Chizuru-chan, if you stay and Kazama comes, you would also risk this man's life. Losing someone that you loved is not a thing that I want you to regret later." Sen emphasized the situation that they were in with her serious tone. "It is not that you two can't meet later in the future. I will arrange it so that you and he can meet frequently without the two of you having to risk your lives by meeting and countering Kazama. Believe me, he's not someone that you want to get mess with."

Her mind was processing Sen's words.

"Osen-chan...," said Chizuru. Sen gave another squeeze. "If the only problem is like what you've said, that we couldn't meet each other, I wouldn't be so reluctant to leave this place. The thing between me and him is much more complex and complicated than what you've said."

The princess silently listened to Chizuru. It was Chizuru's time to speak and she's afraid if she cuts into her story, it would take some other time for her to be brave enough to tell her story.

"Something happened between me and him about 6 months ago. Something that only myself is aware of."

Sen tilted her head, confused with Chizuru's words. "Eh?"

Chizuru gulped and clenched her hands, bracing herself for the upcoming revelations. "Osen-chan…. I have slept with him."

"…" _Blink._ "Sorry?"

"I'm no longer… virgin."

"….." _Blink. Blink._ "What?"

"And the worst part is he was drunk when we slept together and he didn't realize that he had slept with me. He also doesn't remember or have any recollection about this."

"….." _Blink. Blink. Blink._ " **W-WHAT?!** " Sen pulled her hands from atop Chizuru's hand and placed them on her cheeks, while exclaiming her horrified shock. Sen felt her body go limp. She felt that her energy had gone somewhere far away. The revelation of Chizuru's confession was too shocking for her. She didn't prepare for anything this… this _**shocking**_! It looked like her outburst wasn't so loud that it would alert the occupants in the common room to burst into the room. She felt relief for that. But still!

Women in the Bakumatsu era, the era that the Shinsengumi existed, didn't have any significant value other than to bear the man a child and to be a good wife. Any woman that was found that to have lost her virginity outside marriage would be looked down on by others. Not to mention that she would be a shame to her family. If men that didn't have a wife were looking for some pleasure without attachment, there was a red light district for that purpose. That's why virginity was so valuable for a woman in that era. Losing virginity was like losing your value as a woman already.

Chizuru was a girl that had been raised with such knowledge since she was little. She wasn't afraid of what her family would think about her. The only family that she had was gone missing. The matter would be addressed properly after she had found her father. And no one knew about her condition except herself. But to let another person be aware of her condition would be another matter. She still felt ashamed of what she had done. To share her condition with another would be embarrassment on another different level. That's why she was so horrified when she knew that Kimigiku almost heard about her condition.

Sen widened her eyes and they nearly fell from their sockets. She was speechless. Never in her wildest dreams would she dare to imagine that Chizuru would be in this big trouble. She didn't give any vibe of being such a character that would be daring enough to do that _thing_. Her head was spinning. She took a deep breath and heaved it loudly before setting her eyes again on the other occupant. "May I know, who is it?"

That was the question that Chizuru had expected to be ask since she told her story. But still to speak out loud the name of the man, it made her insides churn and honestly she didn't want to tell it.

"It's…. It was…." She darted her eyes to anywhere but Sen. _'You have told it so far Chizuru. It would be weird if you don't put a name to the man that you just informed your friend you had slept with. And after you told her that only you that were aware of the situation.'_ She opened her mouth but was frozen by the next words Sen spoke, which cut all the words from her.

"It's Hijikata isn't it?" Looking at her still friend confirmed her suspicions. She had pondered why Hijikata's reaction was kind of… _odd_ before, when she was assessing the captains' reactions. Looks like she didn't read into his reaction too much like she had thought earlier. Because indeed there _was_ something between Hijikata and Chizuru. She just didn't realize that this something would be this… **big**.

Plus, Chizuru nodded her head a little to confirm Sen's conclusion. Her bangs were covering her eyes.

"Osen-chan…. I'm sorry."

"Chizuru-chan…."

"I know that what I've done is not something that I should do. Even right until now I feel so ashamed of myself. That one spur of a moment, blinded by my desire, I've crossed a line that I should not cross. But one thing that you must know," she lifted her head to look straight at Sen with a firm gaze, "I did not _**regret**_ it. And if you ask me how I feel about it right now, my answer would be same: I don't regret what I've done." Her voice didn't waver. She hoped that her friend could be convinced of what she had felt.

Sen looked back at Chizuru with a knowing expression. "You love him, don't you?"

Such a short question. A question that was not a question, rather than more like a statement that needed to be confirmed. A question that for the first time someone other than herself had asked her to answer. A question that when she had realized it for the first time, she had felt dread and denied the answer with all her might. Because there was no way she could fall to a person that would kill someone without a second thought, someone that showed nothing but cold and stiff expression, someone that would not hesitate to kill her if just in a slightest he thought that she threatened the existence of the Shinsengumi…. Someone that didn't care or like or love her at all!

But also, a question that for the first time made her look beyond the man that he showed and what other people believed him to be. Beyond that cold and stiff exterior. Beyond that oni demeanor. Beyond the vice commander of the Shinsengumi…. In which she found the very man that she had fallen in love with. Behind the persona that he always exuded for the exterior, the other side of him, his inside persona had made her heart flutter like no other man had. A question that she could answer in only one way to the demon princess.

"Yes."

Sen knew that look. Even if she hadn't had the luxury to feel that way toward a man, she had seen it on some other people. A look of someone in love. Chizuru gave that look without any hesitation. And for that she felt sorry for her friend. Looks liked Chizuru had no _idea_ at all, of what kind of _trouble_ she had gotten herself into.

"When did this thing happen?"

Chizuru thought back to that night. For some reason, her body was getting a little bit hot. "It was at the same night when we met in Shimabara."

"Oh my…" Sen was lost for words.

"There was a man that pushed me to a room beside our room after I parted from you. And in that room, I found him drunk alone. Things happened and it escalated to something that led us to have a sexual intercourse." Her blushing face got redder. "Osen-chan…. I did that on my own decision. Even though I feel ashamed of what I've done, I would never forget that night. He made me…. _a woman_. It was as if he knew what he was doing and with whom he did that. My body never reacted like that night before. Only him that could make me feel that way. And because of that, I could accept my feeling that I love him.…

"I could feel it, that night was not just a night to satiate a need. We… We made _love_. I know that sounds absurd, with him not aware of the situation and who he had slept with. But…. When he gazed at me, in his drunken stupor, I could see that it wasn't only lust that reflected in his eyes. Even though I couldn't describe what I had seen, I could feel it. His caresses, his kisses…." Chizuru hugged herself to prevent herself from moaning at the memory of that night. "Osen-chan… I was _loved_ that night. And I gave my love back to him with the same intention that I felt he gave to me." Tears had sprung to her eyes, overwhelmed by the feeling that slowly was too much for her to suppress. She looked hopelessly at Sen. "I...I…."

Sen hugged Chizuru. "I'm sorry. But I guess you could use a hug right now. Calm down Chizuru. Just pour out your feelings slowly. You must have bottled up this feeling without someone to talk to. I won't go anywhere until we finish this."

Chizuru placed her forehead on Sen's shoulder. "There's this feeling." Chizuru spoke again, slowly. She clutched her hakamashita in front of her chest. "I don't know why, but since that night I always want to be near him. The need to be near him and to be with him was almost too much to bear. A desire to be quenched. For the first month after that night, there was this weird and high tension in the compound that had made kind of a suffocating atmosphere. I knew that some of the captains felt that tension. And it didn't go away until sometime later." Chizuru lifted her head from the princess' shoulder. "And I knew that tension must be from the unquenched desire from my body. Each second it called for it to be satiated. I could suppress it for the most time. And maybe the tension had gone because somehow I could control my feelings.

"I barely can make it in this state. I don't know how I would cope if I have to separate from him. I know how dire the situation is and how it's imperative for me to leave. It's not I don't want to. But _**I can't**_." A lone tear escaped from her eyes. It had been a long time since she could pour out her heart, to share her feelings with someone else. Sen had offered to listen to her, and she used it to her heart's content. After all she really needed this talk.

Sen hugged Chizuru again and rubbed her back. Chizuru was confused about why she was feeling what she felt right now. Her friend was clueless of what situation she was in at the moment. _Well_ , she was a kid when she got separated from her family. Her supposed father didn't give her what she needed to know regarding this situation. And if he was kind of hiding her heritage of being an oni, it was to be expected she guessed. Because no human had this kind of thing like what the oni had. She was the one that had to explain it to her friend. She heaved a sigh and pushed Chizuru to arm's length.

"Chizuru-chan. I have something to tell that would explain your situation and why you felt the feeling that you felt toward Hijikata." Sen spoke solemnly. "It's kind of a long explanation, so I need your focus in here. But first you need to calm yourself."

Chizuru nodded. She was regaining her composure. She breathed in and out, and after a few moments her breath was calm. "I'm all ears."

"Have you heard anything about _Oni no Kizuna_ (Demon's Bond)?"

Chizuru dug in her memory and shook her head in the end.

"Oh, sorry, I forget that you don't remember any memory of you being a demon. Because Chizuru the cause that have make you feel that strong to be inclined toward Hijikata is this bond that you have unconsciously formed with Hijikata."

"I don't understand. What bond?" She looked confused and did not understand one bit of Sen's words.

"Chizuru-chan, you have created this bond when you slept with Hijikata." said Sen bluntly.

Chizuru blinked her eyes rapidly, still didn't understand what Sen told her meant. "Osen-chan, what kind of bond?"

"The bond that you have created is a bond that tied your soul. In this case, yours and Hijikata's. As an oni finding our partner is like a matter of life and death, because once you have bonded with your partner you can never annul or break this bond. And we perform that bond by having sexual intercourse; in other words you bond if you have sex with or, if you are fortunate enough, make love with your partner. We, the oni, can only bond once in our life. Even though our partner is dead, we can't make another bond because our soul has merged and will be together with our partner's _forever_.

"The weird atmosphere you told me before that lingered around this place previously was most likely because of the bond. Maybe it happened because the bond is incomplete, that it unconsciously made you and Hijikata called toward each other. You must feel like there's some strong urge to always be near him."

Chizuru remembered _the urge_ that Sen had mentioned. She absentmindedly nodded. Of course, she remembered what Sen referred to as the urge. How many times she almost lost to that urge and just went to Hijikata and threw herself toward him? The first time she felt that urge, she almost did what her body told her to. But being her clumsy self, she tripped herself and instead of Hijikata, she met with the hard, cold floor and got a nasty bump on her head. Fortunately, no one noticed her action. But she swore she had felt Hijikata gaze toward her before she plunged to the darkness, unconscious from the bump she got. Inoue told her later that Hijikata was the one that brought her to her room and until he arrived, Hijikata was the one that tended her injury. That was just one of the many urges that she had felt during the past months. It wasn't that she had been getting used to it, because the urge was as strong now as the first time she had felt it. She had learnt to control it, even though it would slip from time to time if she didn't focus enough.

"That urge won't go away unless you complete the bond. From what you told me of your story I can tell that you haven't completed the bond." Sen continued with her explanation.

"….What should I do for completing the bond, Osen-chan?"

"Don't worry. It isn't a hard thing to do. You just have to drink each other's blood while saying a vow to each other that you are bonded to each other."

"But… if we have to complete the bond, that means that I have to tell him that we are bonded to each other, and I have to tell him what happened that makes us bonded to each other." Chizuru bit her bottom lip hard and said her next sentence in a heavy tone. "I **can't** do that.

"….Osen-chan, I don't want his pity." She said in defeated tone. "I knew him, know him _enough_ that he would try to take responsibility for what happened if he knows. That is one of his characteristics that has made me fall for him. His sense of justice is so strong. But in this case, it is also his flaw. Rather than tell him so that he will be forced to be together with me unwillingly, out of duty, it would be better that he doesn't know our situation at all."

Even though Chizuru said her confession in her defeated tone, Sen could hear there was some conviction behind her tone. Chizuru might look soft and weak. But she was one of the most stubborn people she had met. Within the short time that they had met and spent together, she could see that Chizuru had this stubborn streak. Not to mention that she also had the pride of an oni, that wouldn't like to be look down to and would rather die than someone took pity at her.

She was proud that Chizuru didn't lose her pride and dignity as an oni, but as a woman she was frustrated with Chizuru's decision.

"But Chizuru-chan. You would suffer for unknown time." Sen had heard stories of some oni that didn't complete their bond with their partner because of some dire or special situation. The agony and longing that Chizuru would feel was something that Sen didn't want her friend to feel later. It could push you to insanity because of the intense pressure of the incomplete bond. "I don't want to scare you, but this is not something that you should decide so easily. As I told you before, this is a matter of life and death. It can kill you if it isn't done in a right and complete way."

A pregnant silence stretched in the room. Neither of the two occupants had any idea of what they should do regarding the matter. It was Chizuru that broke the silence first.

"Osen-chan, I want to ask you a question."

"What is it?"

"Can you know if someone, an oni has bonded with another without that said oni telling you that they have bonded?"

Sen shook her head. "No. I would not know at first glance at you that somehow you have bonded with whoever, Chizuru-chan."

"Then Kazama will not know that I have bonded with someone else."

"No. The bond is a sacred thing that only the ones that have created it can feel."

Chizuru nodded and went silent again. For a moment, she was afraid that the other oni (Kazama) could know that she had bonded with Hijikata. Kazama was coming for her because of his intention of making her his bride. If he found out that she was no longer available to be his bride and it was because of someone that was his enemy… The scene would not be pretty, surely. A relief spread through her body after Sen told her that there was no way the other could know, oni or not, of the bond beside the two persons that had created it.

"Chizuru-chan, even though you could hold the urge and desire inside of you all this time, but you won't be able to hold it for much longer. You have to complete the bond as soon as possible."

"…No."

"Chizuru-chan!"

"No, I can't. At least for now, I can't. Give me time."

They were exchanging stares. One with determination, one observing. In the end, for the umpteenth time that night Sen heaved a sigh. "I hope that time won't be too long."

Chizuru gave a grateful smile to her friend.

"I guess asking you to leave from this place is out of the question now."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize. It's your decision. And it can't be helped." Sen gave her a rueful smile while she shrugged her shoulders.

"Thank you, Osen-chan."

"No. Don't thank me. You just don't know what misery you have signed yourself into." Sen sounded defeated.

"No, I mean it. Thank you for listening to my situation."

The demon princess could feel the sincerity and gratitude from Chizuru's smile. While she still felt frustrated with Chizuru, she was happy that she somehow could help her.

"You're welcome, Chizuru-chan."

\---

When the two female demons entered the common room again, all the captains greeted them with an anxious look. Discreetly, Sen gazed at Hijikata and analyzed his reaction when Chizuru told them that she would not be leaving the compound.

She could only sum up in one word what she saw reflected in his eyes.

_Desire._

She didn't know if she should smile or feel sorry because the man himself was oblivious to the situation he had gotten himself into.

For Hijikata himself, relief beyond anything spread through his body when he heard that Chizuru would be still with them. With _him_. And he knew that the demon princess had stared at him when she had entered the room. Frankly he didn't want anything to do with her. And he didn't detect any bloodlust from the princess, so he just let the princess do whatever she wanted to do. It didn't do him any harm.

The other captains were happy that Chizuru would stay with the Shinsengumi. They were rushing to her side and promising to keep her safe.

"The Shinsengumi accepts responsibility for your well-being, Yukimura-kun," Kondou said in his warm tone.

"Just relax and leave it all to me!" said Nagakura while grinning.

"Glad to have you around," Harada said while patting her head.

"But I have to wonder, what kind of girl would want to stay with the Shinsengumi, huh?" Okita snide remark wasn't as mean as before. It just his way to show his concern.

And last, when she looked at him, the soft smile that she had seen a few times only, greeted her sight. "This doesn't make you some kind of special guest. You get the same treatment that you always have."

What Hijikata didn't say to Chizuru was that the treatment that she would get would be the same from anyone other than him. He swore to himself that Chizuru would be treated in _his_ own special way from now on.

Chizuru bowed her body and said her thanks: "Thank you for letting me stay!"

Before Sen departed from the Shinsengumi's compound, she took Chizuru's hands in hers and let her eyes rest on Chizuru. "Do be careful. And remember, I am on your side. If there's anything that you would like for me to help with, you know what you should do. And Chizuru-chan, don't ever hesitate to seek for my help. After all we're friends, aren't we?"

"Yes, we are. Thank you, Osen-chan." Sen gave Chizuru one last warm smile, and then she and Kimigiku, the kunoichi, were gone.

\---

After they had walked for some distance, the demon princess and her bodyguard stopped and turned their head to look back. Sen silently looked back at the place that they had just walked out from.

"Hime-sama?" Kimigiku could sense the unease from Sen.

Sen didn't acknowledge Kimigiku's call. She stared back for several minutes before facing the front and beginning to walk again.

"Let's go, Kimigiku."

And the kunoichi followed her mistress back to their village without another word.

_'Ganbatte, Chizuru-chan.'_

\---

Three figures blanketed in dark shadow strode toward the Shinsengumi later that night, not long after Sen and Kimigiku left the compound. Two of them only accompanied the third figure to accomplish the goal that one figure had.

And no one could stop him from what he wanted. He always got what he wanted.

_**"Found you."** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, you get a glimpse that a figure will come and make some havoc inside the Shinsengumi. You DO know who is he and at how the story would turn into. But... This won't be a fanfic if I don't do something of what will happen for the next event.
> 
> For some reasons, this chapter was harder for me to write. Chizuru's feeling has been bottle up for so long that it's not easy to tell someone of her feelings. That's why she was beating the bush and go round about before telling Sen her story.
> 
> Hijikata has got his turned to share his thought with someone (Kondou) and that helped him with his feelings. I guess it's unfair that Chizuru didn't get to talk and share her bottle up feelings, isn't it? So here comes Sen, to the rescue! I always like the friendship between these two.
> 
> Stay tuned for the next update and see u on next chapter.
> 
> Jaa ne~


	11. -X-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers!
> 
> I don't want to say much about this chapter. If you want to know my thought of this chapter, please see the end note.
> 
> Always I want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH to my beta reader, **ImpracticalOni-san**.
> 
> Please enjoy and I'll appreciate your thought and review if you can give me the feedback for this story.
> 
> Mikina
> 
> Disclaimer: Hakuoki is not mine. Many sentences and scenes I have taken from Hakuoki game from IOs and Hakuoki Movie Kyoto Ranbu.

"There are Onis that have attacked us right now."

That one sentence left Chizuru speechless. _"What?"_

She could hear the roars and shouts of battle accompanied by the sound of steel against steel echoing from outside her room. She had come back not too long before to her room. The whole fiasco with Sen had made her feelings into a swirling pool, with all the confessions that she had told Sen about. It really wore her out and she wanted to lie down and sleep to rest her body and mind. Unfortunately, she would not get that sleep that she so much needed that night.

She could hear that someone had come running and his footsteps were stopping in front of her room. It turned out to be Shimada and he said that an emergency situation had happened. And what happened was the situation described above.

When Chizuru's mind had started to work again, she shuffled from her futon and grabbed her kodachi. But when she leapt for the door to go outside, Shimada threw out his arm to stop her and his determined eyes met Chizuru's panicked ones.

"The Onis are after you," said Shimada in calm voice. "You can't go out. You need to stay here."

"But –" _'I am the one that they're after. How could I just sit and wait in here while the others fight the battles, **my** battles for me?!'_ Chizuru's mind was in turmoil. What she was most afraid of was happening. _'Everyone could die in the battle. And I don't want that to happen!'_

She was imagining the worst that might happen… that the Shinsengumi could be wiped out because of her, the members could be dead of fighting the Oni, the captains could be dead because they were defending her, that _he_ could get hurt and be killed because of _**her**_ ….

"I have to go Shimada-san." She said it with her most certain tone.

"No! I can't let you do that Yukimura."

She looked straight to Shimada and Shimada could see the determination that reflected in her eyes. "Those Onis are here for me. I will try to talk to them. Maybe if they have seen me, the fight could cease. I… I just don't want anyone to get hurt because of me. Please, Shimada-san. I'm begging you." She pleaded in desperation at the end. She could hear that the sounds of the battle were getting louder. Her gut told her that it wasn't a good thing.

Shimada furrowed his eyebrows. His mouth drew into a tight line. But at last he gave a loud sigh and shook his head. "If you give me that look, I can't say no to it. Fine. You can go out. But, Hijikata-san had directly commanded me to protect you personally. So if you are going out, so am I."

Chizuru nodded to Shimada's condition and gave him a brief smile, grateful for his cooperation and understanding.

They were running out from her room. Chizuru paused momentarily unsure of where to go. Shimada told her to go to one direction when suddenly she heard a strangled sound from the said man. Next she knew, Shimada flew several yards through the air then landed hard on the ground. He slid another few feet from where he landed and after that lay still, not moving at all.

"Shimada-san!" She screamed in horror, looking at the still man. Her body froze at the view. She tried to go to look at him but a voice stopped her.

"Where do you think you are going?" She felt a chill run through her body from that low-cold-flat voice. One name entered her mind as the owner of that voice.

_'Kazama Chikage.'_

In the same instant that Chizuru recognized the owner of the voice, she felt Kazama's arm snake around her neck, pulling her toward the Oni. She struggled from his grip around her neck but his arms were as immovable as steel.

"Let me…go!" she said in a strangled voice, because of the grip around her neck.

"Hmph!" Kazama let out a sigh and said his next sentence arrogantly. "What sort of business do you still have with this false demon, huh? You as the pure Oni should not mingle around this fake Oni and humans, and get tainted with their impure minds. Especially around these Shinsengumi humans." His voice was like a cold breath in her ear. She could almost hear a sneer in his tone. "Come with me."

"Why do I have… to do… that?" Still in her strangled voice she asked the question to her capturer. She could feel that her strength was ebbing slowly.

"Because no matter how much you give to these humans, in the end they _will_ betray you. Haven't you learn from what happened with the Yukimura clan? The humans _betrayed_ and _killed_ your whole clan. _Your family._ And with those abominations that you've seen they've created. What could you possibly hope to gain from them?"

"I…" Chizuru lost her words. The creation of Rasetsu was hardly something she approved of. But she wasn't officially part of the Shinsengumi. What right did she have to criticize their actions? Especially when the very concoction that allowed the Shinsengumi to create their _'false demons'_ had been created by her own father?

With that thought lingering in her mind, she could feel her consciousness was fading and her vision became black not long after. She had lost consciousness.

Kazama felt Chizuru's body go limp. He caught her and carried her in his arms, as gentle as he could be. He looked into Chizuru's face and a smirk was spread on his face.

He had accomplished his purpose of coming to this godforsaken place. It was time to depart. But first he had to meet his other Oni fellows that were still fighting with the Shinsengumi members and tell them to stop the meaningless fight. He didn't want to waste any more time than they should.

***

The fighting was fierce on the temple grounds. Even Sannan, the supposed-dead-man, had come out. He turned into a Rasetsu and fought with one of the Oni, known as Amagiri Kyuju. The other Oni was fighting with Harada.

"Shiranui, wasn't it?" Harada said while dodging the bullet shot by the said Oni.

"Harada, huh?" The Oni acknowledged the captain on the 10th squad of Shinsengumi.

"I'll be your opponent. Let's settle the previous unfinished battle, shall we?" Harada readied his spear to attack Shiranui.

Shiranui answered Harada's invitation with another shot. From then the two were engrossed with their battle.

The rest of the Shinsengumi members that gathered on the grounds could only watch the battle. They were waiting and also ready on the sideline and if they were needed they would assist the captain.

In the midst of that, a shadow emerged from the darkness followed by a voice.

"I have what I want. Let's go back."

All the heads turned to the voice and the fight was also stopped midway. The Shinsengumi captains' eyes widened when they saw who the voice belonged to and what he carried in his arms.

"Oi, oi," Shiranui drawled. "I'm not finished yet you know. Don't take the fun out of it."

"If we stay here for too long, these humans' stink might rub off on us." Kazama spoke in his haughty tone. "Besides, I'm here only to take this Oni with us. There are no reasons for us to stay any longer." Shiranui was clicking his tongue but he didn't argue any longer with Kazama, while Amagiri nodded his head from the start.

"Hey! Let her go!" Harada blocked the three Onis. The other members were standing behind him. Sannan stood beside Harada, his sword pointed to the Onis.

"Stop right there!" A shout from other side was heard and with that came the running Hijikata. He was unsheathing his katana from its scabbard and ran to Kazama. He thrust his katana at the Oni, but Kazama dodged it with a graceful move. He moved several steps back while dodging Hijikata's attack.

The intense glare sent toward each other was swirling between them.

There was a pillar near where Kazama stood. He put Chizuru down next to the pillar. "You dare turn your katana on me." Kazama took his katana from his scabbard on his waist. "How interesting."

Hijikata moved his stance, readied to attack. Kazama held his katana in his hand; his eyes glinted in menace toward Hijikata. "Let's play then."

That was the cue and their katana were against each other with a clanging sound.

"Ugh…!" Hijikata had to admit that Kazama really was a formidable opponent. Even though he used all his strength to attack and defend, he could feel the difference between their strength. Each attack from Kazama was so strong and his speed was on another level. It was not that he was slow, but his opponent was so much faster than him. He defended from the attack and he felt his arms getting heavier. Kazama was serious and if he didn't use all the power that he had, death was waiting for him in the end.

"Are you surprised with my strength?" Kazama said calmly in his haughty tone. "This is the true strength of an Oni. My true strength to be exact. You humans can't stand the true strength of Oni power. I guess play time is over. I will bring this woman to the place that she belongs to." He pointed the tip of his katana at the vice commander.

Chizuru eyes were flickering. She was regaining consciousness. Her head still felt a little bit dizzy. But she could hear the sound around her. And one voice caught her attention.

"She doesn't need to go to anywhere. Her place is _here_. She belongs _**here**_."

She heard the conviction in Hijikata's voice. And what she heard made her heart beat frantically. _'Hijikata-san…'_

Kazama let out a sneering laugh. "You do realize that she isn't a human, don't you? She is an Oni. You fools have no idea of her worth. She will become most valuable to us. Can't waste that on human like you."

Hijikata furrowed his brow, a piercing glare directed at Kazama. "I don't give a s**t about that. She's under our protection, the Shinsengumi. You won't have it your way. She will decide what she wants by herself. You can't force your will on her!"

Kazama narrowed his eyes, "I can't allow our kind to fraternize with those fakes (Rasetsu). Especially a pure blood like her and myself. She will come with me and to be honest, I also don't give a s**t about all you humans."

With that Kazama leapt from his spot and he attacked Sannan in full force. Sannan didn't see it coming and he couldn't defend himself in time.

"Sannan-san!" Hijikata ran to Sannan and lifted his katana to slash Kazama. But before he could reach Kazama, the Oni let out a force that knocked him hard and made him roll a few feet away on the ground. His sword was released from his grip and was thrown out in the different direction. Chizuru watched the whole incident with bated breath. It seemed no one had recognized that she had regained consciousness.

"A-Agh…" Hijikata couldn't move his body. With hard effort he managed to stand, but even then he was stumbling in his stance. His head was spinning and his vision wasn't clear enough. When he could assess his surrounding, he realized that Kazama was on his way to attack him while he still tried to regain his composure. His hands still felt numb. He couldn't raise them to defend himself from the attack. He was bracing himself for whatever impact the Oni would give to him from the attack.

….But the attack didn't come.

Instead he was pushed by someone on his shoulder. He could hear a hiss sound come from the one that pushed him, indicating that this person received the attack instead of him. And to his, and Kazama's, surprise… It was Yukimura Chizuru.

"Yukimura!"

When Chizuru saw Kazama come at Hijikata to attack the vice commander, her body was moving on auto pilot. Without thinking she got up from her sitting position and pushed Hijikata away from the attack. Hijikata had rolled and stopped near where Chizuru was. The katana sliced her shoulder and fresh blood poured out from the wound.

"You…!" Kazama lost his words upon seeing Chizuru's action.

Hijikata fell to the ground when Chizuru pushed him. Both of them stared into each other eyes before Chizuru turned her body toward Kazama. She pulled out her kodachi from its sheath. With cold sweat running down on her back and shaking leg, she faced Kazama.

"Why would an Oni protect a human?" Kazama asked in a chilling voice, his eyes smoldering with cold fury. He was trying to repress the bubbling anger that arose from the previous incident. _'This woman,… Why is she so stubborn?!'_

"Even if I am an Oni, that's not a reason to not protect someone that is dear to me. Please, leave this place." Her voice was still hoarse, the after effect of Kazama strangling her neck previously. But she spoke in a steady and firm tone.

"Human and Oni can't live together. We are different from the humans." Once again Kazama let out a force that enveloped him and Chizuru. Their hair turned into white and their eyes turned into gold. Chizuru's wound was closing with inhuman speed and as if she had never received any wound, her supposedly bleeding shoulder was good as normal again. "See? We're different from them. You are not stupid enough to think that you can live together with them, are you? Your background history has already told you that you should not trust any human. You belong with us, Yukimura Chizuru."

"I….I…." Her hands were shaking. Her voice wasn't as sure as before. She couldn't counter what Kazama had told her. While it was the truth, she **couldn't** accept it as the whole truth. But she didn't have any proof to show it to him.

Suddenly she felt that her shoulder was being pulled gently and a strong arm was curling around it. Someone had taken her kodachi from her hand. That someone was the one that pulled and embraced her, and at the same time was catching and sheltering her. That someone was Hijikata. She gazed at the man that embraced her so tightly.

"You stand in the house of the Wolves of Mibu." Hijikata had gained his composure fully. "There are no humans in here in the first place!"

"Hijikata-san…." She spoke his name softly.

"I won't let you screw us over with a mere thought like that."

Several moments passed before Kazama retracted the force and he and Chizuru turned back into their human appearance.

"…You would choose a simple human, then?"

"I refuse to go with you. Please leave!"

Kazama stared back indifferently. Then he sheathed his katana. "How disappointing."

Shiranui and Amagiri were standing behind Kazama. They could feel that the battle was over.

"What a waste of time." Kazama turned his body and began to walk out from the compound. "We're leaving."

"Huh?" Shiranui let out a tired sigh. "You just do whatever you please, really." He clucked his tongue again, not pleased with how the events unfolded in the end. Still, he followed his fellow Oni to walk out.

Amagiri bowed to the Shinsengumi before he followed the other two.

When he was only a few feet away from the gate, Kazama stopped and spoke his last words without turning. "Oni and humans can't live together in the same place. If you want to carry on that fantasy of coexisting in the same place and as you said, keeping her under your protection, then I will see you do it.

"But I can assure you that you will fail. And when that time comes, I'll get her. After all she's mine. And she doesn't belong to any of you mere humans."

After he said his cryptic words, they walked out of the compound and leapt into the darkness.

Chizuru's body sagged with relief as the terrified energy of the last minutes quickly ebbed away. Hijikata could feel that Chizuru was leaning into his body. When he released his tight hold from Chizuru to see if she was alright, she fell to the ground. He didn't react fast enough to catch her. His muscles were screaming from the previous beating he took when he fought with Kazama.

Chizuru still could feel the warmth of his arm lingering around her body after he let go of her and her body dropped to the ground. And she knew that he was staring at her from where he stood. But for some reason, she couldn't turn and stare back at the man that had defended her with his life.

"Yukimu-,"

"TOSHII!" Kondou yelled to Hijikata and was running to his side, cutting off whatever Hijikata wanted to say to Chizuru.

"Kondou-san." Hijikata greeted Kondou and his demeanor had returned to the oni fukuchou of the Shinsengumi. His face was cold and hard. He left Chizuru while barking a command to look into the injury and the state of the rest of the members of the Shinsengumi.

Harada helped Chizuru to stand.

"You alright, Chizuru-chan?" asked the man with concern.

Chizuru nodded her head. But she didn't utter any words to state her well-being. It's like Harada could feel Chizuru's feelings. He just patted Chizuru's head and then walked away to where Hijikata had gone to.

After a few moments, she also walked in the direction the others had gone to, the infirmary. She would help Yamazaki in treating the injured members. While hoping desperately there wouldn't be a member that died because of the previous incident.

She knew that Sen had warned her of how she would feel. The feeling that had begun to grow inside her body since the beginning of the incident.

The guilty feeling that had slowly but surely begun to weaken her resolve.

And she didn't know if she could stand and hold the feeling any longer.

Her chest was tightening in a suffocating way. If she didn't maintain her composure, she knew that she would break down and maybe hyperventilate because of her guilty conscience.

She wanted to cry. To scream her heart out because of the agony of that guilty feeling.

….But at the same time. She had to be strong.

She didn't want the trust that he had given to her to disappear because of the fear and guilty feeling.

She wanted to show him that she was worthy of his trust.

She wanted to show him that she's someone that could be counted on.

She wanted to show him that his choice of letting her stay with the Shinsengumi was the right one.

In all, she didn't want to make him disappointed in her.

But the intense feeling inside her chest was hurting her from inside.

Not the first time that she had faced a thing like this. The confused feeling had clouded her mind before. But never had she felt so hopeless and defeated at the same time.

_'What… do I have… to do….?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is supposed to be one of the important scene that happen in the story. But somehow, it turned out to be so-so. I don't know why. Maybe because (I think) we already know what will happen for this part. I tried to input my thought in the story so it could sync with the main idea. But still... It didn't give much effect. That's what I feel.
> 
> Still, this is one of the turning point that Chizuru has to take. The decision of her staying with the Shinsengumi. And what that decision will bring. I have imagined this scene since I made the story. I really want to make this scene an epic one... But maybe I didn't.
> 
> Thank you for reading the story. See u on next chapter. :D


	12. -XI-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers!
> 
> How are you? I hope that all of you are doing good. Here's the next chapter of the story.
> 
> I really-REALLY- **REALLY** want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH to my beta reader **ImpracticalOni** -san for helping me (again) with this chapter. :D
> 
> You can see my AN at the end of the story to know my thought on this chapter.
> 
> Just read and enjoy the story first.
> 
> Mikina
> 
> Disclaimer: Hakuoki is not mine, the story and characters belong to Idea Factory and Otomate. But this story, it is.

Winter had come again. This time the temperature was definitely dropping, cold enough for anyone to see their breath if they breathed out. Not to mention that the harsh, cold wind made everybody wish to be always inside their home instead of going out and having to do their job. Likewise, the members of the Shinsengumi that recently had moved to Fudodo Village, hoped that their on-guard duty would finish soon so they could get inside. Because of the cold weather, it was getting hard to wake up in the morning these days. If not for the fear of a certain oni fukuchou if they dared to slack behind his back….

After the incident with the Oni at the temple, the monks in Nishihongwanji asked (forced) the Shinsengumi to leave the temple. Not good news to hear on the morning right after the unfortunate incident. Kondou had sour face when he came inside the common room and informed to the rest of the captains about the matter. But in the end, they still complied with the 'request' and had moved to Fudodo Village.

There were several events that followed.

Chizuru had met someone that looked exactly like her. She was with Okita, who was on patrol duty at that time. That someone was a beautiful ojou, and the pretty kimono that the woman wore enhanced her beauty, in Chizuru's opinion. The woman introduced herself as Nagumo Kaoru. The encounter had made her conscious of her appearance that at that time wore hakama. Even though the encounter was brief, it had left a strong impression on Chizuru for some unknown reason.

For the Shinsengumi itself, some changes had happened inside the force. In the beginning, when their name was still Roshigumi, the Shinsengumi was only a special police force that was founded to protect Shogunate representatives in Kyoto at a time when a controversial imperial edict to exclude foreign trade from Japan had been made. The squad consisted of many ronins drawn from the sword schools of Edo. But around the time that the Shinsengumi moved to Fudodo Village, Kondou got promoted and became a Hatamoto, a samurai in the direct service of the Shogunate. Now the Shinsengumi became the Shogun's vassals, directly answered to the Shogunate. Not only philosophically aligned with the Shogun. For some people that was a _serious_ problem. Several men, maybe the imperialists that didn't follow Itou, had wanted to leave. Some of them had been given permission to go, but others were told that wasn't option and were forced into the Rasetsu squad. Even not all the captains in the Shinsengumi were happy with the change. Like Harada and Nagakura.

In the political world, a man name Sakamoto Ryouma had caused a rift that involved the Shogunate and the Emperor at that time. It was said that Sakamoto had figured out a way for the Emperor to regain power without destroying the Shogunate. Unfortunately, in doing so, he managed to anger both the loyalist and imperialist factions. He was a wanted man. At one time the Shinsengumi was desperate to find him. But for unknown reason, later there were orders that passed down to leave him alone. The Shinsengumi complied with the order. Then one day Sakamoto Ryouma was found dead, said to be assassinated. Not only that, a scabbard of a Shinsengumi member was said to have been found at the scene of his death, Harada's to be exact. Within the Shinsengumi itself, no one believed that Harada had killed Sakamoto. They knew that they were being framed, but because of their infamous reputation, the rest of the nation was unlikely to see it the other way.

The Shinsengumi also worried about Sannan's activity at night. There were rumors about the night patrol. And not good ones. Sannan and the Rasetsu squad were given the duty to do the night patrol. Apparently, they also _did_ something beside their patrol duty. Only some members in the Shinsengumi knew about the existence of Rasetsu, namely the higher-ranking members. They didn't want even more people knowing about the Rasetsu. And this conclusion led them to do something drastic. They planned to assassinate Itou Kashitarou.

Itou knew of the existence of the Rasetsu and it looked like he planned to expose their existence. That and because of one other reason the Shinsengumi decided to eliminate him. Itou wanted to kill Kondou. The two pieces of information came from a very trustworthy source, who was none other than Saitou. Apparently, Saitou joined Itou's faction because of a direct order given to him from Hijikata. Only Hijikata and Kondou knew about this. The Shinsengumi captains were very shocked when one day Hijikata and Kondou came to the common room followed by Saitou. They explained what happened then. Hijikata said that the one that indirectly framed the Shinsengumi for the assassination of Sakamoto Ryouma was Itou's group, which they knew courtesy of Saitou.

Then, with the same mouth that had given Chizuru a passionate and heated kiss that night in Shimabara, the same mouth that had comforted her when she felt down and told her not to blame herself not too long ago when Saitou and Heisuke left the Shinsengumi to join Itou's faction, the same mouth that had spoken the promise that he would protect her in front of Kazama… With that same mouth was delivered the cold word to end Itou's life.

 _"It's too bad it has to be this way, but we don't have a choice. Itou dies."_ The voice of the Oni was what Chizuru thought when she heard Hijikata speak those words, which she quoted in her mind. His cold voice and narrowed gaze made Hijikata live up to his infamous title, **oni-fukuchou**. But for some unknown reason, Chizuru was not afraid of _that_ Hijikata. Even though that was the first time that she heard Hijikata plan to kill someone directly in front of her…. No, she was not afraid with this Hijikata. It just made her realize that Hijikata was really a man that dedicated to the Shinsengumi. No… Not to the Shinsengumi, but to Kondou Isami. She had a hunch that what drove Hijikata to assassinate Itou was not because of his plan to expose the Rasetsu. The last straw was because Itou wanted to kill Kondou.

She could see that her beloved man looked up to the Chief of the Shinsengumi so much and dared she say that Hijikata put Kondou high up on a pedestal in his mind. He would do anything for Kondou.

She had made a bond with a man that is loyal and dedicated. Not to mention a very responsible one. If she ever told Hijikata about their situation regarding their bond, she knew she wouldn't be able to live with the guilty feeling of forcing Hijikata to leave Kondou and the Shinsengumi. She knew that Hijikata would take responsibility for her situation. But in doing so, he would have to leave the Shinsengumi and Kondou. He had accidentally revealed his ideal of having his own family to Chizuru, if someday he was permitted to have one, on that fateful night in Shimabara. He told her there that he didn't want his family to be involved in anything that had to do with the Shinsengumi's matters. That's why she chose to keep silent and would take the bond matter to her grave, if she could.

She was too deeply _**in love**_ with a man named Hijikata Toshizou and she was willing to do maybe _almost_ anything, so that he could receive the best result for him.

And regarding Itou's matter, even though she knew that what they would do was considered as a dirty job, she still wanted to take part in it. She wanted to help them… to help _him_ , to achieve his goal. Kondou didn't want to involve Chizuru but she was persistent to help. She said that she considered herself as a member of the Shinsengumi. In the end, it was agreed that Chizuru would assist Hijikata. Hijikata was the one that said that Chizuru would help him lure Itou into the trap. Her choice was only that or helping the others with the killing job. Hijikata didn't want Chizuru to get near the battle ground. She was stubborn and when her mind was set on something, she wouldn't back down. That's why he told her to go with him. While doing his job, he could protect Chizuru if anything happened. As the proverb said, killing two birds with one stone.

While doing their job to assassinate Itou, the Shinsengumi was also trying to bring Heisuke back to the Shinsengumi. Long story short, they succeeded on killing Itou. Later, the incident would be known as the Aburano Koji incident. And Heisuke rejoined the Shinsengumi. But there was a catch. Heisuke was badly injured when he arrived at the Shinsengumi headquarters with the rest of the members. His wound was very severe and deep. The only way for him to live was to drink the Ochimizu and become a Rasetsu. Heisuke was declared dead for the outside world, while the truth was he had become a Rasetsu.

The final event was that _at last_ Chizuru met with Yukimura Kodou, her missing father. And not only that. The woman that looked like her, Nagumo Kaoru, was also there, standing beside her father. In fact, she was the one that lured Chizuru out from the Shinsengumi headquarters to meet with Kodou.

"Otou-San…!" Chizuru said surprised looking at her missing father.

"How are you, Chizuru?" Kodou said in his soft tone, the way he always talked to Chizuru.

Chizuru was very happy to be able to see and meet her father again, but that feeling didn't last for long. Kodou told Chizuru he came to ask her to come with him, leaving the Shinsengumi. She was confused of course. Instead of complying with her father wishes, she asked her father about things that had been bugging her since she knew of her father's involvement with the Rasetsu matter. And the answer was not something that she expected or wanted to hear.

She learned two important pieces of information from the meeting. The first was Kodou told her that he wasn't her real father and she was the reason of why he had made the concoction, the Ochimizu, to create the Rasetsu. Kodou wanted to have his revenge on the humans for the assassination of the Yukimura clan. He decided to make an army of a fake Oni and the one that would lead them was Chizuru. Chizuru was very shocked when she heard this revelation.

Then Chizuru asked Kodou if the Rasetsu could be turned back into normal humans again.

His answer was _'No'_.

This was the second important thing that Kodou told Chizuru. Before, Kodou told her that it was because of _her_ that the Rasetsu was created… and now, he told her that _**nothing**_ could turn them back to normal… She felt guilt overwhelm her body that instant. And when the second piece of information completely sank into her mind, her knees lost the strength to hold her body and slowly her body dropped to the ground… if not for the strong arms that caught her weak body.

The arms that caught her were Hijikata's. He had followed Chizuru without being seen when he saw her walk out from the compound. He had watched her silently since the incident inside the Nishihongwanji temple. He didn't know if the others noticed Chizuru's condition or not, but since that incident she had this far-off look when she thought that she was alone. She looked like she was deep in her thoughts and would heave a deep sigh, almost all the times. One time, he thought that she would cry, because she looked very dejected. He **swore** that he even heard a sniffling sound coming from the girl. Hijikata found himself wanting to hug and comfort Chizuru several times when she looked like that. But, because he **was** Hijikata, _the oni-fukuchou of the Shinsengumi_ …. In the end he took back his outstretched hand that wanted to embrace the only girl in the Shinsengumi.

He stood not too far from where Chizuru was when he saw that her attention was on something else and then she went to follow a shadowy figure that he couldn't see from where he was. Then he hid himself when he saw the person that stood not far from Chizuru. 'Kodou-san,' he thought surprised. After that he stood still, listening to the conversation between Chizuru and Kodou. Until he made himself known when he saved Chizuru from falling to the ground.

"Long time no see, Kodou-san," he said curtly.

"Hijikata-kun. I see you have followed Chizuru." Kodou humoured the oni-fukuchou.

"Cut the chit-chat. Where were you and what do you want?"

"I know that you listened to the conversation between me and Chizuru." As Kodou answered Hijikata's questions, Hijikata narrowed his eyes, giving his icy glare to the supposed doctor.

"This girl in under the protection of the Shinsengumi now. And with the things that you have said to her before, I will not allow her to go with you."

The two then exchanged a hostile gaze.

"Oji-san. I don't want Chizuru to be with that man." Kodou's companion spoke suddenly, also giving Hijikata a frown. "Let just take Chizuru and go from here. Willingly or not. After all, humans are not worthy for Chizuru."

 _'Just where have I heard that same sentence, huh?'_ Hijikata scoffed internally. A blond oni with red eyes flashed in his mind.

"Kaoru-kun." Kodou averted his gaze from Hijikata and looked at his companion. "Be patient. Chizuru has said that she doesn't want to go with us. But I think that's for the better for now. The armies are not ready. We would come get her if it's ready."

"Let's go."

With that said, Kaoru unsheathed her kodachi from her waist. A gust of wind enveloped them. And just like that, before Kodou answered the questions about his reason for the sudden disappearing act from the Shinsengumi and his whereabouts when he was missing, he vanished from sight, with the help of Kaoru.

Hijikata wanted to chase after them but he could feel that Chizuru body had become limp. She was silent through the rest of the conversation. When he looked closer at the young woman, she was unconscious.

Carefully, he lifted Chizuru's body and carried her in his arms. He would deal with Kodou and that Kaoru kid later. There was a more pressing matter at hand that he had to attend to.

Tightening his grip around Chizuru's body, he carried her back to the headquarters.

\---

When Chizuru opened her eyes later, she found herself in her room. She was confused as to why she was inside her room and futon. The last thing she remembered before she lost consciousness was her knees feeling very weak and her body dropping to the ground; but before it did, a strong pair of arms had caught her. Then she heard the voice of the owner of the strong arms. The voice that had taunted her mind day and night. The voice that belonged to **him**. That was the last thing that she remembered before she lost consciousness.

Then, she remembered the conversation that she had with Kodou. Her body went numb. It was liked her mind was shutting down and didn't want to process and acknowledge that piece of information that Kodou had told her about the whole Rasetsu matter.

And for once in her life, she considered if there was a meaning for her to be with the Shinsengumi, or even worse, to be _alive_. All she had brought for the Shinsengumi since she had joined the force was trouble. She could list all the things that happened because of her, but she didn't want to be reminded of all the unfortunate incidents.

She sat inside her room; her face looked forlorn and very dejected. Then, her tears dropped one by one before streaming down fast and she found herself sobbing in the silent room. She buried her head inside her hands before the sobbing turned into wailing. She was so distraught with all the sadness and guilty feelings that overwhelmed her body in full force that she didn't notice a lone figure that stood outside her room… hearing all the cries that she was letting out inside her room.

That figure stayed until he couldn't hear anymore cries inside the young woman's room before he left.

\---

In the days that followed after the eventful meeting with her supposed father, Chizuru found herself helping with any chores that she could find within the headquarters. She said that she was _helping with the chores_ , but those that saw her would say that she was _**working herself to death**_ with the amount of the things that she had done and would do. She woke early in the morning and went to sleep very late in the night. She asked every single members in the Shinsengumi if they might need her help doing something. And this went on for nearly two weeks.

The captains started looking at her with worried glances. Inoue even once told Chizuru that she was forcing herself with all the work that she was doing. Chizuru gave the elderly captain a small smile and told him that she enjoyed doing work and chores for the Shinsengumi. Then she had gone before Inoue could convince her to stop.

Chizuru knew that she was indeed forcing herself. With the cold wind and the dropping temperature, it was so hard for her frail body to do all the things that she had done. But she _wanted_ to do this. She _**needed**_ this for her body to function again. If she let her body to be still and not doing anything, her mind would drift into _that_ thought again. This was her way, her answer, so she could let herself remain with the Shinsengumi.

But nature had different answer for her. With all the work that she had done, not to mention the lack of the rest that her body needed so much, it was just a matter of time before she collapsed. And what the captains had feared the most happened in front of their eyes.

Chizuru was serving tea to the captains (sans Heisuke, Sannan, Okita) in the common room. She felt so weak and her head was dizzy to the point that she felt her body sway many times. She felt so cold and yet her body had been sweating a lot since she had awoken that morning. When she got up from the kneeling position, her dizziness had come back tenfold and before she knew it, her vision was all black.

Harada, Nagakura, Inoue and Kondou had screamed Chizuru's name in panic when they saw the young woman's body dropping to the ground. Saitou wanted to catch Chizuru but he didn't act fast enough. When Chizuru had first come to the room, Hijikata had known that something was off about her. He had scrutinized and followed her every movement. And when her body was dropping to the ground, he was beside her already and caught her instantly.

"Chizuru-chan!/Yukimura-kun!/Yukimura!" The captains shouted Chizuru's name together.

Hijikata felt that Chizuru's body was very hot. When he put his palm to her head, he felt a burning sensation.

_'She is burning with fever.'_

"Toshi, what happened?" Kondou asked in concern.

"She is burning with fever." Hijikata repeated his thought to Kondou. He lifted Chizuru's body and carried her in his arms. "Saitou, tell Yamazaki to come to Yukimura's room." Without waiting for Saitou's answer, Hijikata exited the common room and went to Chizuru's room in silent hurry.

Saitou followed Hijikata's order and also stepped out to look for Yamazaki. The rest of the captains exchanged worried looks with each other. They were hoping that Chizuru's condition wasn't too bad and she would get better soon enough.

\---

Chizuru opened her heavy eyes slowly. Her vision was still blurry, but she could figure out that she was in her room and inside her futon. Her mind was a bit foggy. She felt extremely weak.

_'What happened?'_

She wanted to move her body but a voice had stopped her movement.

"Stay still."

A voice with a commanding tone could be heard inside the silent room. It was stern yet also soft if that was possible. Chizuru turned to look at the owner of the voice. A figure sat beside her futon. She tried to focus her eyes on the figure. And when her vision was finally clear enough, she could see the figure's face.

"Hiji-kata-san…?" She asked weakly.

She was surprised to see Hijikata beside her bed. The said man looked back at her with an impassive face. But his eyes showed nothing but concern.

"You wake up at last," he said, and relief could be heard in his tone.

"You have been unconscious for two days."

"W-what?"

"You were burning with fever. And it didn't go down until a few hours ago. You have made all the captains worried about your condition." Hijikata informed Chizuru about the situation. "You scared most of them with the fainting incident inside the common room."

The thing that he didn't mention was that his heart had stopped for a second when he saw her body dropping to the ground. He really _**had**_ felt that it had stopped for that second.

Chizuru then remembered what had happened. She felt another guilty feeling creep up inside her.

"…I am so-,"

"Stop." Hijikata cut off Chizuru's attempt to apologize. "If you know that you are wrong, that's enough. Just… don't ever do it again." _‘Don't ever scare me like that again.’_

"But-,"

"Listen Yukimura. You said it yourself before that you consider yourself as a part of the Shinsengumi. And I have acknowledged it. One thing that you must have known that here in the Shinsengumi, you have to obey your superior's word. In this case, it's my word. No one ever dares to defy my word, as you should know. All you can do is say _'Yes, sir'_."

Chizuru stayed silent upon hearing Hijikata's statement about his acknowledgement of her being a part of the Shinsengumi. She closed her eyes for a moment then opened them and looked directly into Hijikata's eyes. He stared back into her brown orbs.

"Hijikata-san?"

"Yes. What it is?"

"Can I really stay with the Shinsengumi?"

If he was surprised with her question, he didn't show any of it on his face. Instead he answered her back with a question and a solemn expression. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean."

"…."

Hijikata didn't reply to Chizuru's statement. They stared to each other for several moments before he heaved a sigh.

"Just rest and get better." He didn't elaborate more and somehow Chizuru knew that he wouldn't give any answer to her question for now. She also didn't push the question further; her body was still weak and she didn't have any energy to be her stubborn self.

"Are you leaving?" She asked him when she saw that he was ready to get up from his seated position.

"You have to rest and even if you don't realize it, it is midnight already." Honestly, Hijikata didn't want to leave Chizuru alone. Since the first time he brought her to her room and after Yamazaki examined her, there was always someone (usually one of the captains) that would stay near her and look after her. He was lucky that she woke up from her sleep when it was his turn to look after her. But he didn't want to make her uncomfortable by staying in her room. He decided that he would wait outside.

"Don't go….Please, stay." Hijikata blinked, hearing Chizuru's words.

"Won't you feel uncomfortable if I stay here?" He said in a hesitant tone.

"No." She shook her head weakly. "If it is Hijikata-san, I won't feel that way. So, please…" She pleaded in her soft and still weak tone.

"Then rest. I won't go anywhere." He complied with her request.

"…Thank…you." She spoke her gratitude with a small smile and closed her eyes again. If she had stayed awake for a bit longer, she could have seen the tiniest smile on Hijikata's mouth.

He saw her chest moving rhythmically, indicating that she had gone back to sleep.

He took one of her hands and enveloped it inside his palms. He would allow this selfish act of his for this one time. He was truly scared about her condition and was relieved beyond anything that she had regained consciousness.

He leaned his head into the small one hand that he held. And he let out a deep long breath.

He lifted his head and once again looked at the sleeping young woman.

"Thank you for coming back to me, Chizuru."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, in this chapter, there are some historical events that I've also included with the story. I need the backgrounds to build up my story, that's why I also write about the historical events. I take some from Wikipedia (the Shinsengumi's backgrounds story) and some from the game itself (about Sakamoto Ryouma). I hope it will not make you bored with the information. Just think that it's a bit of information about our lovely(?) Shinsengumi's squad.
> 
> About the scene where Chizuru met with Kodou and Kaoru, I take it from the Movie: Kyoto Ranbu. Honestly, I like the movie plot more then the one in the game or anime.
> 
> And for Chizuru's sickness, I get the idea from the game, where in there Chizuru was sick, but the one that visited her was Saitou, not Hijikata. The scene is from the PS 3 version, from the extra if I remember correctly. I don't play the game itself, but I've seen it from the Youtube, someone has posted it.
> 
> So, that's it for now. I hope you enjoy the new chapter. See u again on the next chapter.
> 
> And reviews and feedbacks are always appreciated :D
> 
>  _PS: I've made a new story about Kuroko no Basuke. I've posted the first chapter (Prologue) for the story. The title is_ _**Virtuoso**_. _For the summary of the story, it goes like this:_
> 
> _The story will be about Kuroko is helping the Kiseki no Seidai to get back their passion of music. In this story he had made a promise to someone to help the Kiseki no Seidai because of personal reason. This someone is my original character but she has a connection with Kuroko. The identity of this character will be revealed in the story. But this character has a past story with all the Kiseki no Seidai. And yes, Momoi Satsuki is included in Kiseki no Seidai._
> 
> _The genre will be Friendship and Romance. With Humor and Drama._
> 
> _Please give it a try and may you also enjoy this story._


	13. -XII-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers!
> 
> Here's the long awaited new chapter :D
> 
> This chapter takes longer for me to write because of two things. One, I have another story to write (a Kuroko no Basuke story that I have mentioned in the previous chapter) and two, my right wrist was injured. I couldn't type for a long time, that's why this chapter is late. But my wrist has gotten better and maybe it will take another week to be completely healed.
> 
> And, once again I want to say a big THANK YOU for my beta reader, **ImpracticalOni** , for helping me with this chapter.
> 
> May you enjoy this chapter then :)
> 
> Mikina
> 
> Disclaimer: Some conversations and explanations are taken from the game and from the article that I've read. I just own my own plot.

Gazing at the backyard covered with the snow, Chizuru continued her current activity, something that she did a lot recently. She would simply sit on the hallway and face the backyard while pondering on her thoughts. She always found herself doing this since she regained her health after the fever.

Although she had insisted to the others that she was fine and not a least bit unwell, none of them (namely the captains and some other members that she was acquainted with in the Shinsengumi) would give her any chores to do. They said that while she was regaining her health, the chores that she usually did had been divided among the other members. She didn't have to exert herself and should just take it easy. Even though she knew that the others' intention was for her well being, she couldn't help but think that the Shinsengumi _didn't_ need her anymore. That thought was stuck on her mind.

_'When… did everything go so wrong? Why… had all of this happened?'_

The very same thought had lingered in her mind and she always asked these questions as she pondered her thoughts.

_'I know it was my fault for all the unfortunate things that happened with the Shinsengumi.'_

She blamed herself most of the time.

_'Do I become a bother to them? Should I leave the Shinsengumi then?'_

And in the end, she always reached the same conclusion.

 _'But I don't want to leave the Shinsengumi. It is not only because of my situation with him.'_ She remembered all the things that happened since the first time she joined the force till now. _'This place…. It's my home. But, can I stay with them?'_

She felt her chest tighten and it nearly made her feel suffocated. The anguished feeling, not to mention the guilt that hadn't gone away since the incident in Nishihongwanji would slip in when she was alone to think.

She tried to be strong. She tried to always have a positive mind. She tried to always look forward. She _tried_ and _**tried**_ ….

_'Do I have a right to stay with them after all of the things that happened because of me?'_

Many men of the Shinsengumi had lost their lives in Kazama's attack.

Then the monstrous thing that her so-called father had made, the one that he claimed was done for _her_ , for the _Yukimura clan_ , was slowly devouring the Shinsengumi. Not to mention the assassination of Itou Kashitarou. The previous advisor of the Shinsengumi knew about the Rasetsu and ochimizu matters. The assassination resulted in even more injured men than Kazama's attack on the Shinsengumi, during the Aburano Koji incident.

She closed her eyes.

She remembered that he hadn't answer _that_ question when she asked him before. Did he dodge the question because he didn't want to make her feel any more worthless then she felt right now? Or was it because she was sick that he couldn't tell her in his usual blunt way that no, she couldn't stay with the Shinsengumi any longer and had to leave as soon as possible? If the one that she met that night had been the oni-fukuchou persona, she had no doubt that he would have told her to leave the force and compound. Sick or not.

But the one that she had met and that had stayed with her all the night (she knew he _did_ stay) was the man that she found herself in love with. The caring and affectionate man that had made love to her that night in Shimabara.

When she met with Hijikata later, he never mentioned or addressed that 'particular' question. It was as if she had never asked him or he had never heard the question. For one, she didn't ask him the question again. She didn't know why the courage that she had when she asked him that question had gone somewhere else. In fact, she felt relieved that he didn't bring up the matter anymore. Maybe she was scared of the answer – of being told that she had to go away from the Shinsengumi.

Away from her home…

_'Away from him…'_

The thought of leaving him and her incomplete bond had made her, unconsciously, _terrified_ to the point that she didn't dare to bring up the matter anymore.

She leaned her shoulder on one of the pillars. Her body was not tired; she hadn't even done anything that day except for helping Inoue to wash the dishes. Then again, that was cut off abruptly when Inoue caught Chizuru washing the dishes. She had done it without telling the elder captain. Inoue stopped Chizuru and told her to go back to her room. He didn't want to hear any of the excuses that she had prepared for the man. So no, she was not tired at all.

But her mind was something else. It was at the breaking point. The mental exhaustion and tiredness were being underestimated. It was nearly in the shutting down process. She sighed and gazed back to the backyard.

"I am… tired."

\---

Even though the words were said in a soft whisper, he could hear it loud and clear. There was nobody else except her and _him_. And she didn't know that he stood not far from where she was.

He had watched her since she came out from the kitchen with a dejected expression. He had made it his personal job to watch over her. The fright that he felt when he saw her unconscious in front of him on that day had imprinted itself on his memories.

He was the one that told the others not to give Chizuru any work until further notice. The others (Kondou, all the captains and the rest of the Shinsengumi members) complied with his command. Even if some of the members wanted to ask about the command and were confused by it, no one dared to ask the fukuchou. No, he was not in his oni mode. But the authoritative tone and the aura that he emitted were enough to make people cower.

 _"He is like a mother hen."_ said Harada one day. The captains were in the common room. Okita, Sannan and Heisuke also joined in there. Hijikata was on the way to the designated room when he heard the talk.

 _"He_ _**is**_ _a mother hen. I almost called him kaa-san once. His nagging was at the point of annoying. If not for the constant coughing, I would surely call him that."_ That was Okita, remembering one particular day that Hijikata came to his room.

 _"Sano-san, don't tell me you have just realize it."_ Heisuke peered at Harada that sat next to him.

 _"No, I know that he is like that. All of the members know it. But… how should I put it?"_ Harada scratched the back of his head. He tried to find a suitable word to describe Hijikata's behavior toward Chizuru.

 _"His actions towards Yukimura-kun are on another level."_ Kondou put in his thought. _"More intense than the ones he used to show."_

 _"Yes, I agree. But… The vibes that I got from him, I've seen and felt it before."_ Harada still tried to think and get the exact word. _"It is on the tip of my tongue."_

 _"Like a master that cares for his favorite servant,"_ Nagakura blurted out suddenly. But before he could finish his words (to tell that he was only joking), he felt the temperature inside the room drop to the lowest level. He also got many sharp glares from all the occupants of the common room.

He knew he was in trouble. But he was oblivious as to the cause of it.

 _"W-what's with the murder glare?_ " Nagakura said in nervously.

 _"It is true that Chizuru-chan is Hijikata-san's page. But she is not a servant, Shinpatsu-san. How can you describe her like that?"_ Heisuke gave off an ominous aura. Maybe thanks to him becoming a Rasetsu his emotions were on the negative side most of the time.

 _"Heh~~ Didn't know that you thought of Chizuru-chan that way, Shinpachi,"_ Okita said in a singsong tone, but his eyes were looking at Nagakura coldly.

 _"Where do you put that smart brain of yours when you're not talking about politics, huh? You are better than that Shinpachi."_ Harada shook his head, looking a bit disappointed.

 _"Please don't ever put Yukimura-kun and the word servant in the same sentence, Nagakura-kun,"_ Kondou said in the end, displeased with Nagakura's word. _"She is one of us and even though she is a girl, I never thought her position is lower than any of you in the Shinsengumi."_

Saitou and Inoue nodded their heads, agreeing with Kondou.

 _"Wait! All of you took me the wrong way! You didn't even let me finish what I want to say! It's only joking you know. I never thought of Chizuru-chan like that! It is just my opinion of how Hijikata-san acts to Chizuru-chan! And I never consider her lower than anyone in here!"_ Nagakura defended himself, but the others' faces were impassive. Inside, he already felt guilty from what he said. He just blurted out his comment without thinking.

 _"All the sake that you drank last night must still be in your system and not making you think straight, Shinpachi. I will spar with you after this meeting. Meet me in the dojo later."_ Saitou looked emotionless. But his tone of voice was promising a thorough beating session for the spar later.

 _"I know. And I'm sorry for what I've said."_ Nagakura said dejectedly. Later at night, in one room of the Shinsengumi headquarters, a scream of agony from the sore muscles could be heard from the whole compound. Nagakura learned the hard way to think first before speaking whatever was in his mind.

Nagakura Shinpachi was a smart man but sometimes his mouth had its own mind and would get him into a trouble.

 _"It is like what a man would do for someone that he has feelings for."_ Sannan, who had remained quiet the whole time, suddenly spoke. All heads turned to him. _"It is like what a lover would do for someone that he worries and cares for."_

A pregnant silent stretched inside the common room. And before the conversation could turn further against him, Hijikata stepped into the room and the talk ceased and behaved as if they hadn't just been discussing him. No one asked if he heard what they were talking about before the fukuchou came to the common room.

All the captains in the Shinsengumi somehow knew that Hijikata and Chizuru had a special relationship. But as if they had made a silent agreement, they never talked about the topic out loud. Kondou was the only one that knew the details of what happened between Hijikata and Chizuru. And now, Sannan had said it. They were silent after what Sannan had told them because they knew in their mind that what Sannan had said was true.

Hijikata was a perceptive man. That's why he felt grateful toward his comrades regarding his and Chizuru's situation. They never asked him anything about the matter; except Kondō, but that was also because of his 'stupid antics' and he would never do it again.

It was his problem. He would take full responsibility of the matter. Not to mention that he could feel the urge to always be near Chizuru. The idea of any man getting close to her was **not** an option.

_He wanted her for himself._

Was it lust?

Or was there something deeper in what he felt toward the only woman in the Shinsengumi?

Was it…. _**love**_?

The thought of the 'l' word made him snort. His position and occupation did not permit him to have the luxury for that kind of thing. He would only bring disaster if he allowed himself to bring that feeling inside the Shinsengumi. He was, after all, _the vice commander of the Shinsengumi._ That was enough to make anyone to think a hundred times before they wanted to get near him in a serious relationship.

_Except her._

Hijikata saw Chizuru leaning on one of the pillars in the hallway. After she regained her health from the fever, and after she wasn't allowed to do any chores (courtesy of him), he always saw that she would sit in the hallway in front of her room and would gaze in silence toward the snowy courtyard.

When he heard what she had said, his hands were itching to embrace and hug the petite woman. But he restrained himself and would only look at Chizuru from a distance. The urge to go to the woman was very strong, but he steeled his resolve and in the end he could hold it.

He didn't realize that his protective side had gone a bit overboard regarding Chizuru. He would do _almost everything_ he could to ensure her safety.

"Fukuchou."

Hijikata turned to the voice that called him. He found Saitou stood next to him, bowing his head.

"What do you want, Saitou?"

"Kyokuchou (the chief) is looking for you."

"Okay. I will go to him."

Saitou left Hijikata after that. Hijikata looked at Chizuru, who had not moved from her position leaning on the pillar, for the last time, before he turned the other way and went to meet with Kondou.

\---

Several days later, Chizuru found herself walking to Sannan and Heisuke's room. Usually the one that would bring their meals was Saitou. But he was away on duty and would not back for a long time because of things that followed after the Aburano Koji incident.

Many of the members of the Shinsengumi didn't know that Hijikata had given Saitou a direct order to join Itou when he left the Shinsengumi. Only some of them (the higher-ranking members) knew the truth and all the details regarding why Saitou left the Shinsengumi. So, when Saitou came back to join the Shinsengumi again, many of the members of the Shinsengumi were not happy and thought that he was a traitor and a coward. To the members, Saitou had left the Shinsengumi to join Itou, and then betrayed his new master when he sensed a change in fortune. Honestly, Saitou didn't care much about the animosity that he received from the other members. He knew that he just followed his superior's orders. Chizuru had once asked Saitou about this. He said that he would rather stay silent than tarnish the honor of the vice commander and the chief who had ordered his actions. But Kondou and Hijikata thought that it was not good that Saitou got all the blame. Therefore, Hijikata decided that Saitou would leave the compound until tempers inside the compound cooled down. He was assigned to protect a man named Miura Kyutaro, an official of the Kishu Domain, and would stay at Tenma.

Miura Kyotaro was an important clansman of the Kii domain who was assumed had been behind Sakamoto's death. It was assumed that Miura had arranged for the Shinsengumi to kill Sakamoto because of some incident. Later Miura had learned that his life was in danger and had arranged through Aizu for the Shinsengumi to protect him. That's when Saitou came in.

"Heisuke-kun, I bring your meal." Chizuru announced her presence. Heisuke slid his door open a little and peeked from the gap between his door and the wall.

"Thank you, Chizuru. Just leave the food outside and I will take it later. I'm not that hungry right now." Chizuru could see through the little gap that Heisuke was smiling a little at her. She had heard that since he became a Rasetsu, Heisuke's mood was mostly on the negative side. Hearing the light and usual tone that he used when he talked to her made Chizuru feel happy and sad. Happy because she could talk to her friend again and sad because…

"Chizuru." Heisuke cut into Chizuru's inner thought. He had slid the door open further, making the gap bigger. He knew what Chizuru was thinking at that moment. This was not the first time a thing like this had happened. From Chizuru's face Heisuke knew that the woman was thinking about that topic again. Chizuru had asked Heisuke about this the day after he rejoined the Shinsengumi and became a Rasetsu.

"Ye-Yes, Heisuke-kun?" Chizuru stuttered a bit. She was surprised when Heisuke cut into her inner thoughts.

"I will say it as many times as it needed. It was my decision to become a Rasetsu. I know that becoming a Rasetsu is not a good thing. But, I don't want to die yet. I would regret many things if I just died like that. Just… be happy that I'm alive and can talk to you like now." Heisuke gave Chizuru a wry smile.

"I'm happy that you're still alive and we can talk like this again, Heisuke-kun."

_'If only you know that my supposed father made the ochimizu for a dreadful and stupid purpose and nothing could ever return the Rasetsu back to be a human….'_

"Okay, okay. Stop with the heavy feelings. I don't want to talk about it anymore. The case is closed." Heisuke clapped his hands "Heavy matters are for Hijikata-san to think about."

Heisuke posed as Hijikata, folding his hands over his chest, scowling and furrowing his eyebrows. "He is always like this whenever I see him. Wonder why that face of his doesn't get any wrinkles because he always furrows his eyebrows like this."

Chizuru covered her mouth and let out a little laugh at Heisuke's attempt to pose as Hijikata.

"AH! Don't tell Hijikata-san about this okay? I would surely lose my head if he found out that I imitated him. He is more frightening than any oni I've ever met." He was _that_ afraid of that the vice commander. Rasetsu or not.

Chizuru couldn't hold in her laugh and let it out a little again. Heisuke's antics were never old. Even though her friend had become a Rasetsu, Heisuke would still be Heisuke. One of her dearest friends.

"I promise," she told him in the midst of regaining her composure. Heisuke gave Chizuru a lopsided grin.

"Okay, I will eat now. After those heavy talks, I'm hungry." Heisuke rubbed his stomach to emphasize his words.

"Hai. Here's your food." Chizuru gave a tray of food to Heisuke. "Do you know where Sannan-san is? I came to his room first but he isn't in his room."

"Nope. He always does whatever he wants. No one knows what he thinks these days. But, Chizuru, regarding Sannan-san, I want to give you some advice."

"What?" Chizuru asked, confused with the sudden change of Heisuke's tone.

"Don't get too close to him. Watch out and be careful when you are alone together in the same room." Heisuke spoke seriously.

Chizuru nodded her head, not sure why Heisuke would say something like that about Sannan. Sannan activities were indeed suspicious, not to mention with the rumors of the Rasetsu squad about what they did when they were 'patrolling'. She didn't want to think anything bad about Sannan, but it didn't hurt to be cautious.

\---

"Sannan-san?"

Chizuru waited for Sannan about an hour after she gave Heisuke his meal. Then she decided to return to her room. She told Yamazaki, who was working in the kitchen, that she didn't meet Sannan. Yamazaki told her that he would be the one to give Sannan his meal later.

When she turned to the corner of the hallway that would lead to her room, she found the bespectacled man was standing in front of her door.

"Ah, there you are, Yukimura. I am looking for you." Sannan turned his head to Chizuru when she called him.

"It's still day time." Chizuru walked a few steps and stopped at an arm's length from Sannan. She was concerned with Sannan's condition. "Are you sure you are alright, walking in the day time like this?"

"It's okay." Sannan gave Chizuru a smile. But somehow, Chizuru felt uncomfortable and uneasy with Sannan's smile.

"I also was looking for you earlier. I came to your room to give your meal but you were not there."

"I have been waiting for you in here. There is something that I want to talk to you about." Sannan's smile was still on his face. He was somewhat happy about something, which was a rare sight to be seen these days.

"P-please come inside the room first." Chizuru was nervous with Sannan's behavior but she was also concerned with Sannan's body. Rasetsu were night creatures and they didn't adapt well to the sunlight. Even though the sun wasn't bright that day, it was still day time.

"Thank you," Sannan said politely.

They entered Chizuru's room but the door was left open.

"Please have a seat," Chizuru offered politely.

"No need. I've just had a revelation. And this has made me unable to stay still." Sannan's eyes glittered with... _something_. He was still smiling but slowly that smile gave Chizuru a cold feeling that she could feel seep in through her fingers and begin to poke at the base of her spine.

"Well," Sannan lowered his voice and looked at Chizuru in a menacing way, "will you listen to what I've found?"

Chizuru nodded her head unconsciously. Cold sweat was dripping down her back.

"You're an Oni, aren't you?" Sannan began slowly. "As an Oni, you are stronger, faster, and more resilient than humans like us. That power was displayed quite clearly by the Onis who attacked us at Nishihongwanji months ago."

"T-That is true." Chizuru gulped. "But my knowledge about fighting or anything related to a battle is limited. Not like Kazama or his companions who excelled with those things."

"It's not about those things." Sannan shook his head but his eyes were looking straight at Chizuru. "It's about what you have as an Oni, not about what you can do as it."

Sannan took a step closer to Chizuru.

"W-What are you trying to say?" Chizuru took a step back, almost tripping because of the nervous feeling she felt.

"An Oni possesses immense power. And shouldn't it be a logical thought to follow that the blood which flows through your veins, the Oni veins, should be similarly powerful?" Sannan asked a question, but looked like he didn't need an answer. "Perhaps it is even potent enough to completely counteract the madness of the Rasetsu."

Chizuru didn't know how the Ochimizu worked but from Sannan's explanation, she found that it seemed logical and maybe a solution for the Rasetsu madness. Still, the eyes that were looking at her were… how could she describe it? The way Sannan had looked at her was a bit… _manic_.

"Is it true? How you can be so sure?" Chizuru took another step back.

"I have done research on the Ochimizu since before I became a Rasetsu. Your father left his research about the Ochimizu and went missing before he finished it. I was the one that took over his job and I have been researching about it since then. I know more about it than anyone else here in the Shinsengumi." Sannan also took a step forward to Chizuru. "How could I be wrong, then?"

Sannan didn't get any closer to Chizuru but he didn't leave the room either. His main purpose for coming to meet Chizuru was not done yet.

"But again, I still have to test it for myself to be sure. It's worth testing after all."

Chizuru took another step back and felt her hand touch the wall surface behind her. If she took another step, she would be trapped between Sannan and the wall. She was sure that if she tried to escape from the menacing man in front of her now, her feet would not get her far enough to call for help… she doubted she would be heard. When she walked to her room from the kitchen earlier, she didn't meet anyone on the way.

_'What should I do?'_

Sannan continued to talk as if he didn't notice Chizuru's anxiousness and fright, although these were obvious from the look on her face.

"If I am correct on this thing," he paused and gave a big smile, "oh, it would be wonderful! Your very existence could save the entire Rasetsu squad!

"...No, it could save the entire Shinsengumi!"

Sannan's eyes had grown painfully sharp and Chizuru thought that she could almost hear the barest edge of madness to Sannan's voice.

"And now…"

Calmly and purposefully, Sannan drew his sword from its scabbard on his waist and pointed the tip at Chizuru. There was no madness or bloodlust to his movements, and that only made them all more terrifying.

"Please don't be afraid. There's nothing to be afraid of." He tried in his way to sooth Chizuru, but it had the opposite effect on the frightened woman. "I'm not going to kill you or anything.

"I just want a small sample of your blood. That will be all…"

Chizuru forgot that if she took another step to back, she would hit the wall. She took another step and when her back hit the wall, she was startled. There was no way she could escape Sannan. Her body was overwhelmed with a dreadful feeling.

But… if what Sannan had said was true, then she could help the Shinsengumi. She could be a help for the Shinsengumi's members and would no longer feel useless or worthless.

The Ochimizu that Kodou had made gave the one that drank it a surge of immense power but it also took their sanity. Only a few that had survived could suppress the blood-lust that followed after drinking the Ochimizu. Sannan and Heisuke were among them. Suddenly, she remembered the night when a Rasetsu had escaped and come to her room. The man told her that her blood smelled very good and the sweet scent had lured him to her room. Maybe it was his instinct to find the thing that could save him from losing his insanity. Maybe her Oni's blood was a cure that could save the Shinsengumi's Rasetsu. That could save her friends from losing their sanity….

She only had to give Sannan _a small_ amount of her blood. He said that he would not kill her and it's not that she would die from losing too much blood. Her wound would close immediately and it would not endanger her life.

Chizuru looked back at Sannan and the man had taken another step closer to her. He lifted his katana and the steel blade shimmered in the light. She was contemplating the idea of Sannan's suggestion when suddenly a gruff voice cut into her thoughts.

"What are you doing Sannan-san?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whose voice that had interrupted Chizuru's thought? Well... we do know whose voice it is. (It's canon with the story *hint-hint*)
> 
> This chapter is a filler. At first, I want to end this chapter with Chizuru find a resolve of her inner conflict to stay with the Shinsengumi. But the chapter will be twice longer then the usual length. So, I decide that the main part will be on the next chapter. The next chapter will be mostly focus on Hijikata and Chizuru.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter. And reviews and feed-backs will always be appreciated.
> 
> See u on the next chapter.


	14. -XIII-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all readers! Hope that all of you are doing good and stay healthy.
> 
> I want to say Happy Thanksgiving to some of you that celebrate it. In my country we don't celebrate this kind of event, but still I want to say it for the one's that celebrate it :D
> 
> Here goes another new chapter. And just some _warning_... I think I kind of make Hijikata a bit of OOC for the second part of this chapter. Please tell me if I make our dear fukuchou, um..., yeah, not in his character anymore. BUT to my defense, I need to make him like _**that**_. I have made the poor Chizuru suffered of a roller coaster emotion on the several previous chapter. The girl needs all the pampers that anyone can give! And in this case, the role has landed on the oni fukuchou.
> 
> And of course, another shout and big THANK YOU for my kind and lovely beta reader **ImpracticalOni** -san. Without her this story won't be as enjoyable as it is XD
> 
> I can say that this chapter is one of my favorite scene :3
> 
> Well then, may you enjoy this chapter and all the feedback and reviews will always be appreciated.
> 
> Mikina
> 
> Disclaimer: I took some dialogue from the Hakuoki Game for Android Version and some from the Hakuoki Movie: Kyoto Ranbu. As I said before, Hakuoki and it's character are not mine.

Hijikata was on his way to Chizuru's room when suddenly he felt uneasy and halted his steps. He checked on his body, but he didn't find anything that out of the place. He started to walk again but his mind tried to pinpoint the source of the sudden uneasy feeling. Not to mention the sudden urge that he always felt whenever he thought of the only woman inside the Shinsengumi.

_'Chizuru…'_

Ever since the event in Shimabara, there were times that he felt 'weird' feelings, like the strong urge to always be near with Chizuru, or on some occasions, Hijikata could feel his desire screaming to be quenched; to do _again_ what he had done months ago in Shimabara, with Chizuru. So, whenever he felt the 'weird' feelings, somehow it always related or lead him to Chizuru.

And that's why Hijikata was certain that the uneasy feeling that he suddenly felt was _also_ related to Chizuru.

Hijikata quickened his steps unconsciously. He almost ran to Chizuru's room once he turned to the corner of the hallway that would lead to her room.

The uneasy feeling increased when he saw the door of her room was open. And he could hear a man's voice from her room. When he stopped in front of the open door and got a clear view of what was happening inside the room, his body froze.

A menacing-looking Sannan pointed his katana toward a frightened-looking Chizuru, who was trapped between the wall and the bespectacled man himself.

Hijikata couldn't describe the feelings that he felt at what he saw. He knew that Sannan _had changed_ since he became a Rasetsu. Even though he didn't want to acknowledge the change, the hostility that the Rasetsu emitted from time to time, not to mention the rumors about what the Rasetsu's squad had done when they were patrolling had made Hijikata wary of Sannan.

Nevertheless, Hijikata knew that Sannan prioritized the Shinsengumi's matters above all else. Till now, he had turned a blind eye to almost all the bad rumors about Sannan and would just give the Rasetsu a warning if what he heard was getting out of hand.

_'It is for the Shinsengumi's sake.'_

He always repeated the exact words, like an incantation, whenever he heard some bad rumors about Sannan.

But never in Hijikata's wildest dreams would he dare to imagine that Sannan would raise his katana and pointed it at the Shinsengumi's members. Much less at Chizuru, a harmless woman.

"I just want a small sample of your blood. That will be all…" Hijikata heard Sannan's exact words to Chizuru. The words that made his blood turn cold.

Sannan had taken a step forward before Hijikata decided to speak with a bone chilling tone.

"What are you doing Sannan-san?"

Sannan peered at the voice that addressed him but his body didn't move from its spot.

"Oh, Hijikata-kun," Sannan said in delight. "Excellent timing. Please, give me a hand here."

Chizuru was surprised when she heard Hijikata's voice.

"Hijikata-san…" She called the vice commander's name unconsciously in a soft whisper, while her eyes following the fukuchou as he walked slowly toward her and Sannan.

Hijikata's face was unreadable. But somehow, Chizuru could feel that the man was emitting a cold fury. Her heart was beating faster than before. She didn't know if it was from the close proximity of the fukuchou or because of the anxious and frightened feelings from the scene unfolding in front of her.

While walking toward Sannan and Chizuru, Hijikata's hand drifting near the hilt of his katana. Then with calm purpose, he stepped between them. Sannan's eyes narrowed in displeasure when Hijikata blocked his view of Chizuru. His eyes could see that Hijikata's hand was on the hilt of his katana.

"What are you doing, Hijikata-kun?" Sannan's voice matched his feelings as he said in displeasure: "Do you want to be a hindrance of the great breakthrough for the Shinsengumi?"

Hijikata moved a bit and he completely blocked Chizuru from Sannan's view. He could feel a trembling hand gripped his hakamashita tightly from the back. His eyebrows creased and he tightened his grip of the hilt of his katana.

"I will ask you for the last time, Sannan-san," Hijikata said with cold and sharp tone. "What are _**you**_ doing?"

They held each other stares. Then, slowly, Sannan gave Hijikata his manic smile like the one he had shown to Chizuru before.

"I'm just searching for a way to treat the madness of the Rasetsu. You know, for the good of the Shinsengumi," answered Sannan casually. And if it's possible his manic expression was getting _madder_.

"Then, do you want to cut her for that reason?" Hijikata tried his best not to lose his composure because he knew nothing good would happen if he lashed out at Sannan.

"I'm not going to kill her. I only need a little of her blood."

The room was thick with tension. Neither of the men wanted to back down from their stance. They were both standing still while exchanging calculating stares with each other. Then suddenly, Sannan averted his eyes and heaved a small sigh.

"We've lost so many of the Rasetsu. Not to mention that many of our human soldiers have fallen as well." Sannan's manic expression was gone and replaced with a solemn expression. "If we want to effectively utilize the Rasetsu that we have left, as well as the ones we are about to create in the future, then we must find a way to temper their madness.

"If we abandon the Rasetsu and what they can offer to us, then the future battles will only become more difficult. More of our men will die. We **need** the Rasetsu's power, for the Shinsengumi." Sannan tried to explain himself to Hijikata and make the fukuchou see his reasons.

"Everything I do is for the Shinshengumi."

Hijikata knew that all the things that Sannan had done were for the sake of the Shinsengumi. _Damnit_ , even he would do everything for the Shinsengumi, for Kondou, to strive till the end so they could be acknowledged as true samurai and not just mere ronnin! He had taken the oni title not just for show! _All for the sake of the Shinsengumi._

"I know you are an intelligent man, Hijikata-kun. Surely you understand the action that I want to take." Slowly the edge of Sannan's lips crept up and his manic smile was back.

 _Of course, he_ _**damn well**_ _understood_ , Hijikata sarcastically remarked in his mind. He also had done the same things for years now. Itou Kashitarou's assassination and the murder of Serizawa Kamo were the evidence of his resolve to become an oni for the Shinsengumi. Then again, he **never** raised his katana against innocent people who had not done anything wrong. The ones that he killed were the _bad_ ones, people that would be a hindrance to the Shinsengumi. Kondou would also not approve of his actions, whatever the reasons were, if he ever raised his hand against the innocent, moreover a woman. Hijikata's sense of justice was very high.

But now, Sannan had just done something that Hijikata hated the most. To raise a weapon against an innocent; Chizuru was an _innocent_ and a harmless _woman._ That fact alone was enough to make him to stop Sannan. But... deep inside Hijikata knew the main reason that made him confront Sannan and why he felt like he wanted to strangle his comrade. Because it _**was**_ Chizuru who was on the receiving end of Sannan's action. The dread feeling when he saw the bespectacled man pointing the tip of his katana at Chizuru almost made him strangle Sannan the moment he saw it. He knew he had to calm himself before he approached Sannan and Chizuru; a very difficult thing to do at that time.

He understood Sannan's reasons for his action. What he didn't understand was how far Sannan's obsessions for the sake of the Shinsengumi would make him go. And to put Chizuru in a dangerous situation was a big **NO** for him. Her safety and well-being was on par with Kondou in his mind…. Maybe even _more._

"This is all for the Shinsengumi, Hijikata-kun," Sannan continued, repeating his words, without knowing Hijikata's struggle. "And yet… You won't allow Yukimura-kun to share her blood?"

"...That's not what I mean."

"Oh?" Sannan's interest perked up a little. "What do you mean then?"

Hijikata released the grip on his hilt and positioned his body straight in front of Sannan. His eyes didn't leave Sannan's gaze. He spoke the next sentence as the vice commander of the Shinsengumi to his fellow comrade.

"Sannan-san, you are a colonel of the Shinsengumi. Are you really ready to break the Code?" Sannan was a logical man. Hijikata needed a valid reason to reason with Sannan. Speaking as the vice commander made him focus and think with cool head. "The Code says that we don't fight with each other, with the member of the Shinsengumi, for any reasons. You haven't forgotten, have you?"

"Ah, of course," Sannan said as if he realized something that he had forgotten. "However… Yukimura-kun is not, technically speaking, a member of the Shinsengumi, is she?"

Hijikata could hear something like a choked sound coming from the woman behind him. The grip on his hakamashita also tightened for some reason.

"She may not be officially a member of the Shinsengumi." He agreed with Sannan because it was the truth after all. "But she's been here long enough. She might as well be a member of the Shinsengumi. And I know for sure that Kondou-san and many of the members, including myself, have seen her as a member of the Shinsengumi.

"Drop your katana if you don't want to break the Code, Sannan-san. This is an order."

After that, Sannan slowly lowered his hands that held the katana. He sheathed the long and thin sword back into the scabbard. He exhaled a long sigh with a disappointed look on his face. But somehow the tension inside the room didn't lessen even a bit.

"I guess… I have no choice." said Sannan dejectedly. His mouth tugged into a small smile. "I will leave for now, then. But please consider what I've said."

The smile on Sannan's face was creepy and cold, and made Hijikata's hands unconsciously reach toward the katana on his waist. He watched him closely, ready if Sannan decided to pursue Chizuru's blood again.

"There's nothing to be considered. We can't cut her and take her blood for any reason. It will be against the Code." The thought of seeing Chizuru wounded, even if it was just a scratch, made the dread feeling came back again. The _very unpleasant_ feeling that he didn't want to feel as long as he still lived. "Even if there are reasons, it won't change anything. Besides, even if I change my mind, Kondou-san will never let you do it."

There was a pause before Sannan spoke his next words.

"It's an easy decision for you and Kondou-san to make in this matter. You don't have the same investment…. in _**this**_." Hijikata could hear the pain and desperation from Sannan that the colonel masked in subtle tones. "Many of our men, the Shinsengumi's members, have become the Rasetsu. And recently Todou-kun has become one also. That's why I encourage you to consider what's best for your comrades, _your friends_ , when you make your decision."

Sannan's words cut like a knife, deeper than anything he'd said before, and made Hijikata cringe inwardly. Sannan turned and started to head for the door but Hijikata's words halted his movement.

"Wait Sannan-san."

Sannan didn't turn; he just stood not moving from where he was.

"Can I ask say something to you?"

"I'm listening."

"You reasoning is correct. It always has been. But… Sannan-san, tell me you aren't doing this because the blood-lust has taken your mind." Hijikata's voice was strained, as if he were pulling it up from somewhere deep within his soul. "Tell me that some sick desire to taste her blood isn't what is driving you to do this."

 _'Please, tell me it isn't,'_ Hijikata pleaded in his mind. He didn't want to believe that one of the men that he respected had degraded himself and succumbed to become a blood sucking monster; a creature that the Rasetsu originally was. When he decided to step in between Sannan and Chizuru earlier, there was also one thing that he wanted to make certain of. Whether Sannan was still the same Sannan Keisuke that he knew or not. There was no hostility for all of Hijikata's actions and questions toward Sannan. Yes, he was angry, but he was also curious. He just wanted to be sure of the Sannan that stood before him now.

"Can I trust you?"

Another silence ensued. Not to mention the stifling tension that had slightly increased.

"Before I answer your question, can I also ask you something Hijikata-kun?"

Hijikata raised one of his eyebrows. He didn't expect Sannan to answer his question with another. "What it is?"

Sannan turned a bit to face Hijikata. He was smiling, but his smile didn't reach his eyes. "As you know, since around the beginning of this year there has been some weird tension that has lingered around the Shinsengumi's Headquarters. I don't need to tell you from where that weird tension came. You **know** exactly where that thing came from. And honestly, it's not my business to get myself involved with it.

"But some of the members were affected by that tension. I don't know if you have heard it or not, but there were two of the Rasetsu's members whose minds were not strong enough and that tension made them almost lose their mind. I had to kill them myself before they started to bother the other Rasetsu."

Hijikata eyes widened, a shocked expression plastered on his face. He had never heard a thing about what Sannan told him now.

Likewise, with Chizuru. Her eyes were widening and if not for one of her hands gripping Hijikata's hakamashita, she would surely have fallen. The shock made her legs weak. She closed her eyes and bit her lower lip, disheartened with the sudden information. The incomplete bond between her and Hijikata had made the others unconsciously suffer without her knowledge. _More_ than she could ever imagine. Something unfortunate had happened because of her…. **again**.

_'Kami-sama….'_

"Good thing that the weird tension has disappeared. I was ready to do something drastic if that tension still lingered around the Headquarters. It's not good for the Shinsengumi's members after all, Rasetsu or not." There was a mad glint when Sannan talked about the drastic action that he would take. "But from what I've observed, there is one thing that hasn't changed and if I dare to say, that thing…. That _someone_ has changed in a way and become more intense."

Sannan looked straight into Hijikata's eyes. "Hijikata-kun, this action of yours, stopping me from taking Yukimura-kun's blood, defending her from me. It is not because of what I think, is it?

"Not because of the conclusion that we were talking about in the common room before you stepped into that room a few days ago, is it? I knew you were listening to our conversation before you stepped in. You wouldn't give Saitou-kun permission to beat Nagakura-kun when they were sparring later that day if you didn't have a valid reason for the action.

"So, can I trust you on this one?"

"..."

Hijikata was speechless. No other expression could describe what he felt except that he was at a loss for words and didn't know how he should reply to Sannan.

 _'Not this question_ _**again**_ _!'_

"Then, my answer is the same as yours. But to ease your mind, _of course_ you can trust me Hijikata-kun. As I've said before many times, my only concern is for the Shinsengumi. _Only for the Shinsengumi._

"I'll see myself out, then." Without another word, Sannan turned his body and headed for the door. "Goodbye. I'll see and talk to you again later"

Sannan ducked out of Chizuru's room and walked away from there.

Hijikata released a sigh of relief and relaxed his shoulders. The bowstring-tight tension inside the room was gone, mostly. He could no longer feel a hand gripping his hakamashita. He turned toward Chizuru to see how she was faring.

"Yukimura, are you-"

But he was greeted with Chizuru's body falling to the ground. With his fast reflexes, he caught her before she completely fell. He held Chizuru's arms and helped her to stand on her feet.

"You okay?" Hijikata asked his unfinished question. He eyed her with worry and concern. The woman only nodded her head a little. Her bangs covered her eyes, so that Hijikata couldn't see her facial expression clearly. But he could feel that Chizuru's body was trembling from the hands that held her body. Well, he couldn't blame her. The previous event had been really nerve-wrecking. Even his nerves had not completely calmed down. He gazed upon the woman in front of him.

Honestly, he wanted to _hug_ her. To _embrace_ her. To _ensure_ that she was safe and alright. To _**comfort**_ her. He scowled a bit at his train of thought. Inside, he questioned himself on how he had become a man full of desires and lust?

 _'Focus Toshizou!'_ He reprimanded himself.

After contemplating his thoughts, he released his hold of Chizuru's arm but one of his hands held one of her wrists and gave it a gentle pull. "Come with me."

Chizuru didn't resist Hijikata's action and just gave him another nod, without voicing her thoughts. The two of them slowly walked out of the room with Hijikata leading Chizuru to the place in his mind.

\---

"I'm sorry."

The first words that Chizuru uttered after the event was an apology.

Hijikata brought her to his room that was not far from her room. Since she had been assigned as his page from the beginning, the one that was 'forced' onto him to be honest (courtesy of Okita), Chizuru's room was always near to Hijikata's. It was the same at the new Shinsengumi Headquarters in Fudodo Village.

Hijikata brought Chizuru to his room for two reasons. One, so no other person could disturb them. And two, for him to be in the woman's room, an _unmarried woman's_ room was not proper. Even though they had _done_ it…. It was… just NO. Furthermore, his gut told him that he couldn't leave Chizuru alone. She was very distraught because of what had happened. He needed to make sure that she would not do something stupid.

Since Hijikata had brought her to his room, she hadn't spoken and just sat inside the room silently. The day had changed into night and dinner time was approaching. Hijikata stood near the door, facing the yard that was in front of his room. He had stayed there since they arrived. Fortunately, he had done his paperwork in the afternoon and didn't have anything that required his supervision for the rest of the day. He could watch over Chizuru as long as necessary.

He had expected that she would apologize. He sighed inwardly.

"There's no need to apologize," Hijikata said in knowing tone.

"But," Chizuru bit her trembling lip, "it was because of me that all the unfortunate things happened to the Shinsengumi."

Her mind flashed over all the unfortunate things in the Shinsengumi that had happened because of her. The last event with Sannan was the last straw. "If… If I stay here any longer…. I-

"I will just become a burden." Chizuru choked back a sob that threatened to escape her mouth. She shut her eyes tight, preventing the tears that had welled up in her eyes from streaming down her cheeks.

"I… I do not deserve to stay with the Shinsengumi."

Hijikata head was pounding and throbbing.

"I don't have the right to remain with all of you." Her chest tightened and gave her a twisted pain. She bit her lip harder. _'Even though the bond makes us have to stay near with each other… I don't have the right to stay with you, Hijikata-san.'_

"I….. I should leave the Shinsengumi."

Chizuru's last sentence made Hijikata turn and look at Chizuru, who was now doubled over. Without given any thought he strode to Chizuru and crouched himself beside her. He lifted her face.

"Look at me, Yukimura," Hijikata said solemnly. Chizuru eyes still closed but a choke sound escape from her mouth.

"Open your eyes and look at me. This is an order." With a soft tone and patience that he never displayed to others, Hijikata tried to persuade Chizuru to open her eyes. But her eyes stayed closed. He heaved a small sigh.

The next thing the vice commander did was something that did make Chizuru open her eyes and look at him.

With his free hand, Hijikata cupped one of Chizuru's cheeks and talked to her once again with a very gentle voice. "Chizuru, look at me."

Chizuru opened her eyes, surprised at hearing her first name from the man in front of her. But the look that greeted her was the one that made her breathless.

Hijikata looked at Chizuru with the **same** look that he had given her that night in Shimabara. She could never forget the longing and desire that reflected in the man's eyes that night when they shared their passion. Hijikata's gaze was not as intense as that night, but the longing and desire that were looking back at her now….

Hijikata was a wreck inside. He tried with difficulty to remain composed and not focused on his desires and the dreadful feeling he'd had when he heard that Chizuru wanted to leave the Shinsengumi. He had to restrain himself not to downright jump and scare Chizuru with the raging feelings that burned inside him now. Before he knew it, his body had turned and walked toward her. He could barely control his body when he crouched beside her. Instead of doing what he intended to do first- to _hug_ her and _kiss_ her senseless, and to make her his _**again**_ \- he opted to lifted her face to look at him. However, his hand was shaking from the suppressed desires that he could barely control.

"Hijikata….-san." Chizuru whispered softly. They were so closed that she could feel his breath on her face.

"Listen carefully to what I will say. And you better remember it because I will not say it again." The gentle tone and Hijikata's kind gesture made Chizuru almost throw herself into Hijikata's arms. She wanted to feel those sturdy and strong arms envelop her body again like that night months ago.

"You are not a burden." A lone tear escaped from Chizuru's eyes. "Even though I found you to be a nuisance in the beginning, I never thought of you as a burden. You are more than that. You are the member of the Shinsengumi. Not officially, but who says that you should be an official member to be called of one of us? In my opinion, as long as the other members have acknowledged you, it's more than enough." Hijikata wiped Chizuru's traces of tears with his thumb.

"I…. We said that we would protect you." Hijikata's face turned serious. "You know that we, the Shinsengumi, all of us are Samurai. And a Samurai doesn't go back on his word. A man who breaks a promise just because something has changed isn't a man.

"All the things that happened with the Shinsengumi are not your fault. Since the beginning the Shinsengumi have had a bad reputation. That was thanks to some jerks that made us deserve a nasty reputation." Hijikata spoke bitterly, remembering a certain someone. "And about Kodou-san. He was the one that thought about the whole Rasetsu business. You wouldn't even know about it if you hadn't stumbled on one. The Rasetsu matters have been our problems before you came to the Shinsengumi. Kodou-san's idea is indeed insane, but once again, it was him that thought about the idea, not you.

"About Kazama and his Oni companions. Kazama is working for our enemies, the Satsuma and Chosu clans. That makes him our enemy, whether he is an Oni or not. What sort of warrior doesn't fight his enemies? You being a female Oni that he's after is just a coincidence. Not the main reason for why we fought with his group of men.

"The Shinsengumi members are not weak. They knew about the consequences of what they will face if they join the Shinsengumi. Death is not something that they are not expecting. It is just a question of who will die or what situations cause us to meet our death.

"Nobody ever blames you for the unfortunate incident that happened within the Shinsengumi. The only one that blames you is yourself."

The tears that welled up in Chizuru's eyes were flowing freely now, cascading down her white cheeks.

"You once asked me if you could stay with the Shinsengumi. Before I answer your question, you have to tell me one thing first." Hijikata cupped Chizuru's cheeks with both of his hands. "What is it that you really want? If you really want to leave, I…. I won't hold you back.

"Or do you want to stay with the Shinsengumi? To stay with us?"

_'To stay with me?'_

Chizuru placed her hands on top of Hijikata's. She was sobbing openly. She gripped Hijikata's hands tightly. She closed her eyes, too overwhelmed with the feelings that she couldn't hold in any longer.

"I...I want… to stay. I… want… to stay with the… Shinsengumi. To stay… with all of… you. To be with… all of you…. I don't want to… leave. This… This is…. my home. I…. don't want to…. leave." With her sobbing and broken voice, it was a bit hard to hear what Chizuru had said. But Hijikata could hear it loud and clear in her voice that she was saying what she felt deep inside her heart.

"Chizuru," Chizuru opened her eyes and stared straight into the purple eyes that were inches from her. "It's true that we…I made a promise to protect you. And I **will** protect you." Hijikata said with conviction.

"But that's not the only reason for why we will do it. You care for the people here. You would fight for us. And as I told you many times, you are a member of the Shinsengumi. I'm sure the others also think the same, that's enough reasons for you to deserve to stay in here.

"And for me… I want for you to stay with us." _With me._ " You can stay, not leaving the Shinsengumi, and you have earned it yourself. And that's my answer for your question."

"Hiji-kata…-san. I…." The feelings that she had bottled up for months were now pouring out, like a dam that had broken and she couldn't hold any of those feelings anymore. "I don't want to leave! I… I want to stay!"

With wet, half-lidded brown eyes, Chizuru gazed back into Hijikata's purple eyes.

"...I want to stay… with you."

_'Is this woman trying to seduce me?'_

Hijikata pulled Chizuru into his arms and embraced the crying woman. She hugged Hijikata tight while pouring her heart out from the depressed feelings that she had felt the past few months. The safe and secure feelings that Hijikata's arms provided for her had undone the knot feelings that made her suffocated.

No other words were spoken but again, words were not needed. Hijikata would think about and berate himself for his actions toward Chizuru later. He knew that if not for Chizuru's distraught state, she would question his actions of hugging her not to mention the soft gestures that he had shown to her since they were talking from the beginning. It was a good thing that he could restrain his desires and was satisfied enough with only embracing her. _For now._

Conscience be damned.

But again, if not for her distraught state, he would not dare to do the things that he had done and shown to her.

_'Tch.'_

Chizuru knew that Hijikata's action was not the thing that he would do in his usual state. Even in her distraught state, she knew that this Hijikata was someone that she wouldn't meet again in the future.

_'Maybe the bond is the one that made him acted like that. So, it just a one-time thing and not his true feelings. He just takes a pity one me. But….'_

Chizuru didn't know from where the doubt had come, _but_ she could feel and know that there was more than just the bond that made Hijikata act as he did toward her. For now, she didn't want to indulge in these thoughts. She was exhausted and the comfort that Hijikata provided to her was the one that she needed. She didn't want to care about anything except for the man that was embracing her.

_'This is enough for now.'_

They stayed in that position for sometimes. Oddly enough, nobody came to Hijikata's room. Not even one person had passed in front of the fukuchou's room. Usually Kondou would come to Hijikata's room from time to time, not to mention that it was dinner time. Yamazaki or Inoue or even Harada or Nagakura would often come to inform him about the dinner time. But…. _Nobody_ come to his room.

Oh, well….

Suddenly, Chizuru pulled from Hijikata's embrace.

Hijikata released Chizuru, albeit a bit reluctantly. Already, he was missing the warmth of Chizuru's body. He could feel the front part of his hakamshita was damped from Chizuru's tears but he didn't care about the dampness. He was glad that she was no longer crying. He could see that she had calmed down and regained her composure. Her crying had stopped completely. But the woman was sitting in front of him with her head bowed. Hijikata raised one of his eyebrows.

_'What now?'_

Before he could ask Chizuru his question, Chizuru gave him another apology.

"I'm sorry for troubling you Hijikata-san!" said Chizuru with a hoarse voice, courtesy of her previous crying session. From where he sat, Hijikata saw that Chizuru's ears were red and he bet with all his fortune that her face was now red like blood; maybe because she had realized and was burning from the embarrassment of the hugging that they did. One word flashed in his mind.

_'Cute.'_

_This woman_ … what had she done to him to make the infamous oni fukuchou think like that? He cleared his throat, which had suddenly become dry because of the things that he wanted to do with the woman who sat in front of him, because of what she had made him think of….

 _'Damnit Toshizou!_ _**Focus!**_ _'_

"Please, if there is something that I can do for you to repay your kindness and to show my gratitude for helping me with my problems…. Please tell me if I can do it for you!" Without knowing Hijikata's struggle to keep his mind in check, Chizuru continued with her attempted apology.

"…."

Chizuru didn't hear any reply from the fukuchou, instead she heard him move and felt his fingers touch her chin and lift her face to meet his eyes, again. The warmth of his gaze met her pleading eyes.

"Didn't you hear me when I said that you've given us enough help and you have also taken care of the members?"

"...I did."

"Then what is with this help nonsense you are talking about now?"

"It… It is just to repay the kindness that you've shown me… I just want to give something back to show you my gratitude, Hijikata-san."

"... Then do not bow your head easily. You didn't do anything wrong. Why should you bow your head if you didn't do anything wrong?"

"I… understand."

"Hold your head high. You're not doing anything wrong. Don't yield so easily or ever bow your head if you believe that you're right. You don't need to bow your head before me again just for the things that are already water under the bridge. You are not my page, Chizuru. You are my comrade in the Shinsengumi. Yes, I am your superior, but it doesn't mean that you and I are not the same. You have done things that a woman of your age would never do and have gained the respect and acknowledgement of the members of the Shinsengumi.

"If it's not for an official matter, don't ever your bow your head again. If you always keep bowing your head, all that you will see will be the past and the mistakes that you have made. Keep your head high so you can see the prize that you will win if you keep walking straight toward the future."

And once again, Chizuru found that she was falling for the man whose name was Hijikata Toshizou, the vice commander of the Shinsengumi. Such strong and confident words that she knew only Hijikata would say and he would be the only one that would do it without failing.

"Hai," said Chizuru firmly.

Hijikata retracted his fingers and placed them on his lap. "But if you want to help me so much… I guess you can make me some tea."

"Tea?" Chizuru was taken aback with Hijikata's sudden change of attitude.

"Yes, the tea that you usually make. For some reason, I want to drink that now. Oh, and please tell Yamazaki to bring my dinner to this room. Looks like they are forgetting about my shares of food. Ask for your shares also. I know that you haven't eaten since lunch."

Chizuru blinked several times before Hijikata's words sank in. She offered the man a small smile. "I understand."

Slowly she got up from her sitting position. Her legs were a bit asleep, but that didn't hinder her. "Please excuse me then."

"Don't screw up the tea. There's some document that I have to check after this. Your tea will be the key and the Shinsengumi's fate rests on this tea." Hijikata was lying of course. He didn't have anything to do for the rest of the day, but what Chizuru didn't know would not hurt her. He was just really craving her tea.

Chizuru heard Hijikata's parting words. She looked at Hijikata with her smile still tugging on her lips.

"Hai...Hijikata-san."

Chizuru bowed before exiting the man's room. Before she completely out from his room, she turned and called his name while gave Hijikata her sweet smile. "Hijikata-san."

"Yes?"

"Thank you. Really… thank you."

Hijikata stared silently to Chizuru, stunned with the smile that she gave to him.

Chizuru wanted to say something else but she decided to hold her tongue. She didn't wait for the fukuchou's response and walked out from Hijikata's room. If she stayed any longer inside the room, the next words that she wanted to say would get her into trouble.

The words that she knew she would never be able to say to him. The words which she had held deep inside her heart. The words of her feelings.

That's why she would say it just inside her heart…for now.

_'And I love you, Hijikata-san.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think on this chapter? Please tell me your thoughts on the review ;)
> 
> Just to inform you, I don't know if I can update the next chapter on the next month. My schedule is rather busy for these two months (October and November). But I will try to use my spare time to make the new chapter.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading this chapter and see u again on the next chapter :)


	15. Omake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers!
> 
> I'm sorry that this is not a chapter. You have to wait for next month to read for the real new chapter. This is just an Omake, and a very short one. This month is the hardest month for me during 2017. I have many things to do, and there are some people that I've known for long were passed away. It's very depressing for me and not to mention that I also got sick. So, please understand my situation and be patience.
> 
> This Omake is about what happened with the captains while Hijikata and Chizuru were having their moment. Anyone curious? :3
> 
> I hope you enjoy this short side story :D
> 
> And of course, BIG thank you to my beta reader... THANK YOU ImpracticalOni-san!
> 
> Mikina

"You go,"

"No. Why don't YOU go?"

One eyebrow raised.

"And get tangled in that _tension_? Sorry, but I still value my life very much."

Two pairs of eyes exchanged gazes, stubborn with their stances.

"You are Rasetsu, aren't you? You should be strong enough to withstand the pressure of the tension."

"Don't play that card on me!" A voice was raised in annoyance, "It doesn't matter whether I'm Rasetsu or not. The tension is strong enough to make me lose my will and strength. I. Won't. GO!"

" _Tch_! Where is Saitou when we need him."

"I guess if Hajime-kun were here, he also wouldn't be willing to go in there."

"...So, how can we start our dinner? Toshi and…. Yukimura-kun will not be able to join us for dinner, I guess."

"Hmm…"

"How about we start without those two? I'm hungry and I don't want to wait any longer for them to realize that they are making us wait because they are doing their _thing_ again."

"But—"

"We have waited two hours for them and no one dares to go near Hijikata-san's room. Our food has gone cold. It's getting late and they are not children to be looked after. If they are hungry, they will eat later."

"I agree. I don't think Hijikata-san and Chizuru will join us for dinner today. And if they are hungry later, there's still some food left in the kitchen. I will ask Yamazaki to keep the extra food for them."

"...Okay then. If all of you say so. Let's eat."

Dinner in the common room had never been that _quiet_ ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's really fun making this kind of conversation. There are six people in common room. I think you can guess who's the one that talking in the Omake ;)
> 
> See u next month and always, reviews and feedback are appreciated.
> 
> Jaa~


	16. -XIV-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I promise before, I'll be back with a new chapter. And here I present to you guys the next chapter! 
> 
> For this chapter, I want to dedicate it to my lovely beta reader **ImpracticalDemon** -san and **DancesWithSeatbelts** who also have helped me on proofreading and editing this chapter. These two lovely persons have somehow successed on fulfilling my selfish request, which is to release the new chapter on Christmas (I just finished on writing the story yesterday!). They had pulled an all nighters on helping me to edit this chapter. Please give a big plause for them! THANK YOU SO MUCH!
> 
> I hope you will enjoy this Christmas present I prepare for you! 
> 
> And Merry Christmas to all of you guys :D
> 
> Mikina
> 
> Disclaimer: I took some scenes in this chapter from Hakuoki Movie: Kyoto Ranbu and some dialogues and information from the Hakuoki's game Android version. Clearly, Hakuoki and it's character is not mine.

Chizuru stood in front of the stove to check if the rice was cooked enough or not.

 _'Hm… It needs five more minutes to be done.'_ After that she took the vegetables that she had washed before and began to chop them. She worked alone inside the kitchen. It wasn't her shift to work in the kitchen, but she decided to prepare the food for the others, for all the Shinsengumi's members. Why though? Because the others were busy with the preparation for the upcoming battle. The Shinsengumi were in the middle of a war, which later would be known as the  _Battle of Toba-Fushimi_.

While preparing the food (she wanted to make onigiri), Chizuru's mind drifted to the events that happened not too long ago. In the short span of time between her encounter with Sannan and,  _ahem_ , her  _little intimate_  moment with Hijikata (she could feel the blush that crept to her cheeks; she always felt giddy and embarrassed when she remembered that event) and now, even more events had happened.

There was movement in the political world. An order was given to begin the Imperial Restoration. The Shogunate era had come to an end. The Emperor would be restored to power and his court would once again rule the nation. The position of Shogun was abolished and Kyoto's Military and Judiciary Commissioner positions were eliminated. All that the Shinsengumi had fought for and believed was falling to pieces...

Also, Kondou and Okita were wounded. Kondou got shot when he was on his way back to the Shinsengumi Headquarters from Nijo Castle. He was riding a horse with some of the members walking beside him, when out of nowhere there had been a gunshot and next thing Kondou knew his right chest was burning with pain, blood was pouring from his chest and he was collapsing onto his horse. His wound was severe enough to threaten his life back then.

No one knew who shot the bullet, but it was highly suspected that the one who did it was someone from the Satsuma and Choshu Alliance.

And for Okita... He became a Rasetsu. Apparently, he heard the news of Kondō being shot. Hijikata didn't want for the First Captain of the Shinsengumi to know about this news, but word spread around the compound before the fukuchou could stop it. Then, one night when Chizuru came to Okita's room to check on his condition (Hijikata asked Chizuru to check on Okita), she found the room was empty. She also found an empty vial with small traces of its previous contents beside Okita's bed. Chizuru knew then that Okita had drunk the Ochimizu and likely went out to get revenge for Kondou. Everyone that had known Okita long enough must have known his affection toward the Chief of the Shinsengumi. It wasn't a strange thing for him to seek out vengeance for Kondou Isami. Chizuru exited Okita's room and brought the empty vial. When she met Hijikata she told him the situation and showed him what she had found. The two took off immediately, looking for the newborn Rasetsu. They found him unconscious on an empty street with gunshot wounds. There were also a few corpses of Satsuma and Chosu soldiers scattered around Okita's unconscious body. It looked like Okita had acted in revenge for the attach on Kondou, but the question was, who had injured the Rasetsu? Later, Hijikata carried Okita to the Headquarters and he asked Yamazaki to treat Okita's wound.

When Chizuru looked at Hijikata later the same night when they stood not too far outside Okita's room, she had a hunch that the fukuchou was blaming himself inwardly. Even though his face didn't show any of his emotions, the clenched hands and the way his eyes looked straight ahead, cold and sharp at unseen enemies, showed how Hijikata was suffering inside. She wanted to ease Hijikata's heavy feelings, as he had with her previously. But she also knew that if she blatantly expressed her worries for him, he wouldn't admit it. So, in her subtle way, she dared herself to brush her hand against his clenched one. He turned his head to look at her. She didn't speak or turn her head to look back at him. She just stood in silence beside him.

Nothing happened and they were in that position for several minutes. Hijikata then turned to walk away, but Chizuru could hear the solemn word which he said only above a whisper before he left.

_"Arigatou."_

Since her intimate moment with Hijikata, even though her bond was still incomplete, somehow… she could feel that something had changed. Like how with just that one word she  _knew_  that Hijikata's inward turmoil had lessened, and he was not as tense and hurting as before. She knew that the man had caught the feelings that she conveyed but didn't say it out loud. That  _he was not alone_ ; that  _he could tell her what was on his mind_ , if he wanted; that if  _he pondered on the blame and guilt too long, it wouldn't do him any good_. The pull to complete the bond was there, as strong as before. But again, somehow the bond had become something that wasn't a bother anymore. Before, she always dreaded that the bond would be a hindrance and would trouble their life. She remembered the atmosphere and the high tension in the compound during the first couple of months after they had 'accidentally' bonded at Shimabara. She tried as hard as she could to control her desire to be always with Hijikata. It  ** _was hard_** , but she could manage it in the end.

Chizuru didn't know that the reason she could control her desire for Hijikata -at last- was because the man himself  _had become able_  to control his desire for her. Hijikata's talk with Kondou when the chief visited him in his room had helped him released a little bit of his built up tension, which had built up because of the secret that he couldn't speak of to a soul: of the fact that he and Chizuru had slept together. He could manage his feelings again after that talk. Neither realized that it was because of each other that they had managed to control their desire. And it would be only much later that these two would learn and know that their feelings were affecting each other, because of the bond.

"Ouch!" Chizuru cut one of her fingers. A trickle of blood flowed from the cut. She brought her cut finger to her mouth and sucked the blood that came out. The blood tasted bitter in her mouth; just like her feelings when the New Year came that time.

When the New Year was just around the corner, the Satsuma and Choshu Alliance formed an army and marched on the capital. There were some matters that the alliance found intolerable from the resigned Shogunate and that's why they decided to attack Kyoto. In response, the Shinsengumi moved to the Fushimi magistrate's office, and prepared for war. They had pledged their loyalty to the Shogun and they would serve their masters untill the end.

It dampened Chizuru's feelings to hear that the Shinsengumi would go to war. She had never liked violence, much less a war, where many people would get injured and some of them would lose their lives. In all her life, the time which she spent with the Shinsengumi's members was one of the happiest times of her life, but it was also one of the saddest times that she had experienced. Nevertheless, she never showed this weak side of herself to the members. She didn't have any right to be weak. She really,  _really_ ,  ** _really_** , wanted to help the Shinsengumi. They were  _her family_. With the little support she could offer, she tried her best to help the Shinsengumi's members for the war. Since Yamazaki was busy assisting the captains in the battle, Chizuru took over his job to treat the wounded soldiers. And she also decided to take kitchen duty as her responsibility. She wouldn't be able to help in the front line, that's why she would support the members from behind, to provide any need they might have.

Chizuru pulled her finger from her mouth. The blood had stopped flowing. And because of her being an Oni, the cut was already healed without leaving a scar. Her thoughts drifted again to her talk with Heisuke from the other night. She met the Eighth Captain of the Shinsengumi when she came to visit Okita outside his room.

 _"Heisuke-kun,"_  Chizuru greeted Heisuke.

 _"Chizuru? What are you doing?"_  Heisuke asked her, while he closed the door of Okita's room.

 _"I came to check on Okita-san. Yamazaki-kun is busy with assisting the other captains so I thought I could take over his job to look after the others' health,"_  answered Chizuru.

 _"Oh…. Souji is sleeping. I came to have a little chat with him earlier. You know, about, 'that'_ _thing."_

Chizuru knew what Heisuke referred to, about Okita being a Rasetsu now. Hijikata had asked Okita once where he got the Ochimizu, after the latter regained his consciousness and was well enough to be asked (interrogated). Sannan had denied that he was the one who gave Okita the Ochimizu. But when Hijikata asked about this, the latter didn't say whom he had received the Ochimizu from. He just said that Sannan was not the one who gave him the Ochimizu.

Heisuke looked at the yard in front of Okita's room. He let out a small sigh and said,  _"Souji told me that he drank the Ochimizu and became a Rasetsu because he wanted to be useful. His illness has hindered him to be useful for the Shinsengumi, for helping Kondou-san."_  His face turned wistful,  _"I know exactly how he feels about wanting to be useful for the Shinsengumi. This place… is the only place that has accepted us for who we are. The only place where we…. where I can call home."_  Heisuke finished in a longing tone.

Chizuru had heard the rumor about Heisuke's background story, about him being an illegitimate child from Todou's family. She didn't give much thought about the rumor. Although she couldn't do much with Heisuke's family issues, she could relate to finding the Shinsengumi a home. She knew that feeling very much.

 _"That's why I want to be useful for the Shinsengumi. I don't want to die yet, even though I have to become a Rasetsu in the end."_  Heisuke said the Rasetsu word in distaste. Him becoming one didn't mean that it would change his mind of what kind of creature the Rasetsu was; a monster.

Talking about Rasetsu made Chizuru remember the news that she just heard.  _"Heisuke-kun, is it true that Sannan-san wants to augment the Rasetsu squads?"_

Heisuke turned to Chizuru with an uneasy look. His face was clouded over.  _"Ehm, eh, yeah…. Of course."_  Heisuke said in heavy tone.

_"What do you think of this matter, Heisuke-kun?"_

_"M-me?"_  Heisuke was surprised by Chizuru's question. No one had ever asked his opinion about Sannan's actions regarding the Rasetsu squad. Sannan was the one that usually handled every matter that related to the Rasetsu. So, he was caught off guard by Chizuru asking his opinion.  _"Well, I… Hmm…"_

Heisuke averted his eyes from Chizuru. He looked everywhere but at the woman. Of course, he had his thoughts about this issue. He never voiced his thoughts out loud because it contradicted the things that he had done as a Rasetsu and he felt that he was being a hypocrite.  _'But Chizuru will never judge you for whatever things you have done.'_  His inner thoughts told himself. He looked back at Chizuru. The female oni was still at the same position with the same expression as when she had asked the question.

_"You want my honest opinion?"_

Chizuru nodded.

_"I don't agree with most of Sannan-san's decisions about the Rasetsu squad. But, I am a Rasetsu. I did decide to drink the Ochimizu, to prolong my life. But… I'm not gonna lie, I'm worried about what will happen to me. If I don't do this, what can I do? Isn't this the purpose of the existence of the Rasetsu?_

_"The Rasetsu squad already exists. We can't pretend it doesn't. And this is the right time to make the squad useful. It doesn't matter what I think of this matter. I still have to do it and I will do it."_

Thinking about the Rasetsu always made Chizuru feel guilty. Fortunately, she could control this feeling and didn't dwell on the guilt longer than she should; courtesy of Hijikata.

She continued her cooking while wondering how long the war would last this time - and hope that it would end soon.

\---

Hijikata was in a bad mood. If not for the dire situation that they were in, he would surely follow what his mind told him to do.

To  _punch_   **everyone**  that dared to cross their line of action. Either they were stupid or foolhardy, he didn't want to know. One thing he knew was they had tried his patience on the things that they shouldn't have.

 _Who_  was Hijikata angry with?  _What_  had they done to anger the fukuchou and turn on his oni switch?

He made a mental list of who had grated on his nerves the most, for the past several weeks.

The first was Okita.

Honestly, it wasn't a strange thing anymore for Hijikata to get annoyed with Okita. Their history had gone back to the Shieikan's time. But this time, it took the cake. The  _baka_  had turned into a RASETSU, for a reason that the fukuchou could -somehow- understand.Hijikata knew that Okita wanted to get revenged for Kondou. He also wanted to get his hands to the someone who had made Kondou like that and he would make sure the person responsible for Kondou's injury would wish for death rather than meet him. BUT, the  _baka_  had beat him to revenge. Not only that, he had been shot with a silver bullet - the weakness of the Rasetsu. And for whatever  _damn_  reason, Okita didn't want to tell him who had given him the Ochimizu and who had shot him. Good thing he didn't lose his composure and strangle the sick man right there and then.

He had a hunch. The person who gave Okita the Ochimizu and later shot him with the silver bullet was the same person, whoever the jerk was.

The second was the Satsuma and Choshu Alliance.

He really didn't understand what else these greedy people still wanted. With only  _that silly_  reason, of something that they found intolerable from the resigned Shogunate, they incited a war. As soon as Hijikata heard the news, he called Saitou from his assigned duty and gathered the entire Shinsengumi group into the assembly hall to give the direct order that they would be going to Fushimi. They would prepare for war, a battle between them and the Satsuma and Choshu Alliance. Kondou was still bedridden then, so he took over as vice commander to lead the force.

How greedy and hungry for power could these people be? What else did they want? Not to mention the foreigners who were increasing each day in Kyoto, which Hijikata didn't like one bit. The war that frankly speaking should be easy, with victory was already in their hands because of their advantages, was gone, because the enemy used westerner's weapons and tactics. In the end, the Shinsengumi were at a tremendous disadvantage with their traditional weapons only; using katana and spear. If they were fighting sword against sword, the Shinsengumi would emerge as champions. Being samurais were not in name only, their skills were top notch.

Hijikata gritted his teeth and closed his eyes when he remembered the third person who had pissed him off.

In the middle of the war, when the Shinsengumi was in the Fushimi magistrate's office, an uninvited guest came. Well, two uninvited guests, to be exact.

The self proclaimed demon princess; Sen-hime and her bodyguard, the ex-maiko, Kimigiku.

The princess came to tell him about the Shinsengumi Rasetsu recent activity; of them attacking innocent people for sparring partners and of them murdering people on the street to test their strength. And it came as shocking, dismaying news to Hijikata. Sannan had told him about his thoughts of wanting to augment the squad. But he didn't know how he would augment the Rasetsu. When the fukuchou learned Sannan's method to strengthen the Rasetsu, honestly, he was speechless. Sen and Kimigiku  _strongly suggested_  that Hijikata disband the Rasetsu squad.

_'It is not as easy as it sounds, damnit.'_

Sannan and Heisuke, also now Okita, had become Rasetsu. What should he do? What about his companions, his comrades, if he were to disband….  ** _to kill_**  the Shinsengumi Rasetsu?

Then the princess DARED to ask Chizuru again to come and join with them. Hadn't they already covered this issue the last time these two visited the Shinsengumi? Sen-hime said that now the situation had changed (about the upcoming war). That's why she came and asked Chizuru,  _again_ , to leave the Shinsengumi and join them.

Yeah, the war would soon break out in Kyoto. Yeah, Chizuru was a woman and she would maybe get injured - or the worst, she could die (Kami forbid that). And  _yeah_ , it would probably be safer for her to go with these two female oni. He knew and understood their situations already, thank you very much.

But….

**BUT!**

Hijikata felt like there was a feral animal that wanted to be released from inside. Chizuru was  ** _his_**.  _No one_  should ever try to take her away from him. Even though this thoughts would disturb his line later, becoming so possessive and territorial over Chizuru when the woman was not really his (Chizuru was a free woman to do whatever she wanted), his instinct, his  **desire**  was the one that compelled his actions. He sent a cold and murderous glare to the two female oni. He didn't say a word. But the two must have caught his message loud and clear with the way he looked at them. In the end, Chizuru didn't go with them.

_'Good riddance.'_

The words flashed in Hijikata's mind when he saw Sen-hime and Kimigiku leaving the magistrate's office.

Later, for the rest of the day, Hijikata followed Chizuru around  _wherever_  she went. He even debated with himself whether he should stay at Chizuru's side, and sleep near the woman when night came. The pull to be near with Chizuru was very,  _extremely_  strong...

In the end, he opted to train his body until morning near Chizuru's room at the Fushimi magistrate's office. This or he had to take a cold bath to calm his body and mind. And with his past records, it was obvious which one he would take.

And that was the top three on Hijikata's list of who had grated on his nerves the most. No one else was brave enough to get close to the fukuchou when his oni mode was in full blast.  _Well_ , except for one person.

"Hijikata-san."

Hijikata was sitting alone at an empty table in the Fushimi magistrate's office hall. He looked to his right where Chizuru was standing, her hands carrying a tray of onigiris.

"Please take one of the onigiri," Chizuru offered to Hijikata.

He was hungry. He hadn't eaten anything since yesterday. Nevertheless, if there were food, he would prioritize wounded soldiers to be given food first. Then the other Shinsengumi members, and then the captains. He always insisted on being the last person to be look after. He was their leader, and it was his responsibility to take care of his subordinates.

"Give to the others first. I can still manage," said Hijikata.

"Don't worry, I have made enough for the entire force," replied Chizuru with a small smile. "The others won't take the food if you don't take yours first. So, please."

Hijikata contemplated Chizuru's words, then he looked around the hall. All the captains that were in the room (Harada, Saitou, Nagakura, Inoue) stood not far from Hijikata's table. They nodded to agree with Chizuru's words. His eyes returned to the woman beside him.

"What about you? Have you eaten?"

"Like I've said already, I made enough for the entire force. My share was included in the count. And yes, I have eaten my share." Chizuru assured Hijikata.

_Growl~_

"Shinpachi, can't you do something about that sound?" Sano teased his fellow captain. The growling sound was from Nagakura's stomach.

"Shut up! I can't help if I'm hungry and my stomach is asking to be fed," complained the Second Captain of the Shinsengumi. "Hijikata-san, please take the onigiri. If not, the others will not let me eat. And we know that you haven't eaten anything today. If you don't want to be confined in the same room with Souji, you'd better take care of your body in this bloody war."

Saitou nudged Nagakura with the hilt of his sword for his disrespectful way of talking to the fukuchou - hard.

"Itai!" yelped the brawny man, "What the hell was that for, Saitou?!"

"Please take the onigiri, fukuchou," said Saitou, ignoring Nagakura's exclamation.

"Toshi-san, Isami-san won't be happy if you neglect your health," added Inoue.

Hijikata sighed, and in the end took one of the onigiri, but he didn't eat.

"I will take one then," said Hijikata in a solemn tone. "Thank you for the food, Yukimura."

"You are welcome, Hijikata-san. Don't forget to eat the food." Chizuru walked to the other captains to give them their shares of onigiri.

Hijikata's eyes followed Chizuru's movements until the woman was out of his sight. He looked at the onigiri in his hand.

_It was warm…._

And somehow his bad mood had lessened a bit.

_\---_

_Growl~_

"As I thought, you were lying when you said that you'd eaten already."

Chizuru whipped her head around to look at the voice's owner who stood not far behind her. The woman knew by heart who the voice belonged to without looking. "Hijikata-san."

Chizuru had been washing the dishes that she had used for her cooking at the back of the magistrate's building. Then suddenly her stomach had let out a growling sound - that was when Hijikata had come into the picture. She felt her cheeks turn red, embarrassed from getting caught in her lie.

"Sorry…."

Chizuru didn't realize that the fukuchou had followed her since she'd left the hall to distribute the rest of the onigiris. Something had told Hijikata that Chizuru was lying to him when she'd said that she had eaten.

"What are you saying sorry for?" Hijikata approached Chizuru, "It's me who should say sorry for not realizing your burden."

"I'm okay!" Chizuru said frantically, "You don't have to worry about me. And… I'm not lying when I said I've eaten. It's just…" Chizuru looked at her fidgeting feet.

"Just what?"

"Just…. Not enough to satiate my hunger." Her cheeks got more red at her little confession. They were in the middle of a war. They didn't know how long the war would last and their supplies of food were limited. She prioritized the Shinsengumi over herself - she could manage, and so far no one else had noticed her actions.

 _'I'm not a good liar to begin with. How foolish of me to think that I can deceive a perceptive man like Hijikata-san with my lies.'_ Chizuru berated herself inwardly.

"Is that the truth, or are you just getting better at telling lies?" Hijikata inquired.

"It's the truth," Chizuru looked up into Hijikata's inquiring eyes, "I was never good at telling lies and you know it." For any lies the woman had ever told Hijikata, most of it was found out immediately - especially if he was the one that she had lied to. This time was no exception.

"Okay, I believe you," said Hijikata. Then he reached from inside of his haori and took out the onigiri from before. He handed the food to Chizuru, "Eat this."

"No! That's your share! You haven't eaten anything since yesterday." Chizuru rejected the offer and shook her head vigorously. "I'm okay, Hijikata-san. It's not a big deal. I have been able to hold my hunger since the war started and I know I can also manage this time too."

Hijikata raised one of his eyebrows at Chizuru's last sentence. "You have been holding back your hunger this whole time?"

Chizuru bit her lower lip. It hadn't been her intention to let Hijikata know about this information. In her panicked state of imagining Hijikata would not eat, Chizuru's mind jumbled and she didn't filter her words. It would be terrible if he gave his food to her and failed to replenish his energy; this was very dangerous while they were in a war.

Even though it was subtle, she could hear the angry tone that laced Hijikata's tone.

"...Sorry."

Hijikata wanted to face-palm.

"Don't say sorry if you don't mean the word," reprimanded the fukuchou, "Next time, if you feel hungry, don't cut your shares for the others. This is an order."

"...I understand," said Chizuru in a meek voice.

Hijikata opened his shares of onigiri (it was covered with a bamboo leaves) and divided the food into two. He ate one part and gave the other to Chizuru, "Now, eat this."

"But-"

"Or should I shove it into your mouth?" Hijikata ignored Chizuru's protest. He stared at the petite woman unblinking.

Chizuru took the rest of the onigiri from Hijikata's hand reluctantly. She stared into Hijikata's hard gaze. "Arigatou-gozaimashu," Chizuru said. She took a little bite of the ongiri. When she swallowed the food, she then realized how hungry she was. In less than a minute the onigiri was gone.

Hijikata wanted to laugh at how eagerly Chizuru took every bite.

 _'She looks like a chipmunk with those puffy red cheeks when she ate,'_ Hijikata thought amusedly. When Chizuru finished the food, she didn't realize there were some grains of rice stuck to her cheeks. Hijikata stretched his right hand and wiped the rice from Chizuru's cheeks.

"You eat like there's no tomorrow, you know," Hijikata said with a wry smile, while he ate the leftover rice. The gesture made Chizuru's cheeks redden (she swore she was a living tomato from the red of her cheeks) if that was possible. A beautiful shade of red, in Hijikata's mind.

"...Sumimasen," said Chizuru, embarrassed.

"It's good that you know. Just don't try this foolish act again. You are part of the Shinsengumi. We will survive this war together. I promise."

_'It will be over my dead body if I let something to happen to you.'_

"Hai," replied Chizuru.

"And don't over exert yourself," Hijikata patted Chizuru's head then turned to leave the woman.

"You too Hijikata-san."

Hijikata didn't turn around to reply and kept walking. He waved one of his hands instead and that was a good enough answer for Chizuru.

"Please be safe," Chizuru whispered her quiet prayer, "all of you."

\---

During the war, the Fushimi magistrate's office was set on fire and the Shinsengumi had no choice but to retreat from Kyoto. Cannons pounded the Fushimi magistrate's office and the ground of the building shook with each impact. The situation was terrifying.

The decision to retreat was a hard one. Hijikata had to swallow a bitter pill making that decision. If they got stubborn and stayed to continue the war, the Shinsengumi could be wiped out. It was a dire life or death situation. All the captains said to Hijikata that the situation was not in their favor. They had done all they could, but the result was negative. There was nothing else they could do…. Except retreat. They were helpless against the firearms of the Satsuma and Chosu Alliance.

The Shinsengumi was Hijikata's life. His and Kondou's dream. That's why being defeated was  ** _hard_** to accept. The fukuchou ordered the retreat with a long, ragged sigh. His knuckles turned white. His eyes were burning with fury.

"We're pulling back," commanded Hijikata, "But we haven't lost. They will pay for this."

Chizuru didn't know if the others noticed Hijikata's eyes were not only burning with fury. She could see the bitter and desperate agony behind those purple eyes.

They couldn't win this war alone. They needed reinforcements. Hijikata's intention was to send Yamazaki or Shimada to ask Yodo Castle for help. The castle's master was known to have an allegiance with the Shogunate after all.

"Please, let me be the one to ask for the reinforcements."

The woman had heard the conversation from the beginning. To be honest, all the members were exhausted and barely had energy to walk back to headquarters. Not to mention many of them were injured. That's why she offered herself for this task.

"No," Hijikata answered.

"Please, Hijikata-san!" implored Chizuru, "Please, let me help! It's not a hard task. I just have to go to the castle and ask for Yodo's master to send reinforcements. It's not like I'll be throwing away my life or have to fight a dangerous enemy."

"..." Hijikata furrowed his brows, deep in thought.

"Toshi-san, I will go with Yukimura-kun," said Inoue, cutting into Hijikata's thoughts. "It should be okay if one of the captains go, isn't it? Even though it's just me."

"...Alright. I will wait for the good news you two will bring." Hijikata agreed in the end with a heavy heart. Chizuru and Inoue soon departed for Yodo Castle.

There was this uneasy feeling that tugged at Hijikata's heart. The fukuchou hoped that his decision to let Chizuru go to Yodo Castle to ask for reinforcements was the correct one.

He didn't know how wrong he would be. Not long after Chizuru and Inoue left the magistrate's office, Hijikata received news that the master of the Yodo Castle had changed his allegiance from the Shogunate to the Imperial forces.

He felt his heart drop to his stomach. He left to go after Chizuru and Inoue after hearing the news. He had never run as fast as he did at that moment.

' ** _CHIZURU!_** '

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I rambling a bit? I did all the editing for this chapter with my phone. And what a pain in the ass it was. My laptop is broken and I won't be able to use it for unknown time. Good thing I didn't store my stories in there. If not, I would flip, really. I also type half of this chapter on my phone. It's not that I hate to do it on the cellphone, but I would prefer to type with the computer's keyboard. So, this chapter is really one hard chapter to write.
> 
> Enough of my ramblings.
> 
> How do you think of this chapter? My favorite part is, of course, Hijikata and Chizuru's moment. But I have fun on writing Hijikata's ramblings.
> 
> Reviews and feedbacks are always appreciated.
> 
> See u on next year and once again, Merry Christmas!
> 
> Jaa~


	17. -XV-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers!
> 
> Hope that all of you are doing good and stay healthy while you are waiting for this (late) chapter! I know that this chapter is late. My excuses are works and works... Classic I know. And because I have one more story to be written (and if you also read my Kuroko no Basuke's story, _Virtuoso_ , I KNOW that I haven't updated that story too!). That's why, please look at my AN at the end of the chapter.
> 
> I won't prolong any longer with my ramblings...
> 
> And always a BIG THANK YOU to my beta for editing this chapter **ImpracticalOni** (Thank you Oni-chan!) and **DancesWithSeatbelts** (Thank you for the help on editing half the chapter!). Without them this chapter won't be as good and as enjoyable as it is now.
> 
> May you enjoy this chapter :D
> 
> Mikina
> 
> Disclaimer: I took some dialogues and scenes from Hakuoki Game, the Android version one and from the Movie: Kyoto Ranbu.

_Pant. Pant. Pant. Pant._

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Do you want to take a rest?"

"No, it's okay Inoue-san. I'll be alright. Besides, we can't afford to stop."

Inoue looked at Chizuru with creased brows. They had been running for the past hour so they could be at Yodo Castle as soon as possible. When Hijikata gave his permission for Chizuru to go to the Yodo Castle to ask for reinforcements, Inoue and Chizuru didn't waste any time and soon they departed the Fushimi magistrate's office. The Shinsengumi was doing poorly and they really needed help.

Suddenly Inoue stopped and turned to Chizuru, "Yukimura-kun, I think we need to slow down."

"What?" asked Chizuru, confused with the abrupt stop.

Inoue didn't give any explanation to Chizuru. Instead he walked to one of the large rocks and sat on top of it. Chizuru wiped the sweat from her brows and took a deep breath.

"Please sit here," Inoue patted the space on his right side for Chizuru to sit. The woman forced her throbbing feet to move, slowly walked to the large rock and sat beside Inoue. Chizuru then realized how tired and weak she felt. She had been tending to the wounded soldiers of the Shinsengumi before she heard Hijikata's words about asking for reinforcements from Yodo Castle. Her little energy had been depleting fast from all the hard work she had done. She took another deep breath to calm her raging heartbeat from all the running.

Chizuru glanced at the older man next to her and gave a sheepish smile, "Thank you Inoue-san."

"Now I know why Toshi-san didn't give his permission for you to go alone. When you are set on doing something, you really don't give any thought to your surroundings; much less yourself, Yukimura-kun. Since I became a captain in the Shinsengumi, I have seen a such behaviour amongst the young recruits. And it has been my responsibility and job to look after my subordinates so they won't get reckless." Inoue gave a tender and fatherly smile to Chizuru, "And looks like you are no exception."

"Sumimasen," said Chizuru, feeling embarrassed. A red colour burst on Chizuru's cheeks.

"It's okay. Even Toshi-san and the other captains also have their own moments of being reckless. And some of them are still doing it now."

"I know." They shared a tiny smile while they remembered one of the captains (Nagakura) 'antics' of being reckless. And then, they let out a laugh remembering the glare that Hijikata gave to the brawny captain which made him let out a bucket of cold sweat because of what he had done.

 _"_ _We are in the middle of a war, Shinpachi. So,_ _ **please**_ _refrain from acting stupid with your-so-called bravado and not beating our other members with sparring. Or, should_ _ **I**_ _also become your sparring partner?"_ That had happened on the first day, when the Shinsengumi arrived at the Fushimi magistrate's office. Long story short: Hijikata found Nagakura and all the second members division _stretching_ their muscles by sparring with one another. In the end, they were the ones sent for guard duty; some of the members faces were black and blue courtesy of their sparring session.

Chizuru had regained control of her breath. Looking at Yodo Castle, her face turned solemn, "Inoue-san?"

"What is it, Yukimura-kun?"

"Do you think the people from Yodo Castle will help us?" Chizuru asked wearily, glancing at Inoue.

"They have to. We need the help." Inoue answered her, but Chizuru heard the uncertainty laced in Inoue's tone. His face also gave away the anxiousness that he felt with their situation. "Honestly, I don't want to see Toshi-san's face like the one he showed before we left." Inoue paused before he continued, "I've been with him for a long time. I know how hard it was for the man to admit we had to retreat... One loss is enough," Inoue said mournfully while he was looking at the sky.

Chizuru agreed with Inoue inwardly. She gave a small nod at Inoue's last sentence. Back then, when Sen-hime and Kimigiku visited her and asked her once again to come and join them, she had warned the young woman of this condition. _"This is a war Chizuru-chan. And looking at the situation, I can say that this one isn't in your favor. The Shogunate era will come to an end. Everyone who has been backing the Shinsengumi till now will no longer be able to give their support. Either you are going to swim or sink; disband the force or be killed in the process."_ Sen gave a wistful smile to Chizuru, _"I hope that the captains in the Shinsengumi won't be their stubborn selves and will consider the rational option rather than following what their gut told them."_ Chizuru didn't know what to say. She realized what Sen had told her was an indisputable fact; of the Shinsengumi's situation and of the way the Shinsengumi members would react. An unknown fear slowly crept into Chizuru's heart.

_"_ _Chizuru-chan?"_

Chizuru shifted her focus back to Sen.

_"_ _Are you alright?"_

_"_ _Osen-chan… Is it wrong for me to hope that they will be back safely and none of them injured? When I think that one of the members of the Shinsengumi could be wounded and for them to risk their life… It really scares me."_

Sen grabbed Chizuru's hands and she squeezed the latter's hands to comfort her.

_"_ _They are my friends, my comrades, my family. I really don't want them to come to any harm. But… this war is not only a war to defend the Shogunate. Their pride…. Their belief…. The things that they have fought for from the start, their foundation… That is what this war means to them. I can't simply tell them not to be reckless. Because I know that they will not just submit their fate to the new era and not fight with all they have for their belief. If they lose this battle… I can't imagine what face the Shinsengumi will show, of losing all the things that they have fought for till now. The captains… Hijikata-san won't let their belief to end just because of the name of a new era."_

Chizuru didn't want to acknowledge the fear that she had felt since first hearing about their situation. While she went and stayed in the Fushimi magistrate's office, she still hoped that the war wouldn't escalate to the worst and somehow, the Shinsengumi would win the upcoming war. But when Sen told her directly about their condition and situation, she knew then that she had to confront her fear before it consumed her fully. Not that she wanted to face it, more like she didn't have any other choice.

Sen, Chizuru and Kimigiku were standing in front of the Fushimi magistrate's office gate. The Oni princess looked at the man that stood not far from where they were; sending his sharp and cold stare straight to them. The oni-fukuchou had stated that their visit was not welcome, especially when he knew that Sen and Kimigiku's intentions were to ask Chizuru again to come and join them. The gestures of his body language; his arms folding in front of his chest, not to mention the way he stared was clear enough for Sen to get the message. To go away and never come back.

 _'_ _I'll never imagine the intensity of the bond will escalate this far. Back then, even though he had showed us that he didn't like our presence, he never blatantly expressed his hostility like the way he shows us now. Something must have happened between him and Chizuru.'_ Sen thought, looked back to her friend. _'The fear that Chizuru-chan feels, it must be the effect of the bond.'_

Sen gave Chizuru a slightly sad smile. _"Chizuru-chan,"_ Sen began softly, _"The fear that you feel right now is not completely because of what will happen to the Shinsengumi. Of course, you will worry for their wellbeing and hope for their safety. I have seen firsthand how strong your bond is with the Shinsengumi after all."_ Sen referred to how the captains reacted when she came previously to take Chizuru away _. "And surely the situation will make you feel distressed and anxious. But… this fear, this unknown fear that has crept to your heart and nearly suffocated you, it's because of what_ _ **happened**_ _between you and him. And sadly, I can't tell you what you can do to lessen it._

 _"_ _But I will tell you one thing."_ Sen narrowed her line of vision to the Shinsengumi fukuchou. Their eyes met briefly before she looked back to Chizuru. _"Do you know that my ancestor eloped with a human?"_

 _"_ _Eh?"_ Surprised, Chizuru blinked with the information.

 _"_ _Her name is Suzuka Gozen. She fell in love with a human by the name of Sakanoue Tamuramaro and followed him to the capital. And I, in fact, am their granddaughter,"_ Sen said with a smiling face. _"Back then the scandal was really a big one, not to mention the chaos my ancestor had caused when she eloped with a human. She was an Oni, a princess in her clan, but she chose a human to be her partner. Two different creatures, an Oni and a human, to be together was a thing that was uncommon and could be thought as forbidden to be happened. The human and the Oni were not supposed to be together, less to have a romantic relationship. And her status also was not helping. Even though at last they could be together and the fact that I am here is an irrefutable proof of their love, the things that they had to go through, the trial of their love was very hard._

 _"_ _What I want to tell you is, your condition and my ancestor's condition are the same. The two of them were also in your_ _ **condition**_ _when they went through all their trials."_ Sen referred to Hijikata and Chizuru's bond. _"But, instead of letting worry and fear consumed them, they chose to let one feeling to overcome all the anxiousness and it was what allowed them to endure the trial till the end."_

Sen gave Chizuru a knowing smile and gave another gentle squeeze. _"You told me that you love him. Hold onto that feeling and let it lead you to support the Shinsengumi and to support him. Your love is not doomed to failure. I just hope that you will tell him about the situation that happened between you and him, Chizuru-chan."_ The princess spoke to her friend with a solemn and serious tone, _"I have told you that this is a life and death situation. If somehow, he dies in the upcoming war, and leaves you behind…."_ Sen shook her head. _"You know what I mean."_

Chizuru nodded and gave her friend a promise that she would try to find a right time to tell Hijikata about their bond in the near time…. _Hopefully._ She hugged Sen and sent her friend and her bodyguard away after that.

Thanks to Sen's words, the fear that she felt at first subsided. Not entirely, but at least it wouldn't haunt her and she could give her full support throughout the war. She poured out her love into the support which she gave to her friends and family…for the man who she _loved_ dearly with all her heart.

But even then, her love was not enough to support the Shinsengumi winning the war. The look on Hijikata's face when he had to give the order to retreat had made her heart clench in pain. It was like she could feel the pain that Hijikata felt at that moment; which was true because of their bond, but she didn't know about this information and would learn about this in the future.

"If only Isami-san is here, instead of me…. Yodo Castle will surely lend us their reinforcement if Isami-san is the one to ask, as the Chief of the Shinsengumi. "

Chizuru turned to Inoue and the man offered her a kind yet strained smile.

"Inoue-san, you shouldn't talk like that!" Chizuru admonished the older captain. "You are one of the captains of the Shinsengumi. Hijikata-san wouldn't send you if he didn't have confidence that you will succeed with this mission."

"... You are right. If there are still ways for me to be useful to the Shinsengumi, I will do it without a second thought. Toshi-san would never send me away if he didn't have trust in me." Inoue offered another kind smile but it wasn't strained anymore. "Rather than to also look after you I guess."

"Inoue-san…" Chizuru blushed with embarrassment. Inoue chuckled when he saw Chizuru's red cheeks.

"Thank you, Yukimura-kun."

"You're welcome, Inoue-san."

"Then, let's keep our hopes up, shall we?"

"Hai."

They got up and resumed their walk to Yodo Castle without any delay after that.

\---

At last Inoue and Chizuru reached Yodo Castle. The thing was, Yodo Castle no longer supported the Shogunate. They had changed their allegiance to the Imperial forces. What awaited them was a fortress, full of enemy soldiers.

Inoue had felt strange the moment they arrived and didn't see any soldiers guarding the front gate. His instinct told him to be on guard and when one of the soldiers aimed a gun from the castle's window at them, he grabbed Chizuru's wrist and dove, avoiding the bullet. They ran to the nearby forest and hid behind the trees.

Chizuru was shocked by the shot, but the older captain assessed their situation calmly. "Either they've already been overrun by the rebels, or they don't want to ally the side they think is going to lose. We need to get back and report this to the others and Toshi-san. It's clear now that they're no longer our allies. As grievous as this information is, they need to know." Inoue grimaced with his words. "It's also dangerous to stay here. The longer we stay here, the more danger I'll put you in."

"But…" The shock from the shot had made Chizuru slow on processing Inoue's words. When she fully grasped the situation, she felt dread and anxiousness come on full force. "But if we leave, then what's going to happen to Hijikata-san? What's going to happen to the Shinsengumi?!" She panicked and the look from Hijikata's face, the bitter and agony she had seen, flashed in her mind. "L-let's just try and talk to them! If we explain what's going on, I'm sure they'll understand and will help us!"

And for the first time since Chizuru joined the Shinsengumi, Inoue's kind eyes glared at her.

"That's enough!" Inoue said sternly, "I also want to go back to Toshi-san and the other with the reinforcements as much as you do! But please also understand that my job here is not only to ask for help, I also have to make sure that you are safe and protected. If something happens to you now, then I won't have a will to face Toshi-san. And that will have made me fail him twice, not being able to bring reinforcements from Yodo Castle and not protecting you."

Chizuru felt herself wilt under Inoue's angry words and glare. She realized she hindered Inoue's performance of his job. But before she could wallow in self-pity and blame herself, the older captain continued speaking, but this time the anger had subsided and had been replaced with concern.

"And it's not because of you. Even if I go by myself, I would return immediately and tell the others of this news so we can think of another plan to aid the Shinsengumi."

Chizuru could feel tears pricking her eyes. Inoue was not angry with her. His tone was not an angry one, more like a reprimand one would give a child over a mistake that the child had made.

"I understand," Chizuru bowed her head and covered her teary eyes.

"Now, let's go then."

Chizuru followed Inoue and they left Yodo Castle. They were silent on their journey back to the Shinsengumi. Chizuru didn't dare open her mouth, afraid that all that she could utter were endless apologies. Her mind had acknowledged Inoue's words, she just had to make her heart and feelings also see the logic and not feel useless or a failure-

"Don't worry about it."

Chizuru's mind snapped from her thoughts, and when she looked at Inoue, the older man was walking to where she stood. He looked at her with the same kind gaze he always had. Her feet had stopped in the middle of the road apparently. The captain had to walk a couple of steps from his previous position to reach the distraught woman.

"Inoue-san…" The tears that were welling up in Chizuru's eyes threatened to fall. She brushed them away roughly before Inoue stood at arm's length in front of her.

"This is Toshi-san that we are talking about. I'm sure he'll come up with an amazing plan and surely he will turn this whole thing around." Inoue laid his hand on Chizuru's shoulder and gave it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. "Please calm yourself. If you show up and the others look at how distraught you are, it will only dampen their spirits more and that is not a good thing to happen during a time like this. Also, I think Toshi-san won't be happy to see this state of yours."

Chizuru focused on the warmth of Inoue's hand on her shoulder and the words from the older captain. ' _I have to be strong! There's no time to be weak. I have to support them… to support Hijikata-san with all my strength!'_

And Chizuru began to calm down and regained her composure.

"...Thank you, Inoue-san. And sorry that I can't offer any help for this situation."

"Like I said before. Don't worry about it. Who knows? Maybe Toshi-san already predicted this kind of situation and made a backup plan." Inoue reassured Chizuru again. His kind smile was still plastered on his face.

_'_ _Inoue-san's smile and hand are very comforting. Like what my father used to give me ….'_

"Your smile and hand are so warm, Inoue-san. It gives me comfort and I feel like right now my father is the one that is comforting me." Chizuru felt wistful and nostalgic for her own father, Yukimura Kodou. Whatever her father had done and whoever he was, she still thought of Kodou as _her father_. "I recall when I was a child, my father used to stroke my head with his hand, especially when I was sad."

Inoue blinked, and his hand dropped to his side from Chizuru's shoulder. He observed Chizuru from head to toe, as if he had just seen the woman for the first time.

"A daughter, huh? ...Well, I guess it wouldn't be strange a man of my age to have a daughter of your age, Yukimura-kun."

"S-Sorry! Did I perhaps say something rude?!" Chizuru panicked and fumbled her words when she realized that she might have offended Inoue.

"No, no! Certainly not." Inoue shook his head. "It's the opposite, actually. I would be honoured and very glad to have a cute daughter who is also selfless like you." 'The father' gave his 'daughter' his fatherly smile. Chizuru felt her cheeks blush at Inoue's words.

"I-I am n-not like what you have described me as, Inoue-san…. You have made me blush too many times today." Chizuru stuttered, fighting the embarrassed feeling of being described as cute.

"I'm just stating a fact though." Again, Inoue put his hand on Chizuru's shoulder and squeezed it lightly. "Let's go then. The others are waiting for us and will get worried if we aren't back soon."

"Hai."

Chizuru and Inoue resumed their way back to the rest of the Shinsengumi; their bodies engulfed with a warm feeling for different reasons (amusement for Inoue and embarrassment for Chizuru). They hadn't walked too far when they saw some soldiers standing several feet away from them.

"Someone's over there," Chizuru muttered.

It had taken several hours for Inoue and Chizuru to arrive at Yodo Castle. By the time they left Yodo Castle, the sky was already beginning to turn red and the sun had begun to set. The soldiers they met were standing with their backs to the setting sun. They narrowed their eyes a bit because they were blinded by the light of the sun. By the time the two could adjust their vision, they saw one of the soldiers was raising his hand and a gun was aimed at them. A shot was heard.

"Watch out!" Inoue pushed Chizuru to the side and a loud groan escaped his mouth a moment later. His shoulder had been hit by the shot. He fell to the ground, clutching his wounded shoulder.

"Urgh!"

"Inoue-san!" Chizuru shouted. She tried to get near the injured captain, kneeling beside him to look at the wound.

The soldiers -turned rebels- sneered at the two from where they stood.

"Light blue robes? They are the Shinsengumi, huh?"

"We should take their heads, then later we can get nice rewards."

"That's a good idea."

There were three rebels standing before them. The three wore the same manic and mocking grins plastered to their faces. Two of them were approaching Inoue and Chizuru while their hands were drawing the katanas on their waists from their scabbards.

"You are rebels!" Chizuru said angrily, her eyes glaring at the attackers.

"So what if we are," one of the rebels answered, with a mocking tone.

"Y-Yukimura-kun…" Inoue grabbed Chizuru arms and tried to lift his body. "Don't provoke them more than necessary. Stay back." Inoue spoke with difficulty. The shot didn't hit a vital organ, but blood was flowing from the wound and the older man already felt light-headed from its loss. He realized that he couldn't fool himself; his life was nearing its end. _'At least I have to protect Yukimura-kun!'_

"Inoue-san…" The older captain stood in front of Chizuru. He drew his katana and aimed the tip at the rebels.

"You have to go back," said Inoue. Each breath that he took was painful, and his body was staggering. "And please tell something to Toshi-san for me." He tightened his grip on his katana hilt and focused his eyes on the enemy in front of him. "Please tell him that I apologize for my weakness… And that I hope that he'll forgive me for not staying with him to the end."

Chizuru held back a sob that was threatening to leave her mouth. _'No… Don't say that.'_

"I don't have the words to thank him enough for giving a man like me the chance to be a part of something." Inoue turned his head a bit to Chizuru and gave her one last kind smile. "Leave this to me."

After that, Inoue charged the rebels with a fierce outcry. "HAAAAA!"

"INOUE-SAN!"

Inoue attacked one of the rebels with all his might. His katana met the enemy weapon with a clang and for a second he managed to make the enemy take a step backward. But the other rebel stabbed Inoue from behind and the body of the Captain of the 6th division of the Shinsengumi went limp and then fell to the ground.

Inoue's half lidded eyes stared at the ashen Chizuru from where he lay, while he offered a last prayer that the woman would run and be safe before a last blow ended the life of the older captain.

Chizuru's body froze. Her face paled from the whole scene that unfolded in front of her. She bit her lower lip till she drew blood, but she didn't feel the pain from the cut. _'Why…Why…?'_

The rebels were slowly approaching her again.

"Another one and after that we'll get a big reward for killing the enemy of the Emperor!" Manic laughter followed, after the rebels said what was in their minds.

Tears were flowing from Chizuru's eyes. Tears of anger. She gritted her teeth hard and slowly got up from her kneeling position. She drew her kodachi and pointed the tip at the rebels.

"You abandoned your comrades when you saw that they were going to lose the war. And you dare to call yourselves warriors. Samurai. None of you deserve to be called samurai!" Chizuru's eyes turned gold and her hair turned white. The rebels' eyes widened a bit.

"W-What's this?!" yelled one of the rebels in fright. "What kind of creature are _you_?!"

"Tch! A Shinsengumi is still a Shinsengumi. Just kill it and we'll still get the reward!" shouted the other rebels.

"HAAAAAA!"

Chizuru braced herself and prepared to defend herself with the blade in her hand. But a figure dashed from her behind and slew all the rebels in one swing.

"AAARRGGHHH!"

The rebels fell to the ground, blood flowing from their mouths and pouring from their wounds. The figure that had slashed them with his katana swung his blade once more to get rid of the rebels' blood and sheathed his blade in its scabbard. He turned, and a pair of golden eyes met another pair of the same color.

Chizuru eyes widened at the person, the Oni in front of her. "...Kazama-san…" She reverted to her human appearance. Her hands dropped to her sides, still gripping her kodachi.

"I told you before that Oni and human can't coexist. You've seen for yourself how that ridiculous fantasy of yours has brought you to this unfortunate event. Where is that human, the Shinsengumi captain who _dared_ enough to say to me that he would protect you, huh?" The mockery in Kazama's tone was something that Chizuru expected. But it surprised her that Kazama was the one who had helped defend her from the rebels. It never occurred to her that the one to save her would be _him_.

"Ariga-"

"Surely, you have changed your mind about staying with this shameless and useless creature, haven't you?" Kazama cut Chizuru off when she wanted to thank him. He approached Chizuru confidently. In a quick motion, he was beside her already and his face was just an inch from hers. Chizuru gulped and took a step backward. "The humans are failing. I know you are a smart woman. It's time to leave them and join me, to be my bride." Kazama's face was getting nearer Chizuru's.

"L-Living with the Shinsengumi is not ridiculous," stuttered Chizuru. She tried to sound brave and convincing. "They have been protecting me, and even though this event is an unfortunate one, I won't leave and will stay with them always." Chizuru stared straight into Kazama's golden eyes. Determination reflected in her eyes. "I won't join you or anyone else."

_'_ _Certainly not to become your bride. Never.'_

Kazama straightened his body and stared back at Chizuru, his face void of emotion after another rejection.

"I see that you still care for these human… for these insects."

"Wha-"

"And looks like my thought of you being a smart woman is mistaken. Only a foolish woman would reject my kind offering as many times as you have." Kazama added in haughty tone, "Or have you been poisoned while living with these insects?"

"Shut up!" Chizuru could no longer listen Kazama's insults about the Shinsengumi.

"What? Why are you so angry?" One of Kazama's eyebrows lifted. "Don't tell me that you are this upset just because of this insignificant man?"

"Shut up!" Chizuru took several steps back, distancing herself from the male Oni. She raised her hands and pointed her kodachi at Kazama. "I considered them as my family. You have no right to be bad-mouthing my family!"

"Family? You really have weird taste to have ever considered these insects to be at the same level as the Oni," scoffed Kazama. "Really, I'm disappointed."

"Kazama-san, I'm grateful that you saved me from those rebels. Can you please leave now? You don't have any more business here after all."

"Who said that I don't have any more business here? My business is not finished yet." In the blink of an eye, Kazama had narrowed the distance between them, and next thing Chizuru knew, her hand had been struck, making her drop the kodachi. Kazama grabbed her wrist and held it in tight grip. " _You_ are my business."

"Let me go!" Chizuru tried to pull her wrist from the Oni's grip but her strength was no match for Kazama's.

"I'm only interested in taking you with me. Your value as a pureblood Oni woman is very high. It was never my intention to kill those rebels. I could care less which side they took and what their role was. For me, humans are all the same. They were just getting in my way and killing them is a bonus for me." Kazama pulled Chizuru toward him and their faces were nearer than before. "I thought that with all the things that happened around the humans, you would realize that it's no use to be around them again. And I can easily convince you to come with me."

"Whatever happened around the humans, around the Shinsengumi, will not make me leave them ever! Nor will I come and join you! Please let me go!" Chizuru spoke vehemently. She wriggled her wrist to loosen Kazama's tight grip. Suddenly, Kazama released his grip and made Chizuru fall hard.

"I really hate when someone tries to go against me. And _you_ , that's exactly what you always do." Kazama was annoyed. "Or should I educate you to _never_ again go against my words?"

A shiver ran through Chizuru's body. The Oni in front of her had showed her nothing except that he was arrogant and selfish. She didn't want to imagine what he would do to _educate_ her. With how pushy and perceptive Kazama was, she was afraid that the Oni would know about her situation with Hijikata; about their bond. Even though Sen had told her that no one would ever know about the bond except the two persons who had made it, her gut was telling her that Kazama would somehow figure it out on his own. Making Kazama angry was _not_ a thing that she wanted to do.

"I'd rather die than let you do whatever you want to do to me!" stated Chizuru fiercely.

"Would you?"

"Don't test me!" Chizuru brought her kodachi, which she dropped before, and positioned the blade in front of her neck. Slowly she got up from the ground, her eyes didn't leave Kazama's hard stare.

Kazama narrowed his eyes, his expression unreadable.

"Why are you so adamant about rejecting to be with me? Is it so abhorrent for you to be with me?" Chizuru almost blinked, didn't believe on what she just heard.

"What are you talking about?" asked Chizuru, confused with the _unlike_ -Kazama words.

"Something must have happened between you and the humans. Something that makes you so adamant about not leaving them. Something crucial that involves a life and death situation." Kazama spoke his thoughts out loud.

"Kazama-san, what are y-"

"Did you bond with one of them?"

Chizuru's eyes widened. Her hands dropped to her side. Cold sweat dripped from her body. She wanted to say something to refute Kazama's accusation, but her words were caught in her throat.

_'_ _How… how could he come to that conclusion?!'_

Chizuru's reaction was enough for an answer.

" ** _Who?_** " Kazama said the one word in a dangerous tone.

"..."

" ** _WHO?!_** "

Kazama launched himself at Chizuru and grabbed the woman's upper arms, his nails digging into Chizuru's flesh. "Tell me who he is or I swear I will kill all the humans that you have interacted with."

Chizuru was contemplating how she should reply to Kazama's inquiry. But before she could think any further, a blade flew by her side, aimed at Kazama's shoulder. Kazama dodged the blade and released Chizuru from his grip.

"Release her." A commanding voice came from the figure that walked toward them. A voice that Chizuru had wished and longed to hear since the rebels attacked her and Inoue. It's was so ironic that the owner of the voice came at the time when he shouldn't have come.

Chizuru turned her head to look at her behind. Her heart was beating furiously inside her ribcage. She was very afraid of the upcoming confrontation: of what Kazama would do; of what would happen to _him_. One name escaped her trembling lips.

"Hijikata-san…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now... Kazama knew about the bond. What will happen next? Hijikata and Kazama fight on the next chapter won't be as simple as Kazama mocked the Shinsengumi and he got angry because Hijikata grazed his cheek. It will be more complex, I can assure you that :)
> 
> And for what I want to talk about, I have decided that I will updated this story every two months. Looks like I can't write two stories with different story line and genre together at the same time. Not to mention that I write these two stories in English (which I have still lots to learn). I don't want my story to look half-bake just because I want to update a new chapter. I don't have much free time to begin with; all the works and things. I also have problems with my health condition. But, I _**really**_ want to write... Hope that you can understand my condition.
> 
> Stay tuned for the next chapter and see u then~~


End file.
